DM ‘keeping’ DD

[Owlflutter]

NC as v revealing. My DM has kindly had custody of my DD for the past year as I have been doing an internship in a different city. She’s in nursery full time though so DM only does nights, mornings and drop offs/pick ups. She gets more than enough money for DD too. I see her regularly and we have a secure attachment. Now that I’m home and have started my own business I’ve been telling DM I want DD back. She always ums and ahs, finds some sort of excuse why she should stay there. It’s all very fishy to me and she’s quite possessive over her.

She has no PR and nothing has been signed in any context. If I just try to leave with her and I’m prevented, do I involve the police? Or do I have the right to use reasonable force to get my child home?

Did she stay with your mother at weekends? Presumably she is home with you at weekends, so just don't return her to your mother on Sunday night...

Do the nursery know that your mother is not her legal guardian and that you are?

Sorry, I've just read your update,and see that you are regularly bringing DD home...but keep taking her back to your DM . Why? If you have concerns why keep taking her back to your DM?

If you are in England your dd needs to be resident in your house by mid January.

It sounds like you don't have a good relationship with your mum, shes very possesive over your dd and you are concerned she may be violent if you try and take her back, concered enough you are already suggesting you may need to involve the police.
Why an earth have you left your child with her in the first place? I'd like to her your mums side of this

OP several people have told you to collect your child from nursery and take her home. Why have you ignored this very obvious suggestion?

OP you are not being blunt. You are being vague and evasive. Please explain the situation and behaviours between you and your mum. Why do you keep retuning your child to a woman you feel I'll get violent?

I’m not quite sure what is really happening here. Just echoing other posters by saying just collect her from nursery and bring her back to your house. Then she’s not present for any arguments or your dm kicking off.

If she’s stayed overnight with you why can’t you just keep her?

Also I’m a bit about the incongruity of child psychology/leaving your child with a relative for a year.

This is all a bit of a head scratcher.

Her dad is dead (she doesn’t remember him) so I have zero help. It’s impossible for me to raise a child and run a business/get qualifications by myself. I haven’t asked for a therapy session or to be flamed for my choice of childcare. If I had an Au Pair and was never home would I be treated differently? I simply asked would the police need to be involved if she refuses me access to my own child, to bring her home etc. Everything else is irrelevant.

So on the next overnight stay she dosnt go back to nanny..make sure the nursery know you are now collecting her

I didn’t want to mention it in the OP as I would be told I’m not mentally stable enough to look after my own child but I have also been in recovery from domestic violence. My home was listed unsafe for my DD by the Maric (sorry can’t remember the exact name I’ve blocked it all out) assessment. Can post CPS letter if people think I’m troll. Yes my DM has given her life up but I’ve had to give up my child

Why do you think you might need to involve the police? That is so weird.

We can't help you out if you don't explain to us what happens between you mum and you when you discuss it though. Please give us more details.

I think I understand ,so you still need to use your mum for childcare? Is that why she comes home for a visit ,and you take her back to your mums?? ..I think you need to quickly sort your life out so that you are able to fully your care for your child when she is not in nursery ..that way you don't need your mum.and she can go back to seeing her granddaughter on a weekend like most grandmother s.

It was listed as unsafe due to being stalked and harassed by my abuser after his sentence. Not because she was unsafe before I get even more flamed. The abuse didn’t happen in the home.

Im leaving this thread because it’s not good for my mental health. I guess any mother that isn’t with their child 24/7 is unfit. Sorry to those that were actually interested.

Just seen your update....so was your mum involved in officially having your daughter,as in she would of been removed had she not had her? Were ss involved?. That might put a different slant on you legally able to get her back

It’s impossible for me to raise a child and run a business/get qualifications by myself

Loads of us do it.

Op don't go ,we are trying to help..it just sounds complicated

Okay, a bit more context for us to work with. Who listed you as unsafe? Social services? I'm sorry, you have clearly been through a lot.

Sounds as though your mum thinks she is safer with her. You are right this might become a legal matter.

I knew there would be more to this. Your child is with your mother because you couldn’t keep her safe!! Nothing to do with a job, and now you want her back, your mother, who has more insight into your life than us, probably think last you aren’t quite ready to prioritise your DDs safety yet.

I hope it all works out for you Owl.
You can get unemotional advice on the reddit legal advice UK forum.

None was being mean to you. You were not giving people enough information and that was frustrating.