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Original poster

Advice re parents threatening to dispose of my things

45 replies

Lookuplookdownlookallaround · 23/09/2017 23:00

Over 10 yrs ago I put my house up for sale & with permission moved a lot of boxes to my parents house temporarily in my old bedroom. My house didn't sell but then we got building work done instead so boxes stayed at my parents with permission. I had a child, parents helped transport baby things to my old room as further children planned. Parents have a big 4 bed house & never once voiced an issue with this arrangement helping me out as my house is small, sometimes suggesting stuff went over themselves & taking it for me.

Now fast forward several yrs, there are difficulties in the family & I'm not close to them due to several incidents. Never once has anyone raised my items at theirs for discussion although I have been very conscious I need to get them back lately for my sake as much as theirs.

However out of the blue my stepfather told me I must collect it all with a set time frame (4 weeks) or he is disposing everything. I suggested a date & he then said I could only actually collect it for the last wk as they had plans. So we agreed a date to which he has now gone back on having subsequently made other plans saying I will have to do it one of the other days.

I've organised for support getting my things (transport, physical help carrying & someone in my home town for my children) as my parents are 30 miles away, a self employed friend has kept a day clear she could've been working to help me. I feel my parents are being difficult for the sake of it (my step father can be a petty & difficult man).

Do I have any rights in the situation? Could they just dispose of my things? Can I demand access?

There's lots of some value but also sentimental things, letters from deceased relatives. Help!

OP posts:
CallMeKate · 23/09/2017 23:05

Storing things for over 10 years is a bit much to ask to be fair. I have adult DC's and no way would I store things for this amount of time for them, afterall my home is my home nd not a storage unit for their stuff.

Krapom · 23/09/2017 23:23

It sounds like you’ve been taking the piss a wee bit with this. If the stuff has been there that long, surely you don’t actually need it any more. It also sounds like you have emotionally detached from them but will still happily clutter up their home. Reducing/ cutting contact is your call but you can’t continue to take the practical help as it suits you at the same time.

Original poster
Lookuplookdownlookallaround · 23/09/2017 23:24

This post isn't about the time length as such, that was more a background info bit. My parents don't do anything practical to help my family despite being in a position to be able to, and I mean not even take the grandkids out once in 5 yrs. I am a LP so those choices are theirs to make but they are significant to me as a parent. The only thing they've done for yrs is 'mind' this stuff. Too long I agree but I've had yrs of urgent priorities & they were willing to give this support storage wise so no one was once complaining.

That's not really what this is about anyway.

It's about whether I have any rights to my things or could they actually get rid without my permission & if I have any rights what are they, what can I do.

OP posts:
TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 23/09/2017 23:27

You can get off your butt and take care of your own property!

coolaschmoola · 23/09/2017 23:29

You've been given reasonable notice to remove your property from their house. If you don't do that then they can dispose of it.

sooperdooper · 23/09/2017 23:33

What can you possibly have stored for ten years without needing it that's still of any use?

Your parents aren't obliged to do anything for you once you're an adult, and taking up a room in their house for this length of time is taking the piss

Just get it collected asap, you're lucky they've not skipped it already

GreenTulips · 23/09/2017 23:33

You can get a police escort to help gain access to get your things

Stop asking and start telling them X day ask them to leave a key if necessary

Email and keep records of attempts

Otherwise it's the small claims court

sooperdooper · 23/09/2017 23:35

Yeah because the police have nothing better to do when they're underfunded and understaffed than deal with this Confused

Do not involve the police ffs

ThatsNotAKnifeThatsASpoon · 23/09/2017 23:35

It's sad that the relationship has deteriorated to this extent and that they have no real interest in their grandchildren but no,I don't think you have any legal recourse in this scenario. Just collect your stuff on a day that suits them (even if you have to pay to hire a van to transport).

ThatsNotAKnifeThatsASpoon · 23/09/2017 23:37

I really doubt the police will be inclined to provide an escort, Greentulips, don't mislead the OP Confused

Fishface77 · 23/09/2017 23:40

Think your getting a hard time op!
Could you just turn up and collect your stuff?
I would put it in writing via recorded delivery that you have taken "legal advice"and are happy to remove said boxes at a mutually convenient date.
Failing that could you just turn up?

