soical service saying they will go court and try take my unborn baby when it is born. saying they dont want the father of the baby in its life. What can i do to stop this? or any advice?

[kmbxxx]

I'm 18 years old and pregnant with my first child at 17 weeks today. My partner is quite a bit older then me, he has a criminal record and has been to prison once in the past. He is changed now and regrets his decision what he made in the past but the reason he went to prison was nothing too serious, yes I know he still shouldn't of made it. ive seen all his court papers and convictions.
He has children with a previous partner witch social service was involved with, he was allowed to see and be with his children until he broke up with the ex who made a stop to that. but nothing to do with the social services.
When I went to the hospital at 12 weeks pregnant shortly after social service was involved with me and my unborn baby. They wanted me to leave the father of the baby and said if I do not they will go to court and try get my baby token off me when I give birth to it. Clearly I said I will leave my partner if it means I keep my baby but I asked for help with somewhere to live because I can not stay with friend as they all have full houses and same with family, plus my mum hasn't got no where to live as well so she staying with a friend(just about).
They agreed to help me find somewhere to live and within the area my friends and family are so I have support.
A few weeks later my social worker phoned me and said he has three refuges that I could go to and that are near by.... They wasn't near by, they was 2-3 hours away. I didn't want to go somewhere I do not no and I didn't want to go somewhere I have no support from people I know. I tried to explain this to the social worker, he then said to me "do you think your friends are going to be there for you once your have this baby? you are going to be a mother now you don't need friends no more" witch clearly made me really upset and hurt because I feel like he don't care about what I need and trying to isolate me from things I know.
I asked the social worker if we could plan something so the baby's father is the baby's life and if the father could prove himself that he was changed and want to be in the baby's life. Even if it means me and the father goes to parenting classes or that they can come visit his place everyday or when ever they want just to prove there's no danger but he has not got back to me. He has not gave me any options for my babys father to be in his/hers life or even contacted him.
Does anyone know what to do in this situation?
Is there any way the baby father can be a part of its life?
I really don't think the social worker is helping, he doesn't get back to me when I try contact him and I always have to chase him up to find out what is going on.
I have a child conference meeting when I am 20 weeks pregnant. that's only 3 weeks away. I am just wanting to know what I can do, I am worried and scared. I feel like I am not enjoying this pregnancy at all because all I have done is stress out over social workers.
When I was younger I had a bad experiences with social service, they put me in care for no reason, no reason of my mums to. They even admitted to that after I was back living with my mum. I am finding it hurt to trust what they say even more because of there not helping now. I feel like they just want to take my baby

They need you to demonstrate that the safety and wellbeing of the baby is your top priority. Any suggestion of involving the baby's father or even being housed nearby undermines that. You are very young, vulnerable and may well not have the full story as to why he no longer sees his other dc or his criminal record. Please listen to their warnings, if SS believe your child is at risk they will act accordingly, with or without your cooperation.

What was your partners crime? They obviously are involved because of what he has done. They normally send you to a refuge there is domestic violence. Is this the case?

If you want to keep your baby, you have to do everything SS requires of you to show that you are doing your absolute utmost to put your child’s needs first. That means staying away from your ex if they tell you to - believe them that there is a good reason for that. That means accepting accommodation when it is offered to you. This is not about your needs; it is about your child’s needs. Right now, they are very concerned that you will not be able to keep your child safe and adequately cared for. You have to do everything within your power to prove them otherwise - if that means moving 2 hours away and not talking to your ex, do it. No ifs, no buts, no asking for other options. You have to work with them 100%.

I know you’re scared and are finding it very difficult to trust anyone, you’re very young yourself, I can only imagine how hard this is. But you can’t mess social services around - they will prioritise your baby’s safety and welfare above absolutely everything else, you have to clearly demonstrate you can do the same.

My adopted son was removed at birth because his mother refused to leave his father and also receive help with parenting.

You need to show that your child is your priority, not just for now, but long term. Do everything SS ask you to; it will be worth it. Good luck.

The child protection conference will be a meeting with your social worker and other professional agencies who are involved in your life e.g. Midwives. The police will be asked to provide a report to the Chair of the conference with a background check on your partner. This may include more information than what your partner has told you.

The social worker will also provide a report and recommendations to the conference Chair. They will send you a copy of their report before the meeting.

