Need some advice on DNA test. Do I go through with it????

[Anonmum29]

Hi all, I'm new on here and really need some advice.... sorry if the post is long.... in January 2015 I started a relationship with a guy he practically moved in with me after 2 days, we spilt for good end of March 2015, I soon discovered I was pregnant he then came back for 4 days and I told him I didn't want to be with him within 2 weeks he was with a new girl,anyway I've had my daughter she's nearly 21mths she has met her dad once at 3months old, he has never laid a penny never towards her. He has a new child which is 5months younger than my daughter, I have contacted CM purely do he can request a DNA test, he knows full well my child is his, but I've had nothing but abuse from his new gf, saying how he doesn't care he doesn't wanna know my child, I'm glad because he's a waste of space and my child doesn't need part time parents in her life, I've done my utmost best for her she's such a happy healthy perfect wee girl and our bond is like nothing else in this world, she wants for nothing, has all the latest clothes toys, I take her on holiday, I'm her mum, she knows who's been there, my question is which I've pondered over for nearly a year, do I go through with this DNA my head feels so messed up by it all, I just wanna do the right thing for my child's sake and get the truth for her regardless of wether she has contact with her dad, I for one know what it's like not knowing who my dad was. Part of me just wants the truth for her and the other part fills me with so much dread and anxiety, in case her dad would try to take her from me I'm just thinking crazy thoughts, like incase he tried to get on her birth certificate, or try to stop me taking her on holiday, or making up lies, stupid things but it fills me with anxiety, if he was anyway decent he would take me to court, but that would only meddle with his relationship lol, someone please give me advice I don't know how many times I have cried about this situation do I do what I think is right for my child or do I do the right thing, advice needed. Than you

I think you need to decide what you really want, and then to think what your daughter deserves to have.

If you don't want financial support , his name connected with your daughter or contact then ok, walk away and don't contact him or try to claim anything.

From your daughters point of view though there are two outstanding issues:

Him to acknowledge paternity.

Child support , which your child (not you) is entitled too.

I don't know your financial situation ATM, but it could change, and anyway since your ex seems a bit casual about impregnating women it would be a good thing IMO to remind him that fatherhood should imply financial responsibility even if he does not want to take on caring and parental responsibility.

The new girl friend putting in her two pennorth? Ignore!

Ps can you try to split posts up into paragraphs, it makes them easier to read.

Thank you, my financial situation is good, I've no worries with money, my daughter doesn't go without and has more than enough, I know it's not really about me, but more of what's best for my child, he hasn't wanted to know because I didn't want to be with him

So he's went and got a new girlfriend, fair enough, that's life I'm not interested in him, I'm more interested in raring my child than running about with men lol..

I just don't know what to do, I know in my heart my daughter deserves the truth especially when she is older then all the questions will come, I believe it's better to sort it now,

So she knows who her dad is and will know I done everything I could and got the truth for her.

Just a complicated situation I wish I wasn't in and I've been getting on with my life, i would love to just walk away and pretend I don't know him exactly what he's done, but for me that's for on my child.

That's not fair on my child, I meant

Do you know who her dad is? Without any doubts? (Sorry, not meant to be offensive)

Cause if you do, why do you need a DNA test? You can just tell DC who their father is.

If DNA test is done, and is positive, you have now handed parental rights , equal to yours in many respects, to someone you don't get on with.Think long and hard before doing that.

If he knows full well the child is his why would he do a paternity test? They cost a lot of money. Seems strange you want one.
Surely you will just tell her who her dad is when she's old enough? If you are 100% sure and he's not denying he's the father then a test doesn't need to be done.

Yes we where in a relationship he is 100% her dad, I have no doubts

Reason for DNA I contacted CMS not for the money as it's only £7 that wouldn't even buy a pack of nappies lol..

I contacted them on 5th July & they contacted him and he never responded to any letters or phone calls and then he rings them after the calculation was made. He requested the DNA god knows why.

