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Original poster

Not sure what to do anymore

28 replies

Mamaatwitsend · 08/07/2018 16:07

My ex "took me to court" last year
I say this loosely as i never received anything except a phone call one morning from a woman claiming to be from the court and in the background my ex was telling her what he wanted, the woman said this is what he wants you have no say and she hung up.

Fast forward a year I have mad enough my daughter see her dad on the days he demanded, listened to her cry every night before she goes to his and taken her to meet him crying her eyes out dealt with his abuse towards me infront of her seen her literally being dragged away from me. I have told all this to cafcass they don't care as well as school and social services and they won't help as he just turns on the charm And make sure he slanders
Me bringing up my past post natal depression and my anxiety and my psoriasis and my apparent adultery because I wouldn't do anything with him when we were together

Our child is 6 years old we broke up when she was 1 he didnt bother with her until last January
I know I chose to have a baby with him but i didn't chose to be abused when pregnant after having her and now

This weekend I withheld contact due to the previous weekend of her being dragged down the street away from me but he got his gf to drive him to my house three times to shout at me about how he is going to win and offered me money to have her which I said no amount of money would ever make me give her up. He bluffed calling the police as that's his game and i shut the door in his face and went upstairs to find my daughter crying and shaking under my duvet.
We can't keep living like this anymore but no one will listen to me or hear her voice as she's too young

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 08/07/2018 16:11

Do you actually have a court order in place

Original poster
Mamaatwitsend · 08/07/2018 18:11

Iv never seen evidence of it
The only thing Iv been asked to do was a separated parent course and mediation.
Part of me doesn't believe that it's real as he is so quick to threaten court and the police all the time to get his way
The other part of me is scared that he will get her taken off me.

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 08/07/2018 18:15

then there is no court order at all - you would have received proper documentation and court dates - nothing could happen without you being there. Not least because most of these get done in direction hearings where the parties reach agreement rather than dictated by a judge

Applesfortea · 08/07/2018 18:24

Court proceedings don't happen like that. You get papers & you are notified of a hearing date. You get an appointment with Cafcass, often by phone at first & you tell them your concerns. At the hearing you tell the judge what you think should happen, so does he & so do Cafcass. A decision might be made about contact or it might be adjourned for Cafcass to prepare a report. You get an order telling you when to go back to court.
If none of that happened & you just got a random phone call from someone who told you they're from the court, without any proof of who they were - why did you believe them? It could have been anyone on the phone.
Sounds to me like he's made it all up.

Original poster
Mamaatwitsend · 08/07/2018 22:03

I never had any of these things
And when I spoke to cafcass it was over email and I was told afterwards by my ex everything I'd said.

Iv always said that I don't believe the court order. But I'm just terrified of my ex and his family they know where I live and where her school is, Hes due to pick her up from school on Wednesday even if I go there to pick her up he will be there and school refuse to stop him as he thrusts his copy he got of her birth certificate a them and they let him do anything. And like this weekend he's shown up three times at my house but even when I called the police to ask advice they said that they wouldn't be able to do anything.

OP posts:
Sistersofmercy101 · 08/07/2018 22:37

If you had been taken to court, you'd have legal paper notification and a court date, you'd have had a call and or paper contact from caffcass and then you'd have had to attend a day in the court (if not attended you'd either be notified of a second date to attend court or you'd have been served with a legal court order of the courts decision)... What you have described sounds as if your ex, with help from other mates has SCAMMED you. To terrify you into compliance and get what he wants! If you have text /email /written letters take them to the police and report your ex for harassment.

notapizzaeater · 08/07/2018 22:43

Have you told the police he harassing you? I'd start there and try and get that stopped,

Applesfortea · 08/07/2018 22:44

Get some legal advice. It sounds like you need some help to stop him harassing you. A warning letter from a solicitor might help.

Rockhopper81 · 08/07/2018 22:46

Can’t advise from the legal/court point of view, but from a school point of view - if he’s on the birth certificate, he has parental responsibility (unless removed for whatever reason), and school can’t deny someone with parental responsibility collecting their child. If there was an injunction or court order in place, then they could. That’s not the school’s fault - they cannot do anything else.

That said, it all sound crap and like he’s still manipulating you, as well as distressing your daughter. I hope you get a resolution to this swiftly. Flowers

Original poster
Mamaatwitsend · 08/07/2018 22:48

I have no evidence of anything other than what neighbors could say about him screaming at me outside my house for hours or security footage of the store we were outside of when he dragged daughter off

But when I mentioned this to the police they said nothing could be done without proper evidence and he's very clever never to call or text me.

It doesn't surprise me that he would lie about all this at all whatsoever and very funny how he only bothered when we moved closer to him
There was zero contact when we lived father away (moved back as was very lonely and I wanted to be near to my family)

OP posts:
FinallyFree123456789 · 08/07/2018 22:51

I’ve been through the court process.

Cafcass don’t contact you by email. They send one first asking you to sign up to egress - a cafcass safe service to open emails - then you have a telephone call that’s booked with you in advanced by letter - then they send you the report usually a week before the court date.
Court send you letters which would instruct mediation and cafcass to do reports and stipulating a court date.
Doesn’t sound like you’ve had any of these - therefore no court order is in place and you haven’t broken anything.
If you want to stop him collecting her you need to go to court for a prohibited steps order - the school can’t withold her from him as there is no court order in place therefore he can collect her as there is nothing stopping him.
It sounds like he has tricked you with the help of his friends as he wouldn’t want to pay the court fees and go through the court process.
Go and seek legal advice ASAP / most solicitors give you free 30 Mins with them.

