At What Age do Courts Take Children's Wishes into account Re Custody?

[MissedTheBoatAgain]

Brief background first;

Divorce completed in 2016, but to my surprise Courts did not ask what arrangements had been made for the Child with respect to contact. Ex and child moved out of FMH early 2017. I work outside the UK like I have done so since late 80's. Child is now 12.

Child not happy with staying with Mother as he no longer can pursue his outside of School Hobbies as Mother won't take him. Child is often left in house alone as his Mother does not like him being with Grandparents. Child prefers to be with Grandparents as they take him to many places.

I don't really like the idea of putting a child that age through the Courts and being questioned, but all other proposals have been ignored by Ex.

Has anyone been through this? How doe the courts handle a child that age, assuming they are permitted at all?

Cafcass were involved several years ago when Ex threatened to take child to her native Country, but that is over now (I hope).

Only other option I can think of is to quit overseas working and return to UK to fight my case. However, being unemployed may go against me? A UK job is sure to pay less than overseas. So regardless of the Court's decision there will be less money to support Child and Ex.

Any suggestions welcome as child is being used as a weapon by his Mother in my view and not leading the happy life he used to have.

Maybe the attraction is the internet, big TV and the PlayStation Grandparent bought for him.

Ya think?

• Last year I built a Log cabin in Grandparents Garden. Meant to be for myself when in UK as FMH is rented out. Child thinks cabin is great as has room for three to sleep, fridge, heating, internet and 65" TV. Luxury camping out he called it.

Maybe the attraction is the internet, big TV and the PlayStation Grandparent bought for him. Cabin is not connected to house so he could stay up all night I guess as he is now at the Mobile Phone and Online games age. Remember Ex having same trouble with daughter when aged 14. Used to stay up all night texting.*

Can your parents go for residency of me?

No OP doesn’t. OP used to work that. Now he only gets 8 weeks at home.

Current job will allow 8 weeks at most which as you point out is a big disadvantage.

DC wants to live in a log cabin that would have a gaming set up. Of course he wants to move out. Also why can't he have friends over? Maybe he has homework to do and maybe he has been misbehaving. Stop bashing your Ex. Sounds like you are trying to get one up on her. You aren't there all the time.

Ah yes. But I still wouldn't advise court action.

Guaranteed to destroy any relationship with the mother and once child is grown and more level headed may cause anger at the money and stress they caused his mother.

However minimum chance of success.

You aren't there all the time

That's the punchline. Even during the marriage I was away from UK most of the time. Ex had to deal with a 15 year old daughter who thought she was 25 years old and a 3 year old son at same time.

I never saw any of it.

And now you are judging her parenting and wanting to take her son away. My mum was a single mum and my Dad told me to respect her and listen to her.

Being alone at 12 whilst she is working isn't neglect, also you mention he gets the bus when she is having a lie in. No wonder she needs a lie in she is raising a 12 year old and working.

Maybe she doesn't have the time to see the grandparents, I take when you are home you aren't working so you have time. Maybe she can't afford all the activities.

If there was abuse I would understand, but it's sounds like she is doing her best. You could ask her about DS behaviour and have a conversation with her without the judgement.

Firstly, I'm sorry to be posting this rant in Legal. I cannot stress enough how much useful information the fantastic lawyers and solicitors on this site give.

However, I joined this site and chose my username as I am beyond mad with the OP. I have lived and worked in the oil field all my life. You, OP, are an arsehole. The ONLY thing that comes across in your posts is money. You earn lots, your ex-wife spent lots, you lost lots in the divorce, you spend lots on your son, you grudge paying your ex-wife lots.

Money, money, money.

If your son being left alone, cooking his own meals, having no hobbies, having no friends over were your main concern and what kept you up at night, you would simply quit and come back to the UK. Not talk about it, whine about it, explain how it would be difficult, just quit.

Jobs are available here again, but I bet your argument would be...money.

This thread was a question to Legal which prh47 answered. Some interesting points made by non legal, but now developing into a rights and wrongs debate. So no more posts from me. Bye

But I still wouldn't advise court action.

Agree with that. Stressful costly business, burns bridges. I would advise GPs get in touch with the mother if they want to see more of him.

Well OP regardless of whether you post here again, don’t be played by a 12 year old. Don’t believe all the “poor old me” stuff. He’s trying it on. Maybe advise your parents not to go so overboard with expensive gifts that he can’t bring home.

Awww OP has flounced

If you do still want to engage OP then please could you answer this (apologies if I've missed the answer in there somewhere)

When do you see your son?

My ex's sons wishes were taken into account at around age 8/9 when his mum applied for residency.