Now your saying about parental rights it just shows how messed up our system is parental rights can be given to a parent with no responsibility whatsoever

I know if I go through with it that part scares me, incase he would try for contact, his family have said once the DNA is proven they want to see my child,he hadn't shown any interest in 2yrs,

I know I don't get in with him I barely know him but I just wanted the truth for my child but I'm having anxiety about the whole consequence of it if that makes sense

I only wanted it so it was on paper, and the proof was there.. hes the one denying my daughter.. I have no doubts, how can I tell my daughter that's her dad if he's saying he's not, it's messed up.

its up to him what he does. You tell your daughter he's the dad and that's that.
The cms will force him to pay if he refuses the paternity test anyway. He's probably just refusing because it's expensive and he knows he's the dad. I wouldn't worry about having it in writing your daughter won't want proof she will believe you.

I will tell my daughter who her dad is, but I know if the DNA is not done then when my girl is older and she wants to see her dad then he will say he's not her dad, that he had doubts, and I should of got the truth.

He said to cms he Denys paternity so they offered him a DNA which he is willing to take, and if I don't do it then they close the case, as if I care about £7, but her dad should be paying for her or providing, unfortunately he doesn't but she doesn't go without..

I just know how it will pan out il get the blame after raring my daughter for 18 years or so prob never have contact with her own dad and il be to blame, I either do it and hope he doesn't want contact and she knows the truth

Or I don't do it and get in with it....
it's going round and round in my head it's upsetting.

Personally I'd get the DNA test done so he can never deny his paternity to your daughter, so he can never plant ideas into her head that you slept with someone else etc.

Also although you do not need the money now I would definitely pursue it because no-one ever knows what the future will hold and you will be in a better position to proceed if it is all sorted now.

The ex and his new GF sounds despicable.

I'd pursue it, it's only £7 now but in the future it could be more and you never know what's going to happen.

They are disgusting, she's busy sending me how he is raring their daughter, I'm not bothered though,my little girl has me, all she needs and I'm a great mum to her,

I don't want him near my child he has been to jail self harm etc etc, although I never knew all this until it was too late, but I'm glad I got rid of him when I did..

She's too busy being jealous of my child stating how this fella doesn't wanna know my daughter, she's not his, that if his family have anything to do with me or my child this nutter will stop them seeing her child, etc etc

Jealousy written all over it.

It's just the fact of what he could do when he's proven to be the dad, I'm afraid if he would try for contact or something, maybe I need to put my fears aside for my daughters sake

Dö it. Not because you want the money, but because it will be irrefutable that he is DD's father and I presume he'd have to make an effort to get PR if he's not on the BC?

There's a situation in my extended family where a male relative's teenage GF got pregnant. They split up and she went on to have more children with other men, his contact was sporadic and the story changed to "not his baby" - which was complicated for the rest of his family and the baby Then years later there was talk of a DNA test which male relative refused to do but he stepped up, paid up and he and his child now have a good relationship. All would be rosy except his family don't have a relationship with his child after years of being told "not his" and even now aren't quite sure. If he'd had a DNA test earlier (or at all) then all the rolled eyes and sly comments would not still be ongoing.

Personally I wouldn't bother for £7 per week if you're doing ok.

I'd make it absolutely clear to my child who their dad is and that he was lovely when you first met (always give them something positive as its part of her too) but he decided he wasn't ready to be a father so thats why she doesn't have any contact with him. You dont need to tell her anything negative at all as she may see it as personal to her as she is half her dad.

It doesn't have to go the way you predicted and it won't be your fault as long as you keep your child happy about why you had a relationship with him in the first place . It will only become your fault and a dreadful mess if you tell her how awful her dad was and how you wish you never met him and he was useless etc

I wouldn't want to give him parental responsibility. If things change in the future and he feels he needs to make it up to you then deal with it at that point. Do you really want him dictating which school your child attends and him taking her at the weekends to stay with his current partner and child?