To keep him away from you - you would need an injunction. To stop himcollecting your dd you need a prohibited order.

Do you have the emails from the so called cafcass?

Original poster
Mamaatwitsend · 08/07/2018 22:51

Yeh school said that they can't do do anything regarding him being on birth certificate and picking her up
One More mistake I made I guess

But hes manipulated school too
They say they've can't be bias to one parent but they think he's amazing.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mamaatwitsend · 08/07/2018 22:56

None of that stuff happened @finallyfree123456789

I could try and find the emails but I think they are on an email account I deleted.

I had a letter about mediation and said I was willing to attend but the date they had wasn't suitable so I told them this as had no child care. And heard nothing further

OP posts:
FinallyFree123456789 · 08/07/2018 22:57

Ive had all the his too - honestly - doesn’t matter what other people think; it really only matters what your daughter thinks.

Please seek legal advice on Monday. You can get a prohibited steps order on Tuesday if you sit at court all day on an emergency hearing.

If he has been harrassing you and pulling her out of a shop that’s more than enough to let them put one in place - then he will have to go down the court avenue to see her and he won’t be able to text you etc or instruct anyone else to contact you either.

Do you think he’ll collect her on Wednesday and then not return her to school / you?

FinallyFree123456789 · 08/07/2018 22:58

Then you 100% do not have a court order in place.
He has tricked you.

School will not intervene unless you have a court order in place - as that’s the law.

adviceonthepox · 08/07/2018 22:59

Just block and ignore him. Your mantra should be I will see you in court then. If he turns up at the house use your phone to film him and record him. Log everything with the police and ignore him.

Original poster
Mamaatwitsend · 08/07/2018 23:18

@finallyfree123456789
It isn't the first time he's dragged her off
She's that scared of him she's scared to do anything at his that he wouldn't like, she comes back and has nightmares not wanting to sleep alone and is exhausted from him keeping her up late at night, and when she knows hes picking her up She cries all night the list goes on and on

People say I haven't Tried to get them to have a relationship but would anyone want to be around someone they are scared of.

I think if he picks her up on Wednesday he's going to make it very very difficult and may not give her back to in his words "make up for his time"

This all makes me want to move away again with her and change her schools etc
But i don't even have control over some thing like her last name anymore.

Il go to the solicitor in my town tomorrow I don't know how far il get though I was waiting for legal aid to get sorted.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mamaatwitsend · 08/07/2018 23:22

@adviceonthepox
Hes blocked on my phone and i don't have Facebook etc but it doesnt stop him just coming to her school or my house :(

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 09/07/2018 07:13

Do you have the carcass stuff it sounds like he set up an email to trick you

Go to police get a prohibited steps order, op you are so scared already

Original poster
Mamaatwitsend · 09/07/2018 08:46

The police won't do anything because I mentioned he might/might not have a court order
They told me to go to citizens advice

OP posts:
GrayDays · 09/07/2018 12:15

If your ex has fakes a court order or emails, you should use that again him! It’s malicious and manipulative!
If you see him driving pass or anything film it for the police.
This is awful, I hope it gets better x

Notsurprisedatall · 09/07/2018 12:15

Call the court, ask them if they can find a court order with your names on it. Tell them what you have said here and tell them you think he has pretended to be a court clerk and has forged court orders.

If he has done that then you will probably get rid of him for a few months while he is in prison.

You need to apply to the court for a prohibited steps order.

Ask ex for a copy of his court order.

You would have got a copy of his application too, listing why he is taking you to court. You would have been told you must attend.

I have had a lot of email conversations with carcass, however, these were during a section 7 investigation/report and after meeting her 2/3 times in person at their offices.

You would be asked to log in to view each email on a secure network, for safety... Although a few times our officer forgot to do that.

I would contact carcass and ask them too if their contact exists on their system.

I would apply for a prohibited steps order to prevent him taking her outside of contact times.

I would also apply for a child arrangements order to specify these times.

I would also apply for a non-molestation order to (hopefully) prevent him from from verbally abusing you and dragging your child away and hurting her.

I'd ask for a section 7 and a wishes and feelings report to see how this is affecting your child.

Could you move your daughter's school? You need a school that can support her, give her counselling and work with her about her feelings. They don't sound like they want to help your child.

GrayDays · 09/07/2018 12:16

Tell them he doesn’t, and it’s harassment!

Original poster
Mamaatwitsend · 09/07/2018 13:36

I have contacted the police again today and they are sending somebody out today hopefully before I pick little one up.

They said also like above if he's falsified court documents then he will be in big trouble
And not to worry about him getting her taken off me as it won't happen unless she's abused or mistreat by me, which she isnt

I have looked at her moving schools due to this and unresolved bullying issues from girls in her class. It's a half hour walk to the other school but if it's better for her it's good and good timing with summer soon.

OP posts:
Collaborate · 09/07/2018 13:56

Nothing about this sounds right. Go to a solicitor and ask them to find out for you.