Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Legal matters

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Has anyone had a solicitor send a cease and desist letter?

27 replies

BeingHarassed · 14/09/2017 10:06

I'm trying to find a solicitor to send a cease and desist letter to someone who won't leave me alone. I know I could go to the police but I don't want to do that just yet, but I want them to know I'm serious about getting them to stop their contact as it's inappropriate and intimidating.

I can't use my normal solicitor as they've just wound up their practice and retired and have no idea how to go about finding a new one to do this for me and I don't want to end up with a central London firm who will charge me the earth.

Has anyone done this and could they recommend who they used? Or are there other courses of action. I know that I can send one myself but part of the issue with this individual is that they don't seem to pay any attention to what I say so I need someone else to say it too.

OP posts:

Oldie2017 · 14/09/2017 14:21

The problem is that thje best thing to do psychologically with people like this is give them no attention at all. I had a client once who wanted to sue the person doing this kind of thing and yet that woudl have been the best thing to happen to the other person - a whole trial in court with the person they wanted attention from day in day out. My advice was ignore them completely.

What is the nature of the contact here and roughly by whom?

notanotherlasagne · 14/09/2017 14:25

I couldn't agree more - don't waste your time or money - they really are not worth the paper they are written on. If you're determined, any high street lawyer can do this for you... best to ignore or, if a serious matter of your safety and wellbeing, involve the police. I am sorry you're going through this.

Original poster

BeingHarassed · 14/09/2017 15:33

I've ignored for nearly 4 years now and they still keep coming at me. It's quite sporadic but they know not to contact me and continue to do so with inappropriate gifts on birthdays/Christmas and now letters and phone calls. Ignoring hasn't worked so I need a more formal response. I don't want to sue, or get the police involved I just want something formal in writing to them.

It's a family member who made a false allegation about me harassing them to the police (hence me not wanting to "stoop to their level") which really was false and isn't me trying to make myself look better. I just want them to leave me alone

OP posts:

Original poster

BeingHarassed · 14/09/2017 15:37

Oh, and I know they aren't worth the paper they're written on but I know that the person I am dealing with won't take me seriously on my own but will listen to a request like this.

OP posts:

LeninaCrowne · 14/09/2017 17:17

Why can't you go to the Police now and get it over with.

Original poster

BeingHarassed · 14/09/2017 17:46

Because I don't want to go to the police ever. I just want to send something formal to get them to take me seriously. They won't see that what they're doing is damaging me, and are aided and abetted by flying monkeys. I know them well and know that they would take a formal request from a solicitor far more seriously than they'll take me telling them anything.

OP posts:

gluteustothemaximus · 14/09/2017 17:52

I have similar problems, but have accepted it and continue to ignore.

An official letter will either a) get their backs up or b) make them happy they're getting to you.

Stuff they send goes straight in the bin. My mobile has changed. I don't read work emails from them. DH listens to answerphone messages and our landline is always on silent.

Ignoring them has the best impact, honestly.

Original poster

BeingHarassed · 14/09/2017 17:58

It really doesn't because they can't see that they're doing anything wrong. They aren't doing it to get a rise out of me, they're doing it because they think they have the right to do so. Others close to us aren't taking me seriously either (they have a role for me and don't let me be anything other than that in their eyes) so I need them to take it seriously too.

I have things sent from amazon so I open them before I know who they're from, and they call from other people's numbers etc. They know that I want them to leave me alone but they think I am wrong to want it. They are terrified of anything formal though so I know this will make them pay attention. Yes, it may blow things up in the short term but it will lead to long term peace. Nothing else has worked so far and I know the person I am dealing with.

I just want recommendations on process or a solicitor, not to be told I'm wrong. I've thought long and hard and exhausted all other options.

OP posts:

notanotherlasagne · 14/09/2017 19:04

Honestly it won't lead to long term peace - if they're that nasty they will simply get a solicitor to draft a letter back to you and on it goes.

But I would guess you will be looking at £100-£200 for a basic letter. Just be sure you're ready to pay for more correspondence and for things to escalate.

Easier said than done but totally ignoring is truly your best option (I know that's not what you want to hear). It sounds awful and I feel for you.

Original poster

BeingHarassed · 14/09/2017 19:16

They don't have two pennies to rub together so they won't instruct a solicitor in return. They also won't stop unless formally told to do so. They've never had to take responsibility for or even consider the implications of their behaviour and this will force it. Doing nothing has been my response for years and it goes on - because they don't get it. They will be scared by this and their escalation, if anything, will be to whinge to their friends or shout at other family members. It will give me peace as I will be listened to.

OP posts:

LaurieFairyCake · 14/09/2017 19:34

The person you're talking about would have to be massively unintelligent though I can't imagine anyone taking a solicitors letter seriously at all

My ex had his solicitor send dozens of fuckwitted letters - 'my client insists you don't contact his mother' 'my client wants to point out that you have no savings'

Who's daft enough not to ignore that crap?

Gingernaut · 14/09/2017 19:42

You hope. You're pinning a lot of hope in this magical letter.

Although I'm happy to be wrong, I don't think this will work.

It will be an expensive exercise in futility.

Original poster

BeingHarassed · 14/09/2017 19:45

Who would say when challenged about contacting me "but I only wanted to talk to you about " and "but I thought being would be ok with me contacting her" in spite of repeated being told and asked not to. They are an enormous fuckwit. They don't take me saying thing seriously as they think they know better. I need to get the point through their thick skull and a vaguely official looking letter (and them knowing I have spent money on it) is likely to have that effect.

