Confusion.

[MihaliZacharias86]

Hey Guys,

I've been in a legal dispute with my ex wife over custody of our daughters for a couple of years now, I'm an in the process of gaining a full residency order as the girls out now living with me and social services have given their support along side my court application.

My children were on a child protection plan under the Category of neglect from December 2016 until they stated living with me in May this year.

My ex wife lives 70 miles away and doesn't drive, She also had 3 other children after I left our marriage, For the past two years my work and financial life has been in ruins because of all of my having to work around meetings associated with my daughters and social services!

When our final hearing takes place next month, Shall I ask the judge to order my ex wife to pay for costs of fuel as and when I'm driving my daughters back and forth for contact?

I do understand that I should be working in the interests of my daughters and that maybe by rights I should pay at least half of the fuel costs, I just can't help but think that we wouldn't be in this position if she would of just taken care of my daughters the way any parents should.

Many thanks in advance for any advice.

No, I wouldn't ask for that if I were you. If she is the non-resident parent, she should be paying you child support and the money would come out of that. Under a s 8 application, the judge won't be ordering payments between parents in any event.

I think I will have to mention in the final hearing that I will not be able to afford to pay for all fuel costs as I'll be putting myself and children into financial hardship.

If I can get my wife to agree in court I front on witnesses to contribute towards fuel costs then all's not lost.

I've not gone down the child maintenance road yet.

You need to go down the CM route. It’s not for the court to get involved with who pays for the petrol when you could go through the proper channels to get child maintenance.

Unless she agrees to pay it and it’s put in the preamble to the order, the judge isn’t going to order it.

It's child maintenance she should be paying

NRP pays fuel/travel costs in most cases, it’s worth mentioning in court that the cost is making life difficult for you and your DDs.

Also worth going to the CMS.

Who moved away? Whoever moved 70 miles away should foot the bill for transporting the children for contact.

It’s the children who have moved Sister

No, one of the parents moved first.

Aye but with a change in residency it’s not as simple as who moved first.

I think it is tbh. The distance would have to be covered regardless of which parent the DC lived with. The cost of the distance is the fault of whoever moved.

My ex wife doesn't work and is on income support, She'll only be paying around £7 per week towards fuel costs if I were to receive child maintenance.

The total cost of my monthly fuel bill will be around £150.00

I understand that she will struggle financially if she has to cough up half of the diesel bill, I just can't afford to pay it all.

I m

SisterNotCisTerf fair enough. Personally I think that the non maintenance paying NRP should be the one paying rather than put the RP in financial hardship, directly affecting the children.

Where do her other children live? The court will take their needs into account too.

look, if she doesn't work and gets benefits, she's hardly going to be in a position to pay half your fuel bill is she? By all means outline in your statement and in evidence that you cannot afford to pay for transport, but the court isn't going to order her to pay it.

I moved 70 miles away from my daughters around 4 years ago to regain my sanity.

Within a month of my move i passed my driving test, I've consistently picked my kids up for contact, I struggled sometime to get my car down the motorway because of fuel costs.

I would much rather my kids were happily living with mom but She Emotionally, Physically and Physiologically damaged our daughters over the years.

My ex wife is going to want as much contact as she get and will be more than happy for me to pay for all travel costs.

In reality: What would be fair for both myself and ex-wife? No bias views please!

Thank you all.

My ex wife's other children live with herself just about, Social services are taking her down the PLO route because she hasn't fixed her behaviour over the years.

If she has care of three other children and her only income is from benefits, the court are not going to order her to pay any more than CMS calculated maintenance. They're not going to take away from the other children just to benefit you.

If you have a final hearing coming up, then surely you have a report from SS or Cafcass which recommends what sort of contact would be in the children's best interests? That is where you need to look as to what is fair. You do need to raise the cost issue with the court if it means that you would struggle to comply with an order, but they will not order her to make payments to you.

@Bombardier25966 I'm not trying to take away her childrens benefits, She is claiming income support, That's doesn't belong to her other children.

I don't want to take food out of anyone's mouths but there comes a time when I need to be selfish for my own children.

I want to pay for private tuition and other extra curricular activities for the kids but won't be able to do so if I'm footing fuel bills till there 18 and so on.

To be brutally honest I don't feel as if my ex wife should get away with paying half towards travel costs just because she has other children and is on benefits, She isn't interested in work like the majority of single mothers I know.

They're not going to take away from the other children just to benefit you

Benefit her other children. Not him.

She isn't interested in work like the majority of single mothers I know

I was with you right up until that misogynistic pile of shite OP.

@PeakPants I would actually struggle at times to comply with any order made out if it was just myself paying the fuel bills.

I have a bunch of people telling me I should be asking my ex wife to pay for all travel costs, Obviously she won't be able to afford it.

Half is what I believe I'll be asking for.

@YeTalkShiteHen I think you misunderstood what I meant as I wasn't very clear in what I said, The majority of single mothers I know work hard with employment and with home life.

My ex wife isn't interested in work like say the small percentage of women who don't bother to gain employment to benefit themselves and their children.

Nope, not having it. Just because your XW isn’t what she should be doesn’t mean you get to label women.

I’m out.

So you want her and her other children to live on the bare minimum, whilst you pay for your two to have private tuition and extra curriculars?

As for your comment on single mothers, what a dickhead. You intend to be a single parent too, hopefully no one will make such sweeping judgements about the you.