OP. I apologize, you are quite correct, you did post in legal for the expertise that can be found here, not for a character assasination. I’m sorry if I derailed you inquiry.

Did not intend to return to this thread, but questions have arisen so may as well answer.

When do you see your son?

Used to see him every time I was in the UK. Used to be 6 months per year, but now about 2 months per year. Plan was that GP's would bring child to where I now work during school Holidays, but Ex Wife blocked it by not giving child's passport and letter of Consent for GP's to take him out of UK. Reason for blocking was not given by Ex Wife (and never will be).

Not relevant to the thread, but all this blocking of contact started 5 months ago after I had taken child to a UK activity centre. He had a great time and made many new friends. GP's were present as was my new partner.

My Son and new partner hit it off from day one and she took part in many of the activities with the child. He even told me that my new friend is more fun than his mother. I tactfully told son that everyone is different and maybe his mother would not be very interested in Kayaking, Archery, Obstacle courses and rope climbing, but not to forget that she keeps a roof over his head and provides what he needs. Did not mention help from myself in terms of CM and SM as that is way too much for a 12 year old to comprehend.

Child took many photos and selfies with his new friends including my new partner. Has his mother seen the Photos of the new partner? Has she heard from the child what a great time he had with dad's new friend? Impossible to know for certain, but seems coincidental that myself and GP's have been blocked from contact with child since after he met my new partner?

To TooMad

There are as many different opinions in the World as there are people and everyone is entitled to give their opinion. However, I don't think the Legal thread is the best place.

Good luck to all and remember you only live once and life is shorter than you might think. Sometimes Divorce is the only solution to making sure you don't waste your life by remaining in unhappy relationship?

She is behaving in this way because she is frightened you are going to try to take her son.

I don't know why you're finding it difficult to understand, to be honest; you get a new partner your son likes and ask for his passport, of course she's going to panic.

She is behaving in this way because she is frightened you are going to try to take her son

Not only her son, but my son too. Tired of those that think the Mother has more rights to access than the Father.

Even if was to become the RP it would never be my intention that Son never saw his Mother again. However, it seems that it is her intention that neither GP's nor myself see the child again.

To take a child out of the UK requires consent of both parents. If such consent is not given it is considered abduction.

Hmmm. You sound a bit like my ex. No clue as to why your ex is behaving the way you say she is. You see your son for a whole 60 days a year and think you know best. I imagine she's got very good reasons for her behaviour and your son at 12 will be full of pre-teen it's not fair at everything that doesn't go his way. I don't think you can really comment when you are not involved in his life to this extent. If you really wanted things to change you'd be back in the UK doing some actual parenting rather than getting your parents to try and do it.

Making some progress on move back to UK. Could be there in New Year.

I thought your parents had chose to stop having your son because the ex wouldn't class them having him as a reduction in maintenance? I'm sure that was you. So did she block or did your parents refuse to force her hand

You don't sound like someone who has any intention to learn co-parenting. He is 12, the RP ship has sailed, don't mess up his exam years with tug of war. Support his mother and the boundaries she is setting for the good of your child. Focus on school and responsibility, the things he will need to be a competent adult, the other stuff is extra curricular for a reason.

I thought your parents had chose to stop having your son because the ex wouldn't class them having him as a reduction in maintenance?

That was not the reason. Parents objected to Ex assuming they were always available and on call. Several times child had been dropped off at Grandparents house without Ex finding out if they were available. In most cases the neighbours were able to take him in for safety. Worst case was child roaming the streets trying to find one of his old friends from when he lived at the FMH.

Solution is simple. Ex sends message to GP's to advise when she wants them to look after child. They don't even need to speak.

Support his mother and the boundaries she is setting for the good of your child

How is it good to move address without telling me? How is any NRP meant to contribute to their share of child care if the RP tries to vanish?

All contact (Skype, WhatsApp, email, messaging, etc) has been blocked for 5 months. All down to fact that child had a great holiday when my new partner was present.

Ex has not moved on in life and is still bitter about fact that I divorced her. End result is that child is loser.

Not possible to post all the history on these threads, but for information the Stepdaughter (Ex's biological child) could not wait to get away to University. Hardly seen her Mother since?

To anyone who is interested.

Child will stay with his GP's over the school holidays. Bit sad that child is the one that has to make contact with GP's and his mother makes no effort, but good all round. At least I can see him on Skype.

I know you wrote Child to make it sound quasi legal but your writing style is very off putting and so difficult to unlock.

The issue that his mother can be tough, which is annoying him, is an interesting one. Does your son get to go to his friend's houses after school? What are the travel options to his after school clubs?