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Original poster

Ex making me have kids more than possible

47 replies

Anom2018 · 12/12/2018 15:14

Hi me and my ex split 2 years ago and have 2 children together! We’ve had an arrangement in place that has worked for us u til I’ve recently started a new job which requires me to work weekends unlike before. I’ve stated arrangements will need to be altered due to this but ex is being unreasonable and wants me to have them more now than ever before! The arrangement in place was Friday after school overnight u til Saturday afternoon and Monday after school until 9pm. Not a lot but it’s what we agreed to when we parted! Ex has recently escalated to mediation/court so I have them more than before! I work 6 days a week with 2 other children as well as 2 with ex. I’ve offered to keep weekday arrangement in place but swap the every Friday to every other week end from Friday/Sunday evening just means that I wouldn’t be able to take my son to football as il be working and will have to get family members to have kids until I finish work! What will a court order based on these circumstances? Any help appreciated

OP posts:

Original poster

Anom2018 · 13/12/2018 08:14

This is the issue I always step in anyway that I can! I have kids more than stated above but those are set days! She changed job and I helped her around new hours also!

OP posts:

Beamur · 13/12/2018 08:15

Well, you've asked your ex. She's said no, that's not convenient so unless you want to go to court, then I guess you're stuck with that arrangement.
Your football arrangement is not your ex's responsibility to facilitate.
You seem to expect to be able to say what suits you and everyone else fall in with that. Which frankly, isn't reasonable.

dippledorus · 13/12/2018 08:36

Well why don’t you do 50/50 then it’s equally both your problem.

dippledorus · 13/12/2018 08:38

Ps. It isn’t “helping” when you have your own kids.

fuzzywuzzy · 13/12/2018 10:14

Your ex can’t dictate what you do during your contact time.

Organise childcare for when you’re not there and just get on with it.

What will she do otherwise? Refuse to send the dc to you? Which is what you want anyway. So you have nothing to lose.

Organise childcare and get on with it. Don’t consult her, it’s none of her business. You’ve offered for her to take them instead she's refused that’s that.

And I’d say that regardless of your sex.

Original poster

Anom2018 · 13/12/2018 11:39

She always refuses to let children come with me if it isn’t her way and no that isn’t what I want at all not sure where you got that impression from!

OP posts:

timeisnotaline · 13/12/2018 11:43

She can’t stop you organising childcare. If you want more time with the dc or if she stops contact because you are using childcare you should take her to court.

Original poster

Anom2018 · 13/12/2018 11:48

She is extremely controlling when it comes to children in my care which is understandable as a mother but if she doesn’t get her way with plans then she makes life hell!

OP posts:

timeisnotaline · 13/12/2018 12:17

That’s where court comes in op. Clear lines on who has them when and then you can make what arrangements suit you on your time.

Halloweenallyearround · 13/12/2018 12:25

So stop her doing that for the sake of your children. You can't parent properly and your way of dealing with it is to do nothing.
Are you going to be ok when she controls the dc too ( which is what she's doing now from what you said) but also in the future.
Parenting gets harder as dc's get older, and teens don't always listen.
I've read a lot of threads where parents change the control from ex partners to their dc and abuse occurs.
Pull your finger out and stop moaning.

SD1978 · 13/12/2018 13:17

Can you unreverse please and actually state what you're pissed off about? It's confusing and unnecessary, and was pretty obvious a (confusing) Evers. Are there current orders? Is she in breach or will be in breach of them. By changing the arrangements are you then breaching. You have minimal access to your children- 2 overnight stays out of 14, and 2 evenings. You now want to change it because it no longer suits you, and she won't. Take it to mediation then. Nothing else you can do.

ems137 · 13/12/2018 13:20

You can do what you want during your contact times. She's taking you to court to have them more so if you arrange your parents to have them for the day then what can she do? You don't have to ask her permission.

She obviously wants you to have your children more. If she refuses to let them go with you then she will be breaking the court order she is pushing for won't she?

SD1978 · 13/12/2018 13:30

Also- your current amount of time spent with your kids is pretty pathetic. Why don't you want to see them more?

TwiceMagic · 13/12/2018 14:00

Look: she doesn’t get to dictate what happens when you have the kids. She is not the senior parent. It sounds very much like both of you assume that she should be (and that’s reflected in the very limited contact you’ve arranged).

Step up and have the children regularly for much more time than you currently have, and organise your childcare arrangements around this. It’s not up to her what happens when you are responsible for them (assuming there are no actual concerns about their wellbeing).

TwiceMagic · 13/12/2018 14:02

And, if you want to find out why people have responded as they have, take a look at your thread title and OP. ‘Ex making me have the kids more than possible’.

And this:
Not a lot but it’s what we agreed to when we parted! Ex has recently escalated to mediation/court so I have them more than before!

Both of these comments do not make you sound like a committed parent tbh.

Candy43 · 13/12/2018 14:09

I think the pair of you need to have a hood conversation about what would be possible. There may be reasons why she can’t have them at those times. Unless we know we can’t possible comment who is being reasonable or not.

So at present a long talk is what’s required. If this can’t be done in a responsible calm manner then make it official as part of mediation or formal legal proceedings.

Queenofthedrivensnow · 13/12/2018 15:06

I don't understand as why would the resident parent be making a court application?

BlancheM · 13/12/2018 16:39

Sort yoursen out

Nedzilla · 13/12/2018 16:48

Surely you have two options

friday after school until you get home you need to arrange and pay for childcare of some sort like any parent needs to if they have to work

2)arrange a proper meeting with ex to arrange days. it doesn't seem very long. Wouldnt it be easier to do say saturday 5pm to Tuesday 3pm? That way its a solid block, you do sat, sun and monday overnight, and you both get a day at the weekend

Christmasgone2018 · 14/12/2018 06:39

If you've only been split two years how have you managed to produce two other children when you clearly don't have the time for the ones you have? Or apologies if these children are children who also don't live with you ( but then I wonder how you arrange contact with these ones)

Rtmhwales · 14/12/2018 07:04

Your ex can't dictate what childcare you use on your days, and you can't dictate a change in days Just let your partner watch the children if they want to, and if your ex has a problem with it, go to court. Don't help her out on days she needs to switch the contact order if she won't help you out.

Is there actually a court order in place? If not, just go get one and have it written out.

Xenia · 15/12/2018 07:59

I don'tt hink she can stop you arranging child care actually. I had my children 365 nights a year and work full time (their father's choice not to see them) and I just had to pay for full time chld care (a very very very expensive busienss when you have a very full hours job).

Just tell her you appreciate it is hard for her and will stick to the agreed times but have found a lovely lady (find one) to look after them so it's all fine. She cannot in law stop you paying someone to look after the children when they are on your time.

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