At What Age do Courts Take Children's Wishes into account Re Custody?

[MissedTheBoatAgain]

Brief background first;

Divorce completed in 2016, but to my surprise Courts did not ask what arrangements had been made for the Child with respect to contact. Ex and child moved out of FMH early 2017. I work outside the UK like I have done so since late 80's. Child is now 12.

Child not happy with staying with Mother as he no longer can pursue his outside of School Hobbies as Mother won't take him. Child is often left in house alone as his Mother does not like him being with Grandparents. Child prefers to be with Grandparents as they take him to many places.

I don't really like the idea of putting a child that age through the Courts and being questioned, but all other proposals have been ignored by Ex.

Has anyone been through this? How doe the courts handle a child that age, assuming they are permitted at all?

Cafcass were involved several years ago when Ex threatened to take child to her native Country, but that is over now (I hope).

Only other option I can think of is to quit overseas working and return to UK to fight my case. However, being unemployed may go against me? A UK job is sure to pay less than overseas. So regardless of the Court's decision there will be less money to support Child and Ex.

Any suggestions welcome as child is being used as a weapon by his Mother in my view and not leading the happy life he used to have.

Son has friends near his new home and nearby where he used to live. His after School clubs seem to have dried up. In the early days his mother not want to take him, but maybe now he is at the Electronics age he is so interested?

Hey what happened to your flounce? I was enjoying it.

bastardkitty I assume he's been busy arranging his return to the UK to do some parenting

Imagine being 12 years old and having a fool like this going 'yes son, the way your mum treats you is terrible'

yes son, the way your mum treats you is terrible

The Stepdaughter intentionally went to University that was a far away as possible even though local University was more highly rated for her subject and would have saved a fortune in living costs.

Any ideas why she did that?

If you were that worried about the way they were being treated you wouldn't be away from them for huge amounts of the year and would be applying for residency and being a parent.

Ex was sly. She only ever hit the Stepdaughter when I was out of UK.

Son has never been hit to my knowledge,

Because she’s 18, and wanted to live independently/with friends in a new place? Like many students who go to uni further away.

Or maybe she preferred the new uni town, her boyfriend/girlfriend/best mate/favourite singer was going to uni town? Maybe uni town offered better sports/music/industry links or is where she fancies living permanently.

Or we could put it another way; you think this is because your ex is a bad mother. Because her adult daughter moved away.

Using that as a base we can assume your parents are totally unsuitable to have guardianship of your child as their child (you) have spent most of the last 30 odd years out of the country. If moving a few hundred miles away makes your ex a bad mother your parents must be monsters for you to semi leave the country.

To GermmeFatale

If it was permitted to post Stepdaughter's emails you would get the picture quickly.

I’ve read your posts. I have the picture. It isn’t flattering to you.

We don't need her emails. We get the picture quite clearly and I agree, the picture paints you very poorly. You're an absent parent who suddenly wants to start throwing his weight around and get his parents to care for his child. Hardly the devoted father are you.

I have the picture

We get the picture quite clearly

Wow physic powers. Can you tell me the winning Lottery numbers for this weekend?

"Wow physic powers. Can you tell me the winning Lottery numbers for this weekend?"

No, but I can tell you you're a wanker. No psychic powers needed for that. HTH.

What is HTH ?

This is completely out of order for 'legal' . If you lot want to take your 'all mothers are paragons of virtue - all fathers are neglectful bastards ' fight off to AIBU then please report your thread and have it moved.

As for your LEGAL situation OP - why on earth have you not been to court to have regular contact established. Just because you work overseas , there is absolutely no reason why you can't have an order that REQUIRES your ex to make your son available for Skype /Face time contact with you several times a week and holidays to visit you facilitated by grandparents-also written into the order. ?

I think the new partner has sparked this behaviour. You need to sort this immediately and get your child's right to have a relationship with YOU set out precisely and take that power away from his mother. - away from the contact issues for which she is behaving poorly - YOU need to be more supportive to her as his mother - and give her some respect for parenting on her own most of the time.

My sympathy for you will disappear if you don't stop hand wringing and go sort out your legal position with regards your sons right to contact with you. !

HTH means hope that helps or how the hell depending on context.

there is absolutely no reason why you can't have an order that REQUIRES your ex to make your son available for Skype /Face time contact with you several times a week and holidays to visit you facilitated by grandparents-also written into the order

Used to Skype and WhatsApp with child regular and Ex did not seem to interfere. However, all changed after child met new partner.

Courts can make Orders, but how effectively can they be enforced? Throughout the Divorce Ex ignored Court Orders for Disclosure and Cost Orders for time wasting and got away with it.

Heard many examples of RP agreeing inside a Court room what the contact with NRP should be only for it all to be forgotten as soon as they walk outside the door.

Need to move back to UK to make my case stronger I think. However, if that results being unemployed not sure if that will go down well with the Courts?

So last week you were putting in place plans to move to the uk and now you're still only thinking about it. I feel so sorry for your son. He's being let down by both parents. Any dad in their right mind would have gone to court for an enforcement order. The problem is you are overseas and aren't involved in your sons life. You seem to want your parents to do your parenting. Not sure how well that would go down in court. But your parents could always make an application for contact for themselves. And if she doesn't stick to the order they can take her back to court. You just seem to want to complain about your ex instead of actually wanting level advice on what to do.

In your ex's defense I'd be furious too if your limited contact time had been spent on holiday with your new girlfriend. You should have prioritised your son and spent some one to one time with him. My own daughters hate their dad's gf because he never spends time with just them. Centre your child.

In your ex's defense I'd be furious too if your limited contact time had been spent on holiday with your new girlfriend

We all went with child to the activity centre. Myself, GP's and new partner. Child wanted to visit me overseas during the long summer holidays, but guess who would not handover his passport and give letter of consent?

Child is with GP's now for the half term break so I see him on Skype daily.

You could have left your new partner at home and focussed on your son.

The situation you find yourself in is all of your own doing - you have prioritised your wants and needs over those of your child.

No you don't have to 'leave your new partner at home' !
What you do with your child on your time is YOUR business.
Your ex had no say in that. !

If you went on a break with YOUR family with YOUR son that sounds completely fine. !

Btw - MN is not the place to get unbiased advice for second relationships . Any man or woman introducing a new partner is automatically in the wrong ! - wether they have a child or not.

Any man or woman introducing a new partner is automatically in the wrong

Sadly very true.

Child enjoyed new partner being present as she took part in many of the activities with child as she is young enough and strong enough to get involved in; climbing, kayaking, rope swings, etc.