Grandparents Rights

[natbee]

Hi, new here but need help.
My mother has been quite nasty (I'm not going into details), and so I made the decision to cut contact with her back in February 2018. My son did have a significant relationship with her up until September 2017, which dwindled down. He's not seen her since February 2018 and doesn't want to. He's 5. My son and I are thriving since cutting her out of our lives.
Today I received court papers - she's applying to apply for contact.
Has anyone gone through this recently? Can anyone give any advice?

I went through it about 12 years ago. Paternal grandparents. They had had informal weekly contact. Child was under two. I stopped contact due to violence happening in the house. Heard nothing for 7 months. They didn’t see him at all, didn’t even ask to. Then court papers arrived. They were granted contact fortnightly because there was an established relationship. I’ve been told I was unlucky so maybe this isn’t the norm.

By the time of the hearing in October, my son won't have had a significant relationship with her for 12 months, and won't have seen her for 8 months.
I heard that things have changed and grandparents have more rights than they used to.
It goes in my favour that I have two professionals willing to back me up.
I'm very scared though.

This absolutely terrifies me as we are no contact with paternal grandmother for many reasons.
I really feel for you!

Two professional whats willing to back you up with what?

You need a solicitor.

I'm going through it at the moment with my deceased husband's parents. Have you seen a solicitor?

Unless they’re professional social workers willing to back you up with their own witness records of your mother being a risk to the child then they will count for nothing. What the court will want to know is what the previous relationship was and if it was harmful to the child.

If there are no safeguarding issues, your mother is very likely to gain some time with your son. After all, despite there being no contact for 8 months (by the time of the hearing), she had an established relationship with him for five years prior.

You may be better off offering something under your own terms rather than waiting for the court to order it. Skype contact to begin with (you can monitor that), then perhaps in a contact centre.

Depends on what the 'she was nasty' actually means, and to whom that nastiness was directed.

I'm not willing to go into details.
I have a social worker and a therapist who say contact would be detrimental. School would likely agree too.
I have a solicitor who knows what my mother is like.
No safeguarding issues.

Ok so sounds like you’re all set then. If you can’t go into details then how can you expect people to help?

I'm not willing to divulge details about my life that two abusive ex partners may see.
I'm asking for advice about the court process, not advice on my specific issues.

If there are no safeguarding issues - as in there is no threat to your dcs welfare from restoration of a 'significant' relationship with his grandmother. Then I am at a loss to understand what help the social worker and therapist can offer at court. ?

This is my worst nightmare altough my parents haven't tried it yet (and I do have witnesses who can vouch for my abusive childhood).

I was on the understanding that the estranged grandparent's first port of calll should be mediation and only if that's declined does the court process start.

Has she attempted mediation?

Sorry you're going through this, btw, i'm finding the tone of some of the responses on here unnecessarily terse. I hope you are ok.

Sorry I meant there's no safeguarding issues with me and my son. The SW would say that my son would be at risk of psychological abuse if he were to have contact with my mum (at the least).

Have these social worker and therapist been asking your daughter in a professional capacity?

this might be helpful with the legal side OP

for you

seeing your daughter

She attended a MIAM in April but it was decided mediation was not appropriate. I was not informed until I got the court papers yesterday.
I attended a MIAM back in October and was told meditation with her to resolve issues would be pointless.
We have had telephone mediation in April for a separate matter and this did not succeed either.

Son! Sorry.

Ahh , ok that's more logical. Hopefully the court will agree with them. Good luck , although be prepared for quite a tough fight.

The SW has seen my son in a professional capacity and the therapist has seen me in a professional capacity.

Also - and I don't know your specific circumstances - but I'm sure when I researched this a year or two ago I ready that therapists COULD be used to back up a parent's case.

For e.g. if my therapist told the court that forced contact would be detrimental to my mental health and that in turn would be detrmental to my chidren (as I;m their primary caregiver) then that would be considered.

If the grandparent can prove they've had a big part of a grandchild's life then most likely she will be awarded some kind of contact. Well that's what's happened in a lot of past posts with a similar situation.

She was a huge part of both of our lives, but was extremely controlling. I couldn't breathe around her without her attacking me verbally some days.
She's a covert narcissist (not diagnosed). She will always appear to outsiders as the good guy.

If she is detrimental to your MH that could be used, you shouldn’t be forced into contact with her if she’s abusive.