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Original poster

Controlling Husband/home ownership/will

50 replies

Annielorrie · 03/07/2018 12:52

Can anyone help me?

I have been married for 30 years, my husband has always controlled me with his temper, but since all of the children have left home I gained confidence to stand up to his temper.

But now he controls me with money.

I am 62, I cannot work through ill health (and no one willing to employ me due to my health issues) I cannot claim my state pension due to the age being changed.
All I get from him is enough to purchase food for us, if I need anything else, hair cuts etc, I have to ask for the money.
He has also had numerous affairs throughout our marriage.

I have tried unsuccessfully to find a solicitor who will agree to help me divorce my husband, I meet the criteria for legal aid, but because I half own our house I am told I cannot get it, due to having collateral.
He has always refused to sell so that I can move on.

We own our home outright, in joint tenancy, but he has recently made a will and wants to leave his half to his children from his first marriage, but he was obviously told by his solicitor that he can only do that by changing the deeds to Tenancy in common.
He told me that if I didn’t agree e wouldn’t go ahead with it, but I have just been served with the form to change it to ‘In common’ so as usual his promises meant nothing.

I do not begrudge him leaving what money he has squirrelled away to his children, but my husband knows that if he dies before me I would not be able to live without selling our house and living off of the proceeds, but by leaving his half to his children I would not be able to buy a smaller house and try to survive on what is left, or sell and then get a social housing flat and then live off the house money.
When we purchased the house we intended to sell when we reached retirement age and have a more financially secured future, and by doing it as joint tenancy we wanted to make sure whoever died first, the one left would have the house to live on.

I also have children from my first marriage, so I suggested I should make a will leaving my half to my children, he agreed, and even offered to pay for my will. I thanked him and then started finding a solicitor to get it going, but as soon as I did that he said “there is no point in you making a will because you have nothing to leave”
I reminded him I have my half of the house, and at that point he flatly refused to pay for my will.

So I am litterally stuck between a rock and a hard place.

The letter I recieved from his solicitor regarding changing the deeds contained a form for me to sign saying “please sign the form enclosed so that I can go ahead and get the deeds changed and finalise your husbands will”
From her wording it seems that his solicitor thinks I knew all about my husband changing the deeds, but he never told me, I only found out when I opened the letter about the deeds, thats is when I found out about his will.

I need to know how I stand legaly, but because I have no money I cannot get legal help.
The only help I have ever got was from our local citizens advice saying “what ever you do do not walk out of the house”
But I cannot do that anyway, because not only would I be penniless, I would also be homeless!!

Anyone be able to help me?

OP posts:
Original poster
Annielorrie · 03/07/2018 12:57

I meant I knew he was going to make a will, but he would not go ahead if I didn’t agree to the house being left, he said he would leave that out.

OP posts:
OliviaBenson · 03/07/2018 12:58

I’m sure someone knowledgable will be along, but do not sign anything.

Could you contact women’s aid? You are being financially abused, they will have dealt with that before and so they may know solicitors who can take it on without funds.

In the mean time, play dumb about having the form and solicitors letter. Hide it somewhere safe.

littlecabbage · 03/07/2018 13:01

I feel for you, this sounds a horrible situation to be in. I'm sure there is a way out though, and others with experience will advise you well here, I'm sure. Perhaps speak to Womens Aid? Good luck.

HollowTalk · 03/07/2018 13:02

Do not change the deeds at the moment! No way. He's got a bloody nerve expecting you to change them but not doing it himself.

I think you need to find a better lawyer and find some way of having a life for yourself without this man.

HollowTalk · 03/07/2018 13:03

One thing he said, that you have nothing to leave, but he does. You are married and in a legal partnership. What he's saying just isn't true. It doesn't matter who earned the money - you are partners and what you both have together will be shared between you on divorce.

Do NOT let this man persuade you of anything different.

Ariela · 03/07/2018 13:06

Go and see his solicitor and explain the situation and say you are only willing to sign the change of deeds if there is a mirror will written and paid for by your husband for you to leave your half to your children and that he pays for it.

HollowTalk · 03/07/2018 13:10

No, @Ariela. The OP shouldn't go to see his solicitor. She should just refuse to sign anything until she's had advice from her solicitor. She should be looking at a divorce in the meantime.

TheMerryWidow1 · 03/07/2018 13:13

please do not sign this, you will be signing your home away!!! You need to seek legal advice, have you spoken to your children about this? Can one of them stand up to him? His solicitor will only be acting on his instructions he has probably told them you agree to it. You are married and have rights please don't let him take them away from you. I woudn't even sign it even if there was a mirror Will for your children, if he goes before you you won't have a home! xxx

faloma · 03/07/2018 13:15

Divorce him now, you'll get half of everything. Stay and if he dies you'll get nothing if he leaves it all to his dc. You can go for a 30 min free appointment and get the ball rolling. He is abusing you by controlling the finances and his treatment of you is disgusting. Can you ask one of your dc to give you the money to serve the divorce petition as once house is sold you'd be able to repay it.

Spartacunt · 03/07/2018 13:19

There's an active thread at the moment with a family solicitor AMA - she could probably set you on the right path?

NameChange30 · 03/07/2018 13:24

Do not sign anything until you’ve managed to get proper legal advice.

