Am I being unreasonable regarding contact?

[Noname17]

A few weeks ago my ex was finally allowed contact with 2 year old DD whom he hasn't seen for over a year after DV incident. This is only temporary till the next hearing in a few months. He sees her every weekend for 2 hours, but after the first visit he wanted to extend the time so that DD can go back with him to his city and see his friends and DDs half brother and also he claims that there's nothing for him to do in my town. He's been bombarding me with emails and tries to argue with me every time during hand over.

I have never said no to the idea. Seeing as this order is only for a few months I thought it best for him to bond with DD. I even sent him a link of child friendly things to do in my town, he hasn't done any of the things but keeps complaining that there's nothing to do. He is now threatening to go for full custody because he "doesn't want restrictions in seeing his DD".

My issue is that when he goes to his friends, DD will be passed from one person to the other and have no time to bond with her dad and it might be too overwhelming for her and get unsettled. His friends or family will get the opportunity to see DD but right now it's about DD and dad and establishing that bond first.

Am I just being an ar$e?

[YeTalkShiteHen]

Glad she’s home OP, how is she? Also glad the police took it seriously!

I’d be inclined to go for supervised contact if he’s going to put her at risk to make a point to you.

[Noname17]

Update
Just been to court. Didn't see the judge. He's decided to give him notice, not sure if it's a positive thing or not. Hearing this Wednesday.

[YeTalkShiteHen]

Hopefully he’ll be told in no uncertain terms that contact is for time with his child, not to play stupid games and point score!

How are you feeling?

[Noname17]

I'm hoping the same thing too.
I'm a bit anxious at the moment, I was hoping it would be sorted out today but good thing is it'll be sorted out before next contact.
Will do another update

[YeTalkShiteHen]

All the best for Wednesday! I hope that it is phrased in such a way that he gets it into his thick skull and stops using contact as a means to control and abuse you.

[Noname17]

Yesterday's update!
Went very well! Didn't get anything I asked for BUT the judge made it very clear that DD should reside with me and if ex break the order again to come back and he will either be fined or sent to prison and contact will be suspended. He was shocked that I was still ok that contact continue because he would have just suspended it right there. Said that will raise his concerns with CAFCASS because he is now questioning whether ex is capable of being a father.
It was really uncomfortable as ex was getting a very bad bollocking but what was said needed to be said.
Thank you all for the advice and support especially MrsBertBibby

[SisterNotCisTerf]

He was shocked that I was still ok that contact continue because he would have just suspended it right there. Said that will raise his concerns with CAFCASS because he is now questioning whether ex is capable of being a father.

Can I advise caution here? The judge is telling you he would have suspended contact, in other words he is saying that’s what he thinks you should have done, and he will be speaking to cafcass. They judge may tell them he feels you aren’t acting as a protective parent by allowing contact to continue under such circumstances. I’m not saying this to scare you, I’m speaking from experience. SS were very careful with their language and if I hadn’t been clued in I wouldn’t have picked up on the implication being made. One of the sentences used by the SW was “if I was being a protective parent I wouldn’t be allowing contact” it took me a minute or two but I twigged on what she meant. She couldn’t tell me to withhold contact but she could tell me what protective parenting looked like and then she told me the consequences of not being a protective parent. (DC being placed on CP plan) in your shoes I would listen very carefully to what is being said and if it is even suggested that you should have stopped contact (which IMO it now has!) then you should without question. To not do so calls into question your ability to make decisions in the best interest of your child.

[MrsBertBibby]

Judges don't do that mealy mouthed shit, ime.

Social Services are often slippery bastards, but the Judge would have stopped contact if he thought that was necessary. He was giving your stupid ex a message that you are being reasonable, and that you might have persuaded him to suspend contact.

All the best.

[SisterNotCisTerf]

Glad to hear it! Hopefully OP doesn’t need to worry about it.

[PotteryLady]

Hopefully he has been put in his place and it won't happen again.

[YeTalkShiteHen]

Good on the judge for bollocking him! It was needed. As always I’d go with what MrsBertBibby says.

[Noname17]

Yeah I think that's a trait SS are famous for. But the judge said that he admired my cool headedness and thinking about DD instead of letting personal feelings get the better of me. I think he was disappointed himself because he persuaded me to agree to contact which I've been refusing.