Living in a house thats not mine

[Guest1987]

Trying to keep this short:

When i met my now husband 13 years ago he lived in a house that his mum and dad bought for him, it's in their name. He lived rent free. And always has.

We got married, had 2 kids, but the arrangement has always been the same. No rent, no nothing. That sounds pretty awesome to some, but to me I hate the utterly lack of protection I have. At one point in our marriage was infidelity on his part and it made me realise how little security I had. We've worked on our marriage pretty hard since, to be fair on both sides. But since that incident I've woken up to knowing nothing is forever.

I'm not sure where to go from here? Although living in a house rent free is wonderful and we can invest money into our family and children (which is really MIL and FILs reason to all this, and I appreciate that) I have told my husband I am no longer happy feeling this way, but surely I need to protect myself somehow?

Any advice? To put up and shut up is such a risk in my eyes.

Who has been paying the council tax, utility bills, insurance and keeping the house up to date. What protection do you want.

Well, what are your actual options?

Move out, get a mortgage. Your husband is unlikely to want to do that, can you or do you want to do it alone?
Move out and rent somewhere else, same question.

If I were you I would be very happy that I had a free home. and I would have been saving the amount I would have paid in rent this entire time in a high interest account.

Whose name is the house in

Sorry did not see in your post, can't the house be transferred into yours and dh name, what happens in the future as they own the house,

Can you elaborate on what's been happening to all the income that would have otherwise gone on the costs of running a house? There should be a hefty nest egg somewhere?

I’d go and see a family law solicitor to talk through how things would likely pan out under the current arrangement in the event that you split. However, as the house belongs to the ILs and not your DH I suspect you’d be extremely hard pushed to ever make a claim on it. If he’s previously been unfaithful do you think this might be deliberate on his part? Are there other marital assets e.g. do you have hefty savings as you haven’t been paying rent/mortgage all these years? Are you currently working? Financial independence and the ability to provide for yourself are as important a protection as anything else.

Do you work? Can you save up money for a deposit and buy a buy to let property in your name? Then you will always have something yours incase things do go wrong

Have you wondered what would happen to,the house as an asset if in-laws were to die or need to go into care,

I'd hope you'd have enough savings that you wouldn't need to worry. If you don't, maybe this is a wake up that you should be saving at least what you'd have put into a mortgage or rent.
Might be worth seeing a financial advisor.

You would have to buy an investment property with the money you save not having housing costs.

Buy another house.

May I ask if you are living in the U.K.? I'm asking because in dh's home country it's the custom for parents to buy a house for their ds. When I lived in dh's country, we lived in a house which was in his dad's name. I used to be worried sick about it. To be fair to my dh, when we moved to the U.K, he bought a house as soon as possible and put it in joint names (I was a SAHM) because he understood how insecure I felt. However we didn't have that option in his home country, you don't get mortgages (unbelievable I know).

Start saving in the amount you’d otherwise pay in rent?

Yikes, I'd be worried too. Agree to save like mad if you're not already.

What's the set up work/savings wise?

I have a good nest egg because of this. We invested a bit in getting the house done up as it was more of his uni pad when I met him, but other than that we’re very comfortable. I’ve never actively saved as such after the kids were born but I am now. All income except DHs part time work comes to my bank account. We don’t have a joint account so it’s easy to stash and spend.

This is by far a different situation to what I was brought up in, where we had no money at all as my parents were alcoholics and we were pretty neglected. So of course I appreciate how very very lucky we are in the sense that we don’t have to pay rent and insurance.

I do pay council tax and utilities. Im employed and I’m self employed. If I was to be left in the shit I could throw money at another place easy enough. Is that enough? Having backup like that? Feels a bit shitty, but at the same time I guess I can continue saving?

That all sounds positive. Definitely keep saving and maybe look at a buy go let investment in your name only. However I’d be loath to pay anything towards the upkeep of a house that wasn’t mine. Council tax/utilities are different as I suppose you’d have to pay these even if you were renting on your own.

Have you discussed the house situation with your DH? Would it be a possibility to transfer it into your names? And do you know what would happen if your ILs died? Would your DH inherit? What about inheritance tax? And if your ILs ever needed long term nursing care, could the house you’re living in end up being sold to pay? ... so many questions here, make sure you know where you stand.

I would buy another house and rent it out. Doesn't have to be a big one, just somewhere you know you could go to if you needed it.

God knows what his parents ideas are, they are pretty wealthy. I honestly don’t care for all of that, all I’ve ever wanted is to be independent and comfortable in life ykwim?

I’m going to look at my options with regards to buying elsewhere and renting it out. I like this idea

all I’ve ever wanted is to be independent and comfortable in life ykwim

so you lived rent free in your pils house for a decade? Not really yearning for independence then.

so you lived rent free in your pils house for a decade? Not really yearning for independence then

Thanks, but off you fuck.

Thank you to all the other sensible suggestions and support. I may have perhaps been niave in the past but better late than never. :)

Rude. I guess you don't like it when someone points out your hypocrisy. maybe just don't post about it then?

I know a few parents that do this to protect their son’s assets.
Take the money that would otherwise be spent on rent and invest in another property.

@doesthislookoddtoyou Hardly, I didn't see you post any helpful advice, just a judgement.

@Ivebeenaroundtheblock This is what I think it is sometimes. Fair enough, they can do what they want, but obviously it's not good for my personal point of view.
I think that is really the best I can do in this situation.

Is your other half saving too? You’re in a bad position if he isn’t. In the event of a divorce he has a claim against those savings of yours or any equity you might have in any investment house you purchase in your sole name.