Firstly I think you need to ask Women’s Aid if they can offer support and advice, you should be able to get around the issue of accessing legal aid (despite owning property) as you are a victim of financial abuse, but you may need to report it. Women’s Aid can advise on that.

Secondly you can call the Rights of Women legal helpline. The number and opening times are here rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/family-law/

Good luck

Original poster
Annielorrie · 03/07/2018 15:00

Thank you everyone for your kind comments.

I have tried to find the thread with AMA solicitor? But I cannot find it, is there a link to their thread?

OP posts:
Original poster
Annielorrie · 03/07/2018 15:53

AnotherEmma thank you 🙂

OP posts:
NotARegularPenguin · 03/07/2018 15:56

I would also ring his solicitor and make it clear, infact email and save the email, that you will not be signing. I’m worried he may forge your signature!

prh47bridge · 03/07/2018 16:45

He doesn't actually need your consent to sever the joint tenancy. Even if you don't sign the papers he can still sever it.

Whether the house is held as joint tenants or tenants in common makes no difference to the position on divorce. The equity in the house is still an asset of the marriage and goes into the pot to be divided between you.

It sounds like he has been advised to sever the joint tenancy and make a will giving you a life interest in his half of the house with it then passing to his children. That is the only way he can ensure that his children inherit after your death if he dies first. It is common for blended families to be advised to do this. If he doesn't do it the house will automatically be yours when he dies and you would be able to spend it all or leave it all to your children, cutting his children out completely. If his will is worded correctly it would not stop you from selling the house and downsizing, nor would it stop you from selling, moving into social housing and living off the proceeds of the sale. However, you would have to preserve his children's share.

He is, however, wrong in saying you have nothing to leave. Once the joint tenancy is severed you will own 50% of the house so you should make a will regarding what should happen to that.

This is separate from your desire to divorce. What he is doing sounds like sensible planning, although it doesn't sound like he entirely understands the effect of his actions.

Original poster
Annielorrie · 03/07/2018 17:17

PRH47Bridge

I see what you are saying, and ordinarily I would agree.

But, as soon as I told him I will take him up on his offer to pay for me to make a will using the exact wording he has in his will he got nasty and said there is no way he is going to pay so that I could leave my half to my children.
He said “you want to sell and live a life of luxury” he then called me all the names under the sun.
Basically he cannot stand me ever having money (he loses control over me) no matter where it comes from.

The main point is, by refusing to help me make my will he will get my half of the house if I ie first, and I can say with 1 billion% assurance my children will get absolutely nothing!!!
He knows exactly what he is doing, and he is trying to make sure I cannot leave my half to my children.

Although I have never, nor would I ever, treat his children the same way he has already, and will after I am dead, treat mine.

OP posts:
prh47bridge · 03/07/2018 17:38

I appreciate your problem. You do need to find a way of getting your own will sorted out. Or get divorced, in which case none of this will matter.

Xenia · 03/07/2018 17:52

My father who had not fallen out with my mother did the same by the way - severed the joint tenancy (did not need my mother's consent to do that by the way) so it was tenants in common to leave us his half of the house.

He cannot stop you divorcing him if you want to do so of course and you can do it without using solicitors if you cannot afford one. You can also I believe get divorce loans secured over your half of the house with your fees paid out of your share of the house and anything else you get from him. Does he have a pension? If you do want to divorce him then you just get started on that and you might find you get more than 50% of the house and other assets because you earn less and are too ill to work.
You can if you are really short of money make a will by buying a will form for very little money BUT much better to use a solicitor.

HollowTalk · 03/07/2018 17:53

OP, you need to get angry. Always remember that everything he says and does is in his own self-interest. He will never ever do what's best for you until/unless he's forced to by law. This is why you need a good solicitor now.

Original poster
Annielorrie · 03/07/2018 17:57

Prh47bridge

I just re read your post, you mentioned that I can still sell and live if the sake, but I would still have to “preserve his children’s share”

Niw, he has assured me that even uf I lice a long life and so most of ut has been swollowed up with my luving expwnses I will only have to leave what us left to his children.
Am I thinking he is lting to me again?

If you are right, and there isn’t much left after I die, will my children have to find my husbands half of what it is worth when I sell?? Assuming he goes first, at this time the hiuse is only worth £150,000,

OP posts:
Racecardriver · 03/07/2018 17:57

Legally you are already tenants in common. He has made an act of severance. It doesn't have to be on the deeds to be valid. You can go to a solicitir to get the court to force a sale if he won't sell willingly. You can write your willing using a will kit. It isn't necessary to ha E a lawyer unless it is a conicated case. I would advise seeing a solicitor before signing the change of deed papers-you need to make sure you get your fair share.

Racecardriver · 03/07/2018 18:02

If you sell the house after his death you will almost definitely have to give the children their share upon sale.

Pippylou · 03/07/2018 18:03

www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/articles/how-to-pay-legal-fees-on-divorce-or-dissolution

I would talk to your children if you are able to, no way I'd want my mum in your position.

Are you getting any benefits? With ill health, they are not means tested, tho best to get CAB to help with forms.

LizJones · 03/07/2018 18:14

Stay strong OP.