Has anyone used a third party/solicitor for communication with for communication with abusive ex for the duration of your DC's childhood?

[incommunicadowithex]

Name changed.

My soon to be ex husband and I have been separated for several years. He was abusive in the marriage and continues to be emotionally abusive now. He's financially abusive too. Due to this I actively avoid all communication with him unless urgent regarding the children. I don't engage with him at all about matters that don't involve the children.

The divorce and financial settlement are ongoing via the solicitor and the solicitor is happy at the moment to contact him regarding the children too (I have legal aid).

Has anyone in a similar situation used a third party or solicitor to communicate after their divorce has been completed? I don't want to involve a family member on either side as a third party. How have others managed this kind of situation?

Thanks.

You are likely to have a consent order for the children regarding access and this could be pretty detailed and would remove the need for most communication.

Also how old are the dc? Once they have phones they can often manage communication themselves.

It does get better over the years but early days it is tricky, especially when the divorce not sorted as there is more to communicate about.

We have a child arrangements order in place for contact so really there shouldn't be any need to communicate. He's been hassling me and threatening me with court for the past few months over agreeing dates for contact for the next 12 months. The court order states to be agreed this month and my solicitor had the dates to give him so he can fuck off with the hassling. I just ignore any voicemails he leaves as I never answer the phone to him.

The dcs are old enough for phones but I don't want them used as messengers which is what he tries to do.

Anyone else?
Really hoping for some hope that there is a solution because I've been told he'll never stop his abusive ways and will continue to use the children to get to me even when they are adults 😔

Hi op. Similar issues here. Im looking at this app. It has calendars for scheduling and you can allow 3rd parties access.At £80 per year its massively cheaper than lawyers if it works.
www.ourfamilywizard.co.uk
Good luck!

@Cheesilycheerful thanks, that looks valuable but I can't afford it and I know the ex wouldn't use it We used to have a contact diary but he didn't bother with it. He can't even follow professional medical instructions on medication and care. He'd use the app as yet another way to wind me up by not engaging with it.

☕️ you have my sympathy. Keep strong. Every day your children get older and will start to see this behaviour for what it is 💐

Oh they already do! Dd1 has certainly got his number and will have no qualms in telling him to fuck off in a couple of years Unfortunately the court order means they have to go to contact but as they get older their wishes will be taken into account more.

We're moving this over to legal matters at the OP's request.

Thanks Lorna!

You’re not going to get legal aid forever. If £80 is unaffordable you’re going to have to find another way. Perhaps stick to a dedicated email account.

Facing this at the moment - have a restraining order but can't see how i can practically keep this in place in the circumstances