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Original poster

Nrp getting Child christened without telling RP.

28 replies

JaffacakesAreCakesNotBiscuits · 02/02/2019 16:19

Nc for this.

My best mate has just called and she's is upset. Basically her and her ex have a CAO in place. Dcs live with her go to their dads EOW. has been for a while.

Turns out last weekend he had got the dcs christened.. She was not aware of this. It was something they spoke of when they were together. But never happened.
Dcs are 4 and 6..
He never told the dcs until the weekend they went to him. So there was no way of knowing.

Is this even legal / possible. Or is it just one of those things that nothing can be done..
He also got the eldest ear pierced last Yr without consulting her.

He is on the birth certificates has PR. Etc.

OP posts:
LovingLola · 02/02/2019 16:26

I don’t see how it could be illegal. Does he bring them to church services when they are with him?

Coronapop · 02/02/2019 16:28

It seems strange that the Church Minister didn't check that the mother was happy with the arrangement, especially if she wasn't there.

TeacupDrama · 02/02/2019 16:29

it is not right to do it without both parents consenting but it's something that can't be undone

The minister or priest should have got both parents consent most would want to be sure both parents were on board

However being the NRP does not mean in a legal sensel less say than RP though in practice this is what tends to happen or that RP decides everything or can veto things, PR does mean that if with parent A, parent A can makes decisions and when with parent B, B makes decisions

When parents separate parent A can't control / veto what happens when with parent B and who they met up with or visit and vice versa

billybagpuss · 02/02/2019 16:32

Theres certainly no laws (to my knowledge) preventing it, but I've yet to meet a vicar who would not have expected, especially with older children, to have met them first. It does seem unusual.

I would be furious.

Even though they discussed it before and she absolutely should be livid that he did it behind her back and excluded her, what is she most upset about the fact that it was done at all (ie for religious reasons she would prefer to wait for them to make their own minds up) or that it was something she would have wanted to have been part of, which of course she absolutely should have been?

abbsisspartacus · 02/02/2019 16:34

Did he tell the vicar she was dead or put another woman in her place ? Because they won't usually do it unless both parents agree

Original poster
JaffacakesAreCakesNotBiscuits · 02/02/2019 16:44

She has no idea. Maybe the vicar thought his wife was the mother?
I'm so furious for her. It's a control thing. I didnt think it was an illegal thing. But wow its a mega shitty thing to do.
She doesn't even know what church it was.

OP posts:
Gone4Good · 02/02/2019 16:44

He also got the eldest ear pierced last Yr without consulting her

This would bother me more.

Original poster
JaffacakesAreCakesNotBiscuits · 02/02/2019 16:46

She wanted them christened.. But since the split she knew they wouldn't agree on godparents. And wihh her ex there's no compromise at all.. So he's chosen all that. And something so special she's not been a part of it. Not even seen a photo

OP posts:
ILoveMaxiBondi · 02/02/2019 16:52

He has PR so he can consent to them being baptised without her. It only requires one person with PR to allow it. Does it really matter though? She wanted them baptised and now they are baptised.

The ear piercing would be a huge problem for me though. I’d be removing that as soon as child got home.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 02/02/2019 16:53

She can take them to her own church and have a blessing performed if she really needs to be part of it.

abbsisspartacus · 02/02/2019 16:55

I would contact the vicar and tell him what has happened explain she is the mother not his wife see what his response is

Anyway that kind of means she can get them christened too with her choice of godparents (No real limit on godparents) he can't say a thing

GoldenEvilHoor · 02/02/2019 17:00

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

abbsisspartacus · 02/02/2019 17:22

Actually they can be especially if they have been baptised with a lie it kind of defeats the object

I was asked if I wanted my child baptised under a church name (Sunday name) or use there everyday name

Basically ask your church

kimlo · 02/02/2019 17:27

baptism is a one time thing, it could only be done again if she lied and said it had never happened.

Xenia · 03/02/2019 08:01

Which religion? If you don't believe in it then it has no effect really does it? However pity the family missed the service. You could ask the vicar to do it again in the sense of a service with blessing but no second baptism for the wider family to be present perhaps and that might annoy the husband so could be a double win.