Appuskidu · 23/09/2017 23:41

Just go and get the stuff if it's that important!!

Original poster
Lookuplookdownlookallaround · 24/09/2017 00:00

It is my stuff and I want it back. As I said they've never once mentioned it in the past 10 yrs either! Except to offer to mind more stuff ie it's never ever been an issue.

I can't turn up as such, I don't have a key. It needs to be arranged. My friend has a van or ud have to hire one as my car is tiny. It needs organising, they aren't just around the corner.

I was hoping someone with legal experience could give a viewpoint on here. Obvs there's loads more that's gone on in 10 yrs than dropping off my stuff then this. This post isn't about picking thru whether it was right it's been there that long. It's about whether I have any rights now & what's the best thing to do, now I'm being told to get it by a certain date 4 wks away, then when i try to arrange a date within a week to be told I can actually only get it the last wk, then I arrange a date in the last wk they agree then cancel last minute. I can't scoot over at the drop of a hat, I have to plan it in & make alternative arrangements for my children if I'm not in town. They're being difficult & unreliable, all I'm trying to do is get the stuff asap they asked me to! And to be clear this is the first time that's ever been asked!

Does anyone have legal knowledge on this, as opposed to an opinion?

OP posts:
MadamQuimby · 24/09/2017 00:03

You've been given options for access, and it's to suit your parents who have stored your stuff for 10yrs without any financial recompense.
Use the dates they've given and get your stuff out of their house.
You sound like the unreasonable/entitled one here.
If it means so much then go get your stuff.

Original poster
Lookuplookdownlookallaround · 24/09/2017 00:06

Erm they have not given a specific date to do it that suits them. When did I say that? They said it has to be done BY a certain date and anytime is fine but everytime I suggest a date one way or another it's declined.

OP posts:
AdoraBell · 24/09/2017 00:08

Can you speak to your DM rather than stepfather? Obviously I don't know incidents were that caused the distance.

Thesecondtoast · 24/09/2017 00:08

Ask them to provide dates and times of convenient for them and pick one? Legally no one legal would want to be involved in this. The police won't and nor will most solicitors and would give you the advice above

AdoraBell · 24/09/2017 00:09

Ah, if they are refusing every date you suggest ask them for a date.

sooperdooper · 24/09/2017 00:09

Ask them to leave a key somewhere (with a neighbour?) if they're not going to be in when you can go

Original poster
Lookuplookdownlookallaround · 24/09/2017 00:10

I don't understand how it's entitled to have an arrangement with someone they are happy with, the first moment they say they are not happy I'm trying to arrrange to remove my things as they wish.

Entitled would be arguing they should still store it against their will surely. That's not what's going on here.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lookuplookdownlookallaround · 24/09/2017 00:17

My DM has been distinctly silent throughout this whole episode, my DSF is leading all moves & correspondence. He can be an absolute nightmare & he loves an argument, hard to say if he's driving this or speaking for them both but either way the danger to my things remains!

There is no way they'd leave a key with someone else unfortunately. DSF always has to be in control.

OP posts:
KindleBueno · 24/09/2017 00:30

'hi SF, what day can I collect my stuff?' Doesn't need to be a drama.

Original poster
Lookuplookdownlookallaround · 24/09/2017 00:39
  1. He's offered 'any day' but isn't honouring that when it comes to it
  2. I cannot necessarily do 'any day' he picks due to being reliant on other ppl to look after my kids, as they well know

I agree no need for drama, if my SF was reliable in what he says / offers. As he's not being, it makes things very difficult for me with out making adequate plans for my kids. I can't take them as my car is already too small space wise for transporting & I wouldn't want them in a van with me, I'm not used to driving big vehicles.

OP posts:
Jux · 24/09/2017 01:19

"HI mum, when can I get my stuff out of your hair? Oh, and could I take you out for lunch or supper to say thanks? What's your fave champagne, and fave chocs?"

Out2pasture · 24/09/2017 02:13

they are 30 miles away not 3000!!