I need it to stop, I don't need coping mechanisms like blocking their numbers (done that) or refusing deliveries (do that but they sneak through) - I need to find a way for them to listen. I know them very well and know that this is likely to work, and that ignoring hasn't to date.

OP posts:

Desmondo2016 · 14/09/2017 20:40

The absolute obvious thing to do is get the police to issue a PIN/Harassment Order (whatever your local force call it). There's absolutely no logic to you argument why you don't do that - and it's free! Your adamancy not to do this makes me feel something isn't quite adding up with your story.

Original poster

BeingHarassed · 14/09/2017 21:44

I don't want to do that because it's not something I think is worth police time and it's something they tried with me (there was no substance to the claim and nothing was issued). I don't want to do something that could affect their future employability etc, I just want to be left alone. I also feel that I would lose any sympathy for what they did to me if I did exactly the same thing (even though it's justified in my case). Moreover because it's a family member I know that involving the police would cause an enormous amount of hurt to other people I have in my life and I don't want to do that to people I care about.

I want to be able to take decisive action, as at the moment I feel totally powerless due to their repeated ignoring of my requests, in a way that they will listen to my wants, and be left to a quiet life. Involving the police would cause serious repercussions with other people which would prevent this quiet life. I need something that will be heard though, and my voice isn't enough.

OP posts:

NerdyBird · 15/09/2017 10:26

If you're confident of your assessment of the situation and you have the money, then I suggest that you look up some local firms online. Their websites will give you an idea of what sorts of things they normally deal in and may give initial consultation fees. You can see if they have reviews. Or you could join a local group on facebook and ask for recommendations.
Maybe you'll want to have consultations with a couple of them before you instruct anyone.

I hope you are right and the letter will work, but if not I think then the time would right to go to the police.

Original poster

BeingHarassed · 15/09/2017 10:53

I think I worked some of it out writing at the moment I feel totally powerless last night. It's the feeling of impotence that is driving me potty.

I agree that if it continues after I warn them off then it might be a case for the police, but it feels both a bit small fry for them to be dealing with and a bit low rent to go to the police about a family member not listening to you asking them to leave you alone. I wonder whether sending something myself saying in a totally unambiguous way that they need to not contact me and that I shall go to the police if they do again might help?

I just want them, and the other people who abet them in this, to listen and move on. I won't change my mind about them and won't be worn down/bullied/convinced to do so.

OP posts:

TishHope · 15/09/2017 11:08

So, you're in touch with some family members and although they know you want no contact from this person, they still help the person to contact you?

Perhaps you need to speak firmly to the other family members, or, think about NC with them, too.

Original poster

BeingHarassed · 15/09/2017 11:17

Tish I've done that but they're not very good at respecting my point. It's a very dysfunctional, enmeshed extended family and difficult to extricate myself from. I have spelled out in very simple terms that I don't want this person to contact me and then when it happens they deny knowing there's an issue/make out I am overreacting to their behaviour in the past. I am very low contact with the ones that meddle but don't wish to do anything to cause them upset because I still feel responsible for their feelings. I suspect you're right about the NC there too though, much as it saddens me.

I'm trying to break free from all of it and this person who I want to leave me alone is like a bulldozer - they won't stop until they get what they want, flattening everyone in their way. My being NC with them damages their perception of themselves as perfect and lovely. They won't stop until I toe the line and I won't do that because I have to keep myself safe from them.

OP posts:

OurMiracle1106 · 15/09/2017 12:07

Go to court and get an injunction would be my advice and if they breech it then I would be calling police.

emmyrose2000 · 16/09/2017 02:36

OP, I'm not in the UK, co can't offer any practical advice in terms of solicitors' names etc, but could the local courthouse help you? They may have a list of local solicitors who can help with your situation in writing a letter.

Good luck!

kittybiscuits · 16/09/2017 08:04

I would really encourage you to think through (you don't have to say anything here) about why the one way guaranteed to solve this (police/injunction) is something you have excluded as an option. You seem to be in some kind of bartering position, but it is very clear that the person you are dealing with is not going to respect your wishes and can only be made to do so by force.

BigBairyHollocks · 16/09/2017 08:19

OP I just want to say I know exactly the type of behaviour and subsequent denial from other family members yhY you mean.I was in a fairly similar situation at one point and wider family "didn't see the problem".its exhausting,infuriating and has a massive impact on your life.Unless they have been in the situation it can be impossible for others to understand.Do the letter,as others say it probably won't help,but at least you'll have done something rather than "accept" the fact this person is harassing you.

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 16/09/2017 08:21

I can't believe the replies you're getting.

If YOU feel it will help your situation then go and get the letter done. If it does carry on and you need to go to the police, then at least you have evidence that you have asked this to stop and the police should take you seriously.
We had a similar thing with an ex "friend", who we helped in a business capacity, He kept s musing letters which were full of thinly veiled threats. We ignored for about 6 months, didn't want to go to the police but got to the point that we couldn't ignore any more. We got our lawyer to send a letter. We never heard from the idiot again. So it can work!

We later found out he'd done exactly the same thing to other people over his 65 years. He's probably doing it to someone else now.

regularbutpanickingabit · 16/09/2017 08:39

It doesn't matter if other people think that is the cheapest or best way to deals with the situation, if you do then go for it. You've dealt with this the'right' way for 4 years and you know your own family.

My suggestion would be to look up local firms online. Give them a call or drop them an email and briefly explain what you want, asking for a quote. If you are not expecting to use them for anything more than the letter, then go for the cheapest. At this point, you are basically paying for the headed paper and the franked envelope. Right?

Along those lines... also worth googling up an online legal letter writing service.

Flip

1 2