If instead it is a dispute over religion because you are Catholic and he C of E or somethng you can of course also have them done in your different religion as far as I know.

kimlo · 03/02/2019 08:44

it doesn't matter which denomination they were baptised in to, they can still only be baptised once. A catholic priest wont re-baptise someone who has already been baptised in a c of e or a methodist church, or the other way around.

Collaborate · 03/02/2019 08:46

Where there is a dispute between parents over the exercise of parental responsibility the court can adjudicate of one parent applies for a specific issue order.

PPs are right, that what is done is done. If however father has baptised the children in to one church and the mother prefers another denomination the mother should issue an application to court. It all sounds a bit old fashioned though. Why would a judge not allow the father to take the children to his church on a Sunday they're with him, and the mother takes the children to her Church when they're with her?

Original poster
JaffacakesAreCakesNotBiscuits · 03/02/2019 11:22

Thank you for your replies.. I will pass them on..
I think she was more upset as its something that should of been a joint decision. Choosing godparents etc.. It was done to spite. As why else would he not of told the dcs they were being christened weeks before.? He didn't tell them till the last minute..
Yes what's done is done but its a shitty thing to do..

OP posts:
Xenia · 03/02/2019 14:01

kimlo, I don't think that' s right as people convert all the time from one christian religion to another. My grandfather was baptised Catholci and his mother moved the whole family over to the C of E and I though they were baptised again but I might be wrong. Other people become born again and have adult baptism even if christened into a different Christian group.

Xenia · 03/02/2019 14:02

Also how would the C of E or Catholic priest know the child had already been baptised in a different Christian religion?

Justalittlebitblondie · 03/02/2019 14:31

Baptism into a Christian church is a one-time thing - there is only one baptism. If people change e.g. from c of e to rc then they can get confirmed into the Catholic Church if previously confirmed c of e (technically the baptism is universally recognised but the c of e confirmation wouldn’t be seen as valid).

kimlo · 03/02/2019 15:38

they wouldn't know, the mother would have to lie and say that there was no previous baptism.

But once a baptism takes place, thats it.

If I wanted to convert to Catholisism I could be recived in to the catholic church, but I couldn't be rebaptised.

Xenia · 03/02/2019 16:33

Thanks. That's interesting so it will depend if it's Christian. Eg I don't think C of E and RC recognise mormons (LDS) as Christian and if someone were Jewish that would be different too.

So if people lie or just don't say - please C of E vicar can you baptise my baby (and it was done at the RC last week) it would have two baptisms. If they declared it the church would refuse

My mother (RC) baptised a neighbour;'s baby (from an originally Catholic family) when it was sick - I think anyone can do it in cases when the child might die immimently. The parents later became born against Christians who thought anyone not within their group goes straight to hell so I wonder what they did in that case.

The Mormons got into trouble for baptising thousands of dead jews including holocaust survivors - although I think if you're dead and even if you are not it doesn't much matter how many religions heap blessings on you - the more the better just to be on the safe side in case one is right and the others so wrong you end up burning in hell or something.

kimlo · 03/02/2019 16:43

Jehovahs witnesses aren't recognised as being christian either.

The mormons will baptise pretty much anyone once they have died. They have amazing family tree records for this reason.

TeacupDrama · 03/02/2019 18:55

most Christians that baptise infants accept baptism from other Trinitarian ( I baptise in the name of the Father Son and Holy Spirit) churches ie RC CofE Methodists etc but not from non- trinitarian churches (ie JW LDS Unitarians)
Baptists are different in that they believe the person must be making a personal commitment on basis of their own belief in Jesus as Saviour so generally someone would need to be 12-13+ at least, so they would re baptise someone who was baptised as an infant as it would have been on the faith of their parents not themselves, they generally would not re-baptise someone who had been baptised as a believing adult

Not all groups who baptise infants think the same about it. most Presbyterians for instance are absolutely adamant it is not a Christening as it does not make the child a Christian but is a statement by the parents that they will bring the child up in the faith so they do not think a child dying unbaptised is in a worse state that one dying baptised so generally they would not rush to baptise a very sick child