This isn't really about you. It's about your child. Your child has a right to know who their father is without any doubt.
Especially now when the question has come up. What does it say to your ex and by extension his irrelevant gf if , now you have the chance for irrefutable proof for your daughter - you choose not to have that proof . ?

As a bystander, I would read from that decision that you don't think he is the dad. So all in all you need to do it because NOT doing it sends completely the wrong message and your daughter deserves the truth.

If you read my previous replies, I've said it's not about me.

My daughter comes first. And I know she deserves the truth hence why I'm doing it, and I have no doubts whatsoever, this guy is making me look like a fool stating he's not her dad, when in reality he is.

I don't cheat whilst in a relationship and I was single 4yrs prior to meeting him.
He's my daughters dad wether he believes it or not and the truth will surface, it's not my fault he can't stand up and be a man, if I get a DNA which he has agreed to he can't deny my child, the whole reason I'm doing it for the truth.

In which case I apologise. I understood from your post that you weren't sure if you would go through with it . .. because your post is Titled " Need some advice on DNA test. Do I go through with it ????" I failed to realise that that meant you were going through with it and didn't require advice .

Yes the title is DNA TEST, do I go through with it???? I wanted other people's opinions and advice on the situation..

It's my daughters dad who doesn't think he is my child's dad, which is disgusting!! He practically lived with me for 11-12 weeks I never cheated... his reason is because he is with another girl.

My child shouldn't be denied the truth, when my child is older, for him to say oh I'm not your dad, your mum cheated etc etc making me out to be the mug, when all I've done is rare my daughter the last 21months on my own.

She is the most happiest beautiful little girl and deserves the truth... I've never doubted he's her dad... all I wanted was advice on the situation.... DNA Test, do I go through with it??????

I haven't decided to have it yet, hence why I came on looking advice..... sorry if you just don't understand or misread the post, even for me it's complicated!

I had contacted CMS for the sole fact her dad could ask for a DNA and that's exactly what he done, he denied my child,

He is denying my child!! Nothing I say can change his mind, I never once told him he wasn't the dad, that's his problem!!

I was asking do I go through with the test!!

I am not doubting you about him being the father but a man would be fool to blindly trust someone word all the proof you need is jeremy kyle show....

Haha worried mum, how insensitive of you.... Jeremy Kyle show, I don't think so!!! How rude! So a man has sex and is Ina relationship but denies his child purely because he's in a new relationship. Shame on him and shame on you..

I really don't understand what you want us to say ! Your post asks 'should I have a DNA test? ". I and other posters offer our opinions .
I for one say you should. Then you tell me and others to read your posts !
and add

. And I know she deserves the truth hence why I'm doing it

So you e decided to do it. For alll the right reasons. So what so you actually want in the way of answers

Sounds similar to my situation 10 years ago. The csa doing a DNA test does NOT give him perenal rights, or put him on birth certificate, but he could apply to the court. But that would cost him, how likely is he to do that?

Maybe i am cynical but i have known too many people to cheat in committed releantionships not to just trust peoples word. Even to the point of dna result still saying she had not cheated on my best friend but low and behold he was not the father (they were bith white but baby was mixed race hence why he insisted on a dna test) and she called him all the names under the sun because he would not support another mans child and a cheating ex...

Yeah I know some mums can say they are 100% the father, turns out they aren't. I never cheated he knows that. IMO i would be ashamed if I didn't know who the father of my child was. We where in a relationship and purely because he's in a new relationship he is denying my child, that's his problem.

A DNA test would of put his doubts to rest, I was not wanting to do it for him, but only for my child so he can never say he wasn't her father..

I'm not too sure if he would go to court to get on her birth certificate, he hasn't bothered in 2yrs purely because he has denied he, I doubt he would change or want to see her after it's proved he's her dad..

I'm her mum il look after her emotionally and financially, I wouldn't want him anywhere near my child.. he's had his chance, I have proof he's denied her, it shouldn't be down to me to settle his doubts...

As long as I look after my child I think that's all I'm bothered about....

Don't see what a DNA will do only put the truth out there.....