You will then get a chance to put your view across the meeting. You will be allowed to take someone with you as support, like your mom. At the end of the meeting they will agree a plan if support - but this will include things such as staying away from people that will be unsafe for your baby. Yes it is possible in some cases they will do a risk assessment and parenting assessment and that the baby's father can have some involvement but it would depend on individual cases and what the truth actually is about your partner's history. You will need to demonstrate that you are willing to keep your baby safe and that may involve moving away from your current area to live in the refuge you are being offered, and to stop contact with the baby's father and any other people you know who may be unsafe around a child.

You're 18. You feel grown up, but there's a lot which is different in the big world, and you are on the cusp of having to grow up very fast.

There are somethings which social services find unforgivable. I know of a couple who broke the skull of one of their children. All of their kids were removed. They kept having more children who were all taken away at birth. No second chances or attempts to change, and rightly so. Allegations of sexual abuse of children is a similar situation.

You're 18, how old is he? How long have you known each other? For most people an older man and a 16/17/18 year old is suspicious in itself.
He may still be on his best behaviour around you.

You say you have information about his criminal record and have seen the court documents. Fair enough.

Where did you hear the story about his ex from? Just from him? Its very possible that if you went to his ex you'd get a very different story.

Go to the meeting with your mum if you have a good relationship with her and open mind.
Ask them nicely what they're worried about and listen.
Social services don't gain anything from taking your child away.

Then you probably have one of the biggest decisions of your life to make.
Do you put this child first and do everything in your power to parent this child safely at a large sacrifice to yourself.
Moving away is scary, but potentially a chance to make new friends and gain life skills and get support.

Something has happened with your boyfriend that has social services very worried for your child's safety.
Their agenda is clear, protect your child (even at your expense, they will put your child's safety over your emotional well being and rightly so).
His agenda is not clear. His relationship with you, his status in the community, his own gain. He has far more reasons to lie than they do.

I'm sorry for what your going through, I'm sorry that life is likely about to make you grow up too fast.

You need to give up Happily Ever After with your boyfriend and your child, and learning that happily ever after doesn't exist is something most adults have ongoing struggles with.

You need to make a decision and own it, knowing that what ever choice you make, it will hurt (a lot).

kmb, negroni and others have given good advice. Moving to a refuge would be not the end but the beginning. You would be with your baby in a place where you would receive help and advice, and meet other women going through very difficult times. The priority is the safety & wellbeing of your child. Do as SS advise. Good luck.

When I went to the hospital at 12 weeks pregnant shortly after social service was involved with me and my unborn baby.

What happened with you for social services to become involved. It sounds serious?

I meant negomi.

I'm going to echo what others have said which is don't under estimate social services power . If they are telling you the only way for you to keep your baby is to leave your bf they mean it.
Please don't be emailing SS trying to get your boyfriend rights to baby ! It makes it look like you will put your partners needs above your baby's.
Ask for parenting classes , and help for yourself , show a willingness to engage .
You say your mum is homeless also ? Could this be a reason why your social worker wants you to move so far away ? As a fresh start.
If it goes to case conference. Ask to see all reports 48 hours beforehand. Keep your cool, tell them all that matters is your baby .
Good luck

OP - you might find this website really helpful, to understand the law as it applies to your situation, and why SS are acting in this way

childprotectionresource.online/

You need to get rid of him. And fast. I'm sure there are cases where ss get it wrong and totally innocent parents lose children. I'm also sure for every one of them there is 99 that didn't listen to their advice about getting shut of a unsuitable man.

Either way you want your baby. So do everything they say to please them. Your baby is more important than your relationship with him.

agree with what all other posters have said, you must put your baby first- lots of women think 'oh a baby needs to know its father' and most of the time they are right, and social services think so too-
so- think! WHY are they so concerned to keep your bf away from this baby? they WILL have good reasons, trust me.
oing to a refuge is not the end of the worls, you will be supported there and you will not be the first woman to have a baby whilst in refuge. They will help you with everything- benefits, finding a new midwife, getting stuff for the baby, and eventually moving out and starting a new life.
If you have the chance (ask the sw) go to the Freedom Programme, it will help you see your bf in a new light.

You are entitled to free non means tested legal aid when subjected to care proceedings. You can find a legal aid solicitor on the law society website. You do need to be represented and have legal advice. It sounds as though there are concerns due to either dv or he may be on the sex offenders register. Other posters are quite correct in that you need to drop all contact with this man and move to an area that satisfies ss you are prioritising your baby's safety and well being. I am sure you do not know the full extent of this man's criminal history, and I would suspect he has hidden a lot from you. Please do not make the mistake of thinking this man can remain in your life. The blunt truth is you can have him OR your baby, but not both. Get a solicitor too asap, as they will help you through the process of keeping your baby safe.

Hi op, I’m sorry that you’re going through such a tough time.

