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Legal matters

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

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Original poster

Desperate- can he really make me and our child homeless

84 replies

PhoenixIsRising · 10/12/2017 09:06

Partner of many years has had affair and now decided he wants to have a new life without me and our 2 year old with this new, much younger woman.

He owns the house. I have been visiting family in the last week (swapping xmas presents etc) and now says that as I have 'moved out' I have no right to return to the property.

Can this really be the case? I know I have no right of ownership to the property but surely he can't make me and his own child homeless like this?

Despite his astronomical salary I have always paid for everything relating to the child and all our food (but critically nothing relating to the house). This means I do not have a great deal of income as I earned significantly less than him and was also part time.

I posted originally in chat but was advised to ask in this board in case there was anyone with a legal perspective that could help.

OP posts:

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 10/12/2017 11:58

You didn’t need to be abused to get an occupation order as a cohabitee. I’ll have a Google.

AdalindSchade · 10/12/2017 11:58

What an arsehole.
Unfortunately you've learnt what happens when women make themselves and their children dependent on the goodwill of men. Get benefits application in, get down to the local council housing office at 8.30am tomorrow and don't leave until you have a bed for you and your daughter.

retirednow · 10/12/2017 12:01

I agree with a PP, ask if he will 'help' you look for somewhere else to live, pay the deposit and rent until you can get something sorted. You say he earns a fortune so can easily afford it. Even if he can just kick you out of your home doesn't he have a responsibility towards his 2 year old child, how can he make you homeless in this cold miserable weather just before Christmas. Why can't he move in with his new GF. What a horrid man. He will be in for one hell of a shock when his new GF decides he's not worth it either.

expatinscotland · 10/12/2017 12:02

Yes, he can make you homeless. People who do this will usually also find ways to minimise the amount of maintenance they're obliged to pay. He's played you, but you fell right into his trap. Rebuild your life, and never, ever accept such financial disparity in a relationship again. EVERY time I read on here a post from a woman saying she is with 'DP' and jacking in FT work to be a SAHP/part time employee, I cringe. It leaves you incredibly vulnerable. You do have the right to retrieve your belongings.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 10/12/2017 12:07

He must also give “reasonable notice” but you can only enforce this through the courts.

You need to see a solicitor ASAP.

Bluntness100 · 10/12/2017 12:08

Op, has he mentioned this before? It doesn’t change his legal rights but it seems very drastic to suddenly say you’ve moved out and to refuse to let you back in. You knew about his relationship with someone else. Has he asked you to leave before?

It’s just such an awful heartless thing to do, especially with no prior notice

SchadenfreudePersonified · 10/12/2017 12:11

I have no advice, but didn't want to read and run.

This is particularly shitty behaviour on his part - and on the part of his OW, if she is aware that there is a child involved (and surely se must be, if they have had an ongoing illicit relationship).

Does he have any family that would be prepared to offer at least some financial support to their grand-daughter/ nice/ whatever, even if they don't give a damn about you.

What a total wanker he is!

ivykaty44 · 10/12/2017 12:22

op please go to district council offices tomorrow and seek help, they will have the telephone numbers for woman’s aid and shelter.

In the long run your Aweful circumstances may help you in the long run to get a place through the council which will be cheaper than private rental and more secure. You may be in temporary accommodation for a while though - this obviously will depend on many factors.

You will also be able to put in a claim for housing benefit and council tax relief- so if you can take wage slips with you, as these will be needed even for temporary accommodations

Cancerisacunt · 10/12/2017 12:23

This needs to be raised awareness off.

Sorry op he’s a shit

expatinscotland · 10/12/2017 12:28

People have tried to raise awareness, but women still keep sleepwalking into this situation.

GrockleBocs · 10/12/2017 12:29

This happened to someone I know. Out on the street with the dc suddenly. The council did find her somewhere.

Whoyagonna · 10/12/2017 12:40

Ye, a power indifference never makes for a balanced relationship in the long-run I think. It has taken me 40 years to figure that out though lol.

Whoyagonna · 10/12/2017 12:47

I've seen some posters desperately trying to push the point that you shouldn't have children without a marriage under your belt, but it's usually a lone voice in a wilderness where people do walk blindly into such situations. Plus shit happens, life happens. I think some women see being married as being tied down rather than as having more rights.

Whoyagonna · 10/12/2017 12:51

Op, I know you haven't had a chance to reply yet, but has he expressed any concern about your dd and where she will live or even spend Christmas? How acrimonious is this split? How long have you known about the affair?

QueenLaBeefah · 10/12/2017 13:07

Yes, he can do this and he is clearly a total pig.

Your best bet would be to present yourself as homeless at the council. You could try asking him to help you rent privately but this could be humiliating and TBH if he is the sort of man who can happily make his own baby homeless you may well be wasting your time.

This happened to a friend of mine when she was on maternity leave. Went out of the house with her baby to buy nappies and found all her possessions on the front door step when she got home. Police couldn't have given a shit. Her ex was well paid but could also afford good accountants and has paid a pittance in child support.

QueenLaBeefah · 10/12/2017 13:07

Oh and he tells all and sundry that she is a psycho and prevents him seeing his child.

MrsBertBibby · 10/12/2017 14:27

Bluntness you are significantly wrong in telling OP she has no rights. I am a family solicitor. I know what I am talking about.

OP you can absolutely get an order forcing him to let you move back in, for up to 6 months. That can be renewed once, so a year total.

You may well not get an order excluding him (those are generally only made in cases of serious violence).

You should also, as I said, take advice on whether an application under Schedule 1 Children Act would be sensible. The court has the power to order a parent to make a property available to the other parent for the benefit of the child.

It may not be a realistic or attractive prospect in your particular circumstances but you should seek advice before deciding to hit the emergency homeless button.

Whoyagonna · 10/12/2017 14:44

Well that certainly sounds more positive MrsBert.

Bluntness100 · 10/12/2017 14:47

Well mrs Bert I hope you’re right and not giving this woman false hope. We shall see.

FireCracker2 · 10/12/2017 15:07

mrsBert isn't all that going to take months to sort out (even IF she is successful)

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 10/12/2017 15:08

The occupation order shouldn’t take very long to sort out.

ivykaty44 · 10/12/2017 15:20

How long will it take for the occupation order and where is op going to live in the mean time? As she is homeless?

worridmum · 10/12/2017 15:28

You do know he only has responsible for homing your child not you theoretically he could take you to court to become RP as he has a home while you are homeless.

But that is worse case scenario you can get an occupational order but you would potentially have to live with him (unlikely they will exclude him) and you could be liable to pay him full market rate rent (it is not going to long term or free for you to live there).

Get some proper legal advice as you dont know who is a lawyer or not ( i haven't practiced family law for awhile so my advice might be out of date).

So get proper advice rather then just listerning to a forum.

Collaborate · 10/12/2017 16:19

MrsBertBibby is of course correct as usual. Bluntness it takes remarkable confidence to call a solicitor out and say they’re wrong when you’re apparently not sure enough yourself that you say you hope she’s right. Negativity on Legal, especially posted by those who are just guessing, can have serious consequences if people accept wrong advice as gospel.

Original poster

PhoenixIsRising · 10/12/2017 17:15

Thank you so much for all your advice.

I do indeed have somewhere to go and naturally living with this inadequate manchild is not a cherished dream anymore but neither do I think he should just get away with throwing us to the wind and living it up.

I shall speak to a solicitor and see what is what.

Thanks again.

OP posts:

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