Changing DS name without his dad's permission...

[organicmama]

My DS is 4 months old. I left my ex (his dad) because he was abusing my verbally. He was a bully, aggressive, angry, controlling and he doesn't currently have any contact with DS as I fled to a different city. SS have told me I'm doing the right thing considering his history. He did the same thing to his ex apparently. He's displayed some strange behaviours and I'm really quite scared of him.

When he was born, I raised the idea of giving him both our surnames. I was bullied out of it. He laughed at me. Told me I was being ridiculous and that there was 'no way my son is having 4 names'

I had a little cry and brushed it to one side. I didn't want him to get angry.

Is there any point in me approaching the court for a name change? Or to at least add my surname on to the end of his? The idea of having to contact my ex every time I go abroad for permission, having to explain the surname difference etc. I can't even bring myself to write it down because I hate my ex so much.

I'm such an idiot agreeing to it in the first place but I felt I had no choice and was in the midst of baby blues...

The only nice thing my ExH ever did was walk away when he realised he couldn’t use DS to further manipulate me, therefore he lost interest in both of us. Although he does like to spout off on SM occasionally.

I changed mine and DSs surname to something totally different. I used my Great Grandmas maiden name.

IME school, nursery and doctors will accept as “ known as “ name for everyday use.

Passport is different and if you fly you need to make sure that the name on airline ticket exactly matches that on ID ( usually passport).

I have just changed my own surname at my doctors and no one asked for any documents to prove it.

The courts are clear that official bodies should not accept any change of name unless it has the consent of everyone with PR or there is an appropriate court order. Government guidance to schools is similarly clear that they should not accept any change of name, even a "known as" name, unless there is consent or a court order. I don't doubt that some schools and others ignore this but that is the law.

I have just changed my own surname at my doctors and no one asked for any documents to prove it

You are an adult. You don't need any documents to change your own name (although some bodies will insist on some kind of formal documentation), nor do you need anyone's consent. What you can do regarding your own name as an adult has no bearing on what the OP can do regarding her child's name.

Not that this helps you, OP, but I hope that in the future this thread might stand to remind someone out there not to name their child something different from yourself if it’s not what you want.

I hope you get it sorted OP, my Dad grew up with a different name to everyone else and that of his absent father and he hated it.

Parental responsibility can only be removed by a court and if its for the childs protection in exceptional circumstances. Otherwise youll need permission for your ex to change the childs surname. The abandonment route may be the way to go.

How can OP claim abandonment if she moved away?

Your child has half has father's dna. As he grows he will show/do things that reminds you of his father. Changing his name won't change this.

red I'm not looking to claim he's abandoned his child firstly, and secondly I moved to a different city which is 45 mins away on a good day so I've hardly moved very far.

I'm just replying to other posts. If you want to change your child's name it needs to be done properly.

red oh I absolutely agree.