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Original poster

Ex making me have kids more than possible

47 replies

Anom2018 · 12/12/2018 15:14

Hi me and my ex split 2 years ago and have 2 children together! We’ve had an arrangement in place that has worked for us u til I’ve recently started a new job which requires me to work weekends unlike before. I’ve stated arrangements will need to be altered due to this but ex is being unreasonable and wants me to have them more now than ever before! The arrangement in place was Friday after school overnight u til Saturday afternoon and Monday after school until 9pm. Not a lot but it’s what we agreed to when we parted! Ex has recently escalated to mediation/court so I have them more than before! I work 6 days a week with 2 other children as well as 2 with ex. I’ve offered to keep weekday arrangement in place but swap the every Friday to every other week end from Friday/Sunday evening just means that I wouldn’t be able to take my son to football as il be working and will have to get family members to have kids until I finish work! What will a court order based on these circumstances? Any help appreciated

OP posts:
Halloweenallyearround · 12/12/2018 21:47

Are you the dad?
Check fathers for justice and complain there about being forced to raise the children you made!!!
Legally - she can't force contact or you to take responsibility for your children, like paying or arranging childcare on your days.

HeffalumpsDaughter · 12/12/2018 21:49

I’m assuming this is a reverse.

If not, why did you take a job that will mean you can’t see your dc for the few hours a week that you currently do?

PorpentinaScamander · 12/12/2018 21:50

Does your ex work? Surely they also have to juggle work/childcare/kids activities etc etc. Hmm

fuzzywuzzy · 12/12/2018 21:52

That’s hardly ‘more than ever’.

It’s your responsibility to get childcare during your contact time if you cannot physically be there. Presumably you don’t take your dc every time your ex needs childcare cover during her contact time?

BoebePhuffay · 12/12/2018 21:52

So you decided your ex will just have to take the children every other Friday without any discussion?

chipsandgin · 12/12/2018 21:54

They are your children so morally you have a responsibility to them, it’s a shame you find them so inconvenient! It’s irrelevant which parent you are tbh - is your ex wanting to work 6 days a week too? How have you got two more kids in two years, have you not worked out what’s causing it yet?

Nobody can force you to do anything, you on the other hand can step up & work out what kind of parent you want to be & whether your choices make you a good one.

Pasithea · 12/12/2018 21:58

Maybe the op had no choice but to take the new job.

PorpentinaScamander · 12/12/2018 22:01

Pasithea

Maybe the op had no choice but to take the new job.

Then the op is in the same situation as plenty of RPs who have to take a job and find a way to fit it around their duty to their children!

HeffalumpsDaughter · 12/12/2018 22:02

pasit so the ex just has to suck it up and try to rearrange their working patterns to accommodate this new job?

NeedToChangeMyLightBulb · 12/12/2018 22:03

I can’t get passed all the !

Sorry, my eyes are bleeding

secretsoutherncomfortdrinker · 12/12/2018 22:10

This kind of thing really boils my piss!
My ex done exactly the same thing, he used to pick our dcs up from school every Friday and as that was my only child free day a week I would take the opportunity to relax, meet friends or just sort out bits at home without having to rush to collect dcs at 3.30.
He then decided, without so much as a word to change his job which left me with no Childfree days at all.
You should have discussed this change with your ex as it impacts on their life too, so I say you suck it up and look after your children.

Avrannakern · 12/12/2018 22:16

Those were your times so it's your job to find childcare, not you ex's.

If your ex changed jobs, would you accept being told "you're having them 5 nights a week as I'm working". No discussion, no thought. Just telling you to take them. You wouldn't accept that. Why should they accept the same from you?

Resident parents almost always need to pay childcare; if you decide to work during contact then you need to pay for childcare because it is not their job. They do enough.

TwiceMagic · 12/12/2018 22:23

I’m wondering why you thought MN was the place to post about this. Seriously, you think having your children one night and one evening a week is too much. Really?

Put your children first and organise your life accordingly. It’s what parents do.

Tiredemma · 13/12/2018 06:58

Not sure why you thought to ask this here on Mnet. You see them for approx 2 days a week is that right????

Original poster
Anom2018 · 13/12/2018 08:04

I’ve had no choice but to take this job and ex has been aware there would be a change for over 6 months

OP posts:
Original poster
Anom2018 · 13/12/2018 08:05

Because ex doesn’t want me arranging childcare as it’s my day to have them so basically telling me I either work or have children

OP posts:
Original poster
Anom2018 · 13/12/2018 08:06

My kids are no inconvenience and yes my ex changes agreements to suit regularly and I have no problems with this as that’s life!

OP posts:
ABitCrapper · 13/12/2018 08:07

Personally I think the amount you have your kids is already shoddy, and you should be looking to increase the time with them, or just be honest and say you find them an inconvenience and don't bother with them. Ffs

Original poster
Anom2018 · 13/12/2018 08:07

Ex won’t allow me to find alternative childcare as it’s my time with the children! I’ve even said my partner can take our son to football but ex won’t allow that either

OP posts:
dippledorus · 13/12/2018 08:07

The ex has no obligation to change anything.

You could fuck right off with your staring things would have to change if you were my ex. That’s not discussion.

dippledorus · 13/12/2018 08:07

*stating

Original poster
Anom2018 · 13/12/2018 08:08

I’m assuming u haven’t read the post in full where I’m asking to have them more than right now?

OP posts:
dippledorus · 13/12/2018 08:10

You assume wrong. But that’s what assuming does doesn’t it?

We can’t possibly know enough about the circumstances of your case to advise what a court will do.

We know nothing about your ex’s life as an example.

FoofFighter · 13/12/2018 08:11

what you do with your children in your contact time is none of your exes concern. If you have to arrange childcare, arrange it. It's unreasonable of her to expect you to not take a job if it's needed. But - It's unreasonable to expect ex to change her plans to accommodate your job. If this was in reverse would you step in or expect her to source childcare?

Original poster
Anom2018 · 13/12/2018 08:12

So because she’s a mother and me a father she can change arrangements at the drop of a hat but I can’t? That’s fair!

OP posts:
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