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Original poster

Withholding contact due to lack of maintenance?

35 replies

PushHop · 01/11/2018 20:05

What is the legal standing on resident parent withholding contact because maintenance hasn't been paid?

DH has been unemployed for 2 months. I've been on statutory pay for Shared Parental Leave. We have his DC 40% of the time and have done for seven years. His ex is insisting that since we are married I should be paying maintenance if he is unable to and has calculated what she deems to be our arrears. She has threatened to pass his details on to CMS so they can sort it out. We have explained that the maintenance arrangement is between the two of them and so nothing to do with me (she has been very clear in the past that I am not a parent to DSC and parenting decisions are to be made between DH and ex - which I agree with - so I'm not happy that she has changed her stance when it is of financial benefit to her). We have also explained that CMS will agree that no maintenance is to be paid whilst DH is unemployed and that they certainly won't seek any "arrears" that occurred before their involvement (especially since there aren't any arrears because he doesn't have to pay when he is unemployed).

Her next step will be to threaten to withhold contact until maintenance is paid. Whilst morally I know that children are not "pay per view", is there any legal basis behind this? For what it's worth, I would have picked up the payments for maintenance if I wasn't on statutory pay, and whilst I go back to work full time next week, DH also starts a new job next week so will be picking up maintenance payments as soon as he is paid. We just do not agree that there are arrears.

OP posts:
Harpingon · 01/11/2018 21:06

How do you imagine she has been feeding the children / paying the bills whilst you have not been paying? Maybe she has had to borrow money? Even when unemployed you still have to pay a small amount of maintenance.

BuildingQuote · 01/11/2018 21:17

His DC’s needs don’t stop while he is unemployed I guess and I know that’s really hard. So I would think he should pay arrears as their needs continued regardless?
I do hope it gets easier - and she’s certainly unfair to expect you to shoulder his responsibility but I guess she’s under stress too . It might be one of those situations to try and just do your best as not easy for anyone and I hope it gets easier and always good to put the children first to keep their lives as stable as can ?

Obviouslynotobvious · 01/11/2018 21:22

You are married so yes you do have a joint duty to support his children financially. Just like your finances will be taken into account when it's time for uni.

The children still need feeding.

redwineandcrisps · 01/11/2018 21:28

Morally I think you should pay - his kids still need feeding / clothing / roof over their head, that hasn’t changed.

Legally I suspect she will get no where with this though. Which is a shame to be honest!

Original poster
PushHop · 01/11/2018 21:31

How do you imagine she has been feeding the children / paying the bills whilst you have not been paying? Maybe she has had to borrow money? Even when unemployed you still have to pay a small amount of maintenance.

The CMS calculator says otherwise.

We have been receiving £210 per week between the two of us to feed, clothe and house two children. I have had to take out a credit card to support our family. We physically have not had the money to pay maintenance. Her and her husband both work full time. I won't pretend to know the details of their finances but I do know they are mortgage-free. They have DSC one night per week more than we do so we are having to cover the same costs they do but for one less night.

I am not asking for moral stances, which is why I posted in legal matters and not in AIBU.

OP posts:
madmum5811 · 01/11/2018 21:33

My friends salary and financial situation were taken into account when she married. Her OH had two children from his first marriage. My friend owned the house outright had a good job and an inheritance when her parents died. She was a bit shocked when it happened.

Harpingon · 01/11/2018 21:47

Your step children are part of your family and yet are not entitled to any money for their upkeep? If you are unemployed I think it is £5.00ish per month, shocking really.. a pack of fags costs more. The fact that you don't want to know anything about the moral stance says it all really.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 01/11/2018 21:51

Has he paid anything, Push?

Is he currently on any type of benefits; even family ones?

I believe if he has any type of income at all, he needs to be paying £5ish a month - which is obviously nothing really; but would mean there are arrears.

If you already know her next steps, does your husband often skip payments, or lose his job?

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 01/11/2018 21:52

(That sounds more judgemental than I meant it to written down. Just trying to assess the situation)

AnneLovesGilbert · 01/11/2018 21:56

She would be very unreasonable to cancel contact because you can’t afford maintenance. How is that fair on the child? She’ll have the full cost of feeding and clothing them which will cost a lot more if contact is currently 60/40. If they were still together and he was out of work there’d be no money coming in.

