*Sensitive* could this be considered a crime?

[squeakymouse]

Parent of small child repeatedly puts their hand under bottom of child to 'surprise' them whenver they go to sit down on the sofa next to them.

Goes on for a period of years until child is around 9/10.

Always passed off as a funny joke. A kind of grope of the bottom as child sits down.

Done to one child in the family only.

Gross. I think it's a kind of assault yes.

ANY unwanted touching is a crime/battery. Plus VERY creepy.

Thank you

Creepy

Is it a crime though? Indecent assault?

It’s always been framed as a joke. But I think most adults know not to repeatedly touch a child’s bottom for no reason. The joke element makes it feel more like grooming

ANY unwanted touching is a crime/battery

Not true.

Unwanted touching may be sexual assault or sexual harassment. It is definitely not battery as that involves unlawful force. It is common assault only if it leads the victim to believe they will be subjected to unlawful force.

If the touching in this joke is viewed as sexual this would be classed as sexual activity with a child family member.

Thanks for your support.

I'm really after proper legal advice (please don't advise me to contact police, I've had a recent very bad experience with them over reporting sexual assault).

This is historic behaviour that I experienced for a long period through childhood and now the person who did it is trying to get access to my daughters.

I really do need to know if this is a criminal offence.

That was proper legal advice.

Note, however, that my post covers the law as it stands today. It may have been different when you were a child.

However, it seems you don't want to involve the police. Is this person applying through the courts for contact with your daughters? If not, you do not have to allow them any access to your daughters. Whether or not their acts were criminal is irrelevant.

If they are applying through the courts you can raise this as a safeguarding concern.

That actually made me shudder. I’m so sorry, squeakymouse. You can’t let this pervert near your children. 💐

Thanks all, sorry prh74 that proper legal advice comment wasn’t directed at you. I was more trying to explain I’m not here for sympathy but practical advice.

I’d be so grateful if yoh could clarify this bit:

“If the touching in this joke is viewed as sexual this would be classed as sexual activity with a child family member.“

In whose view would it need to be seen as sexual? It was always passed off as a joke and as a child I knew no better. I feel very differently about it now. I was the only female child in the family and the only person it happened to.

Yes we are nc and I am worried about him applying for access through the courts (I think my mother migh drive this, not him).

Is this a parent or a more distant relative?

My father, my DC grandfather.

I think context is everything here.

Clearly if when it happened it felt sexual, uncomfortable unwanted etc that is very different to a parent having a joke with a child and putting something in their way when they sat down followed by mutal laughing and joking.

The difficulty is showing that it was different.

That's wrong op.
What a twat.

Horrible. Not funny.

It was a benny hill style joke. Demeaning.

There’s other stuff comments but can’t eee those being illegsl

Grandparents don't have legal rights. It's rare for them to be awarded contact and it's normally in cases where constant stable contact and a bond has formed ,then stopped for no reasonable reason.

I’m worried I’ll be accused of making this stuff up just to stop them having contact (went nc last year).

Though there is a record of my fathers behaciur in my counselling notes dating back a few years now.

I don't think that you even need a reason to prevent access with a grandparent, they have no legal right to contact with their grand child. So in that respect it doesn't matter whether or not the behaviour you described was illegal or not.

The bum groping does sound creepy to me, even more so because you said that it only happened to you as the only female child in the family. Somehow, to me, that makes it harder to defend as "just a joke", and harder to claim that there was nothing sexual about it. It would still be deeply innapropriate if done to both male and female children of course, but why was it only done to the female child?

I don't think a grandparent can have access to a child if the parent doesn't want it. Only exception I can think of is if parents are divorced, mum has custody and grandparents on fathers side wants to see children. But that isn't the case here

Grandparents do get access through the courts.

If mine try this I’ll have to prove the relationship would be detrimental to the DC. I just don’t know how I PROVE my father’s behaviour frI’m the 80s.

Though I’m assuming it’s decided in a civil way rather than the criminal beyond reasonable doubt test.

So what I say about my father’s behaviour, what my counselling notes say about him and some other things I can prove about him I (hope) would show on the balance of probabilities that a relationship with him would be detrimental to my children.

My mother is a classic blind eye enabler. Very hard to prove that though.

Have you spoken to your siblings about what your df did to you?