Previous posters have given some great advice, but it’s easy for us to say, the decisions have to be your own. I’m not going to repeat what has already been said, but I just want to point out a few things for you to think about when deciding what to do.

1 – Your partners ex could not stop all contact without good course.
The default position in family law is that it is in a child’s best interest to have contact with both parent, and it takes a lot to override that (eg. A danger to the child). You can read hundreds of threads on hear about people been made to facilitate contact with unpleasant / abusive ex’s, so to block contact 100% (as in not even allow supervised contact), whatever went on mush have been very serious.

2 – You will not have to live in the refuge for ever
If you don’t move and they take your baby, there’s probably no going back from that, whereas moving into the refuge will only ever be temporary. Once you have proved you can keep your baby safe and parent effectively you will be allowed and encouraged to find your own place. Obviously you will not be able to move back to your current home, but a new flat that is nearer friend and family should be acceptable.

3 – Your partner (or ex now?) can fight his own battles
As a parent he has the same rights you do, so once baby’s born can apply for contact on his own. SS will then evaluate the pro / cons, but separately to your case. If you keep ties with him (and asking about his contact will be seen as this) you will be judged as a unit and that will damage your case. Losing the baby because you’re worried about his relationship with him/her will help no one.

You might also consider that choices made now might not only affect this baby but questions might also be raised over subsequent children even with other partners.

If you have not already done so you need to end your relationship with this man. As for him seeing the baby, let him approach social services, do not get involved.
I'd agree to the move:
It shows willing and ability to prioritize your child's needs
It will make it easier for you to stay away from the father
You will be in a supportive environment.
As other posters have said it's not forever.

Echoing what all the previous posters have said. Social services don’t fuck about. They will absolutely prioritise baby's safety over your needs, your partner’s needs, your relationship.

I think in your shoes I’d go to the local police and see if they can tell you what’s going on with this man.

I’m not sure if Sarah’s law applies to an unborn child?

I’m sorry to say that I think he has either lied to you or not told the full truth. What he went to prison for may not be the same thing that they are worried he might do to hurt your baby.

Unfortunately men like this do tend to go for young women like yourself who are more vulnerable due to having been in the system.

Has your partner hurt you?

Do social services think your friends are a bad influence? Maybe they drink or use drugs?

Can you look yourself for accommodation? You are old enough to find your own place really, you don’t have to go where you are put. You could apply to the council, housing associations, and maybe there are mum and baby flats with support in your area? Have you been to the council housing team? Don’t wait for social services to do it for you if you don’t want them to treat you like a child.

How has he reacted to being told they want you to move? Are you scared of him?

.

The refuge is just a temporary measure to help you get into social housing. Just do what they say. In regards to as acting inappropriately you should go see a lawyer, they will be able to explain to you whether SS is behaving reasonably or not. If they aren't you can launch a judicial revirw.

Has he told you about his past convictions or has the police? Either you are minisiming what he has done or he has not told you everything. Children are not taken care because he has stolen something.

If you want to keep your child then you need to end all contact with this man.

Racecardriver I think it more likely that Social services will apply to court for an emergency order as soon as the child is born. My experience is they apply on the day or the following day. Social services do not remove children without a court order. Not sure why you think a Jr appropriate. Social services haven't done anything yet.

Bless you what a difficult decision for you.

I've had social worker involvement with my kids, and i know how stressful it is. Please accept the place in the refuge and ask the social worker if they can help you get on to the freedom programme. Ask also if you can get on to a triple p parenting course before the baby is born. Ask for a family support worker to be assigned to you. Jump through every hoop they give you, and do this smiling if possible. Tell them you are grateful for all their help and that you understand they are concerned about your baby.

They want you to be in a safe and stable place so that you can look after your baby. You need to prove that you are a capable mother ( you don't have to be amazing yet, just good enough).

It sounds like the social worker was tactless but he might be right about your friends. It's a sad fact that they might fade away once you have a baby to care for 24/7. Hopefully not all of them will, but you probably need to prepare yourself for this.

Also, they are probably concerned about your mum's influence on your parenting. Whatever the rights and wrongs of it, there will be a record that you were taken into care. You will need to prove you have a good support network that doesn't include your mum (although obviously nothing will take away the relationship you have with her).

I do hope you find the strength to make the right decisions and to keep on making them when it's hard for you. I am sending you ask the good vibes I know how to send! !

I am an old woman of 46 and I have seen this situation a few times. You can turn this around, I know you can

You have some great advice here

Looking through actions of local authority rouge social workers and there are many of them I hope you kept your baby