Tell her to go to the CMS.

It sounds hard for everyone but threatening to deprive a child of contact with their other parent is horrendous.

AnneLovesGilbert · 01/11/2018 21:58

Not for paying child support madmum5811. That’s not a thing.

Spanglyprincess1 · 01/11/2018 21:58

Op legally and morally you are under no obligation to pay nor should you. As for arrears it's up to your partner and her to resolve.
Legally maintenance and visitation are seperate issues. Children are not pay per view.
On a side note could he offer to do say all before n after school childcare/pick ups if currently unemployed as that would help out his ex, maybe?

1Wanda1 · 01/11/2018 22:00

You don't legally have to pay anything towards child maintenance to your stepchildren's mother. Maintenance is the NRP's responsibility only. If he's on benefits, I think he should pay the flat rate of £5 a week - CMS calculator will tell you.

As others have said, the kids still need to be housed and clothed though! Parents who do live with their children still have to find ways to do this even when they are out of work.

Spanglyprincess1 · 01/11/2018 22:00

In the UK the step parent income isn't assessed under SMS calculation.

Starlight345 · 01/11/2018 22:01

Well legally you are stuck .

As you can’t afford to pay any maintenance then you won’t be able to file for court even if you self represent?

MissMalice · 01/11/2018 22:01

Withholding contact because of missed maintenance is appalling parenting.

You do not owe his ex anything. Your household doesn’t have the funds anyway. If they were still together he wouldn’t be contributing anything.

If your husband receives benefits he still won’t owe anything due to the shared care arrangement which will make it a nil assessment. He could offer to pay the flat rate of £7 a week.

She could claim 100% child benefit, tax credits, housing benefit and so on even though they’re only with her 60% of the time.

MissMalice · 01/11/2018 22:02

OP’s DH would be entitled to a fee remission, so no fee to apply to court.

Taylor22 · 01/11/2018 22:04

No. CMA and access are separate and a judge would not factor in money when deciding access.

However. The difficulty is that this is a civil matter. So can only be enforced via court.
You do not need a solicitor. You can self represent. You only need the court fee which is around £200ish.

Also your income is not factored into the CMAs calculation it is only his earnings.

Redken24 · 01/11/2018 22:05

If she goes through CMS it starts as a new claim. So no "arrears"
Maintenance and Contact are not the same thing and usually maintenance is organised separately.
It is not your role to pay for his children - CMS will only take his earnings and your child and any others living wth you into account..
Sorry to be that person but how can you be on shared parental leave if one is unemployed?

Longdistance · 01/11/2018 22:05

What the fuck has his dc got to do with op?

They are HIS dc and HIS responsibility.

Withholding contact is not pay per view. Ops dh needs to sort this.

Stop giving op a hard time, ffs!

ChanandlerBongsNeighbour · 01/11/2018 22:17

If she only has the DC one extra night per week than you do then the maintenance can't be that much anyway surely?

FinallyFree123456789 · 01/11/2018 22:37

Can't stop contact because of no maintenance.
However, if you don't have a contact order she can stop contact then you'll have to go to court to get a contact order:

My ex didn't pay maintenance for 13 months - he still had our dd every other weekend.
When he was unemployed the Csa took £5 per week from his benefits; he didn't owe arrears because he had no income so to speak.
When he went back to work then the Csa started on a percentage.

Not sure if it's different because you are married - but that's how it worked for me and my ex

Collaborate · 02/11/2018 06:50

Those who supplied the initial responses on this thread are either ignorant or driven by an agenda. Whichever, they are wholly wrong and should not be posting on Legal.

MissedTheBoatAgain · 02/11/2018 08:23

Another myth that dies hard. Only connection between Maintenance and Contact is if children stay with NRP for 52 nights or more per year as it reduces the amount that NRP has to pay. Other than that they are different subjects.

Even someone on Job Seekers Allowance would pay £7 a week according to the Online Calculator.

Whichever, they are wholly wrong and should not be posting on Legal

Collaborate getting rattled again.

prh47bridge · 02/11/2018 09:35

Collaborate getting rattled again

I don't see Collaborate getting rattled. I do see him getting annoyed at people posting incorrect legal advice on Legal Matters which is an ongoing issue. A lot of posters who don't know the law still seem happy to give legal advice which, in some instances, could be seriously damaging if followed.