Confusion.

[MihaliZacharias86]

Hey Guys,

I've been in a legal dispute with my ex wife over custody of our daughters for a couple of years now, I'm an in the process of gaining a full residency order as the girls out now living with me and social services have given their support along side my court application.

My children were on a child protection plan under the Category of neglect from December 2016 until they stated living with me in May this year.

My ex wife lives 70 miles away and doesn't drive, She also had 3 other children after I left our marriage, For the past two years my work and financial life has been in ruins because of all of my having to work around meetings associated with my daughters and social services!

When our final hearing takes place next month, Shall I ask the judge to order my ex wife to pay for costs of fuel as and when I'm driving my daughters back and forth for contact?

I do understand that I should be working in the interests of my daughters and that maybe by rights I should pay at least half of the fuel costs, I just can't help but think that we wouldn't be in this position if she would of just taken care of my daughters the way any parents should.

Many thanks in advance for any advice.

Look, OP, I am not sure how many times I can say it- the court will not be making an order for her to pay you any money, whether half or all. Raise your issues about compliance with the order by all means, but it will be up to the court what level of contact is ordered and you would then need to comply with the order. Did you raise any of this with SS or Cafcass? What did they say? Surely it must have been an issue for a while?

In the grand scheme of things I would like to see everybody happy and financially secure, My daughters missed out on 5 months of education in the past two years, I would like them to catch up yes.

I don't see much wrong in me wanting to give the girls other things to do after school and on weekends if my XW wasn't able to provide them.

@YeTalkShiteHen There are plenty of men who are bums out there, Women too. You've labelled me as misogynistic now because I'm not the greatest at expressing myself via text.

@Bombardier25966 I don't want anybody to live on the bear minimum, I would like for my XW to work though to save me having to break my back trying to give our daughters a prosperous future.

There are plenty of men who are bums out there, Women too. You've labelled me as misogynistic now because I'm not the greatest at expressing myself via text

You managed fine there.

@PeakPants I'm aware the order I'm seeking has nothing to do with maintenance, I've spoken to SS and given them indications that I'm not willing to pay for the monthly diesel bill.

I want to pay for private tuition and other extra curricular activities for the kids but won't be able to do so if I'm footing fuel bills till there 18 and so on.

It sounds as if the money issue is going to be used as a way of reducing the time the kids will spend with their mum. The above comment suggests that you can afford it but would rather spend the money on other things. How often are they seeing their mother at the moment?

@PeakPants Reducing the amount of time my ex spends with the children is something I'm trying to do without a doubt, My XW has always and ever put her own wants and needs before the children's.

Am I wrong in wanting to send the girls to say gymnastics or ballet, and maybe even self defence classes?

Tuition is compulsory as far as I'm concerned, If my daughters will be able fund a better life than say their parents were able to do for them, What's wrong with that?

I suggest you speak to the social worker or Cafcass officer about the money concerns. I am not going to agree with you that there is nothing wrong with trying to cut out a parent from their child's life but I do not know your personal situation. Good luck. I am out.

You are not wrong at all. I would certainly not be happy footing this bill and yes you should mention to the judge that you cannot afford to take the children to contact each and every time.

State your reasons why.

Judges can state which parent is responsible for getting the children to and from contact

Don’t worry about the nasty comments I’m sure if I’d been through what you have I’d be saying worse !!

@PeakPants I don't want my XW to be cut out of the girls lives for good, Just a limit until she can face her wrongdoings head on and take responsibility for some of her past actions with and around the children.

@Melliegrantfirstlady I'm well versed in trying not to make myself sound like a sexist pig, I just wasn't able to express my opinions properly, They pounced fast and hard haha

Honestly though, I wouldn't sleep at night knowing her children were going without food and luxuries.

To give our daughters a better lifestyle at the cost of her forking out half of the diesel bill isn't to much to ask I don't think.

I've been through nothing in comparison to what my kids have, I strongly believe both parents should make sacrifices financially, There are a lot of bums out there Women/Men who refuse to work to better their children's lives.

I had a few people telling me I'd be financially better off not working and claiming benefits until HMRC informed me they'd contribute 70% towards my childcare bill, My EW is physically able to work.

@PeakPants moms refusing supervised contact as advised by a judge and her barrister and two other solicitors.

My eldest daughter herself said she isn't comfortable seeing mom without supervision, Says she's scared that mom will shout at her for talking to social services and police about physical chastisement.

They haven't seen mom since the end of May, I doubt there will be a final hearing next month with EW refusing supervised contact.

You are unfairly getting a hard time on here OP- most men do.

Your ex has been neglectful of the children whilst they were under her care. I doubt you will get any money from the court as she doesn’t work and has 3 other children.

@greendale17 As it is I made a mistake in the wording I used in previous posts, If a couple of people want to look down on me after I've tried to explain myself I couldn't care less anymore.

If I end up having to pay for all of the travel costs then I'll do it for the sake of the children being able to have contact with their siblings.

It will be a struggle for a year or two if so but I'll make it work.

I may have come to the wrong place for impartial advice

If she’s refusing to have contact with them then why is your petrol bill so high? I don’t really get it. If she is refusing it, press ahead with the final hearing anyway. I doubt the court will order unsupervised in light of what you have said. Have you not got a solicitor? Your reference to 150 a month made me think they were having weekly contact or something.
If you want impartial advice, you need to see a lawyer. You asked whether you should ask the court to order your ex to pay half the petrol cost. I said no, they will not do so. As to what level of contact is appropriate, I don’t think anyone can advise on this and experts have assessed the situation and prepared reports so they would be the ones best placed to comment.

Private tuition and extra curricular should not be at the expense of a relationship with both parents.

To be blunt a relationship with their mum and half siblings, however crap a parent she is, is worth a hundred times gym lessons or private tuition. What would you rather have for your girls as adults - decent mental health or the ability to back flip?

@PeakPants £150 is how much my fuel bill will be in the future when My XW and siblings have contact with our daughters. I've proposed to SS that the children have contact every fortnight and half school holidays.

I don't think we'll be able to push forward the final hearing until there has been supervised contact, Don't take my word for though because I don't have a solicitor, I don't want one at all.

@BishopBrennansArse I'm not trying to sacrifice relationships for the sake of extra curricular. I didn't make the children my EW had after I left our relationship, Now the children are living with me because of her mistakes surly she should have to cough up some of the travel costs, That's all.

@titchy mental health is priority, The children have been asking me to do these things for them for years, I was never in the financially position to make it work for them when they were living with mom.

You should by now know that the court is only interested in the children's best interests. You should be too. I'm not really seeing that come through in your posts. Financial arrangements won't be discussed but you won't get anywhere trying to imply that money should be spent on ballet rather than travelling to see their DM and siblings.

I think you should get a solicitor. You can go on and on and on about money all you like, but the court will not order your ex to make payments and they will make whichever order is in the children's best interests.

Also, if you spend £150 on driving around 500 miles a month, you might also want to look into getting a more fuel-efficient car at some point....

Can it be done cheaper via public transport?