Physical restraint to enforce a court order

[snowflakesandstrawberries]

Just that really. DD 11 refused to go to contact - see previous thread.

DD was crying and screaming in school refusing to go to contact. She expressed her issues to the teachers who told her that she still had to go because of the court order. She left school "with" him but actually walked off with her mates.

He then followed her to the park and followed her and her mates around for three hours whilst I got repeated texts from various friends about his behaviour. He then decided it was time to leave and physically dragged her through the park. She resisted and he slapped her. He dug his nails into her skin. A man tried to intervene and was told not to. He then physically put her in a taxi.

I'm getting all sorts of phonecalls and texts from her mates and I don't know what to do.

It wasn't meant to be a criticism, it sounded like you had useful info x

Snowflake I remember your previous posts. Surely this must help your case of your DD not having to see this man? I know you said you can't afford lawyers fees but can you get free legal aid?

OMG - having read your previous thread I am appalled by his behaviour! Your poor DD!
I am not surprised that the police didn't return her to you after the safe guarding check - they have limited options available to them when a court order is in place (I have been in a similar position myself with my ex-h and DD) I filed an emergency hearing for the same day and a judge ordered that my DD be returned to me. Yes it costs but it is worth it if you can get an interim order especially for your DD.
Keep and record everything going forward, make a formal statement with the police which can then be provided even as evidence if you end up back in court which I would assume is likely at the minute.
Contact SS and explain and ask that they contact the school to obtain details of how he behaved there and ask the school to report the incident to SS
When is you DD due back to you?

I have been in this position many many times. He always says that nothing happens and I am doing it on purpose as I am hostile to contact. Then we return to court and I am warned about breaking the order. There is no way the guardian will consider stopping contact so if we return to court I will lose the children.

If you don't do anything though this will continue, do you want to go through the next 5-7 years with him behaving like this and hurting your DD??
I understand what you are saying but now more external people have seen how your DD is being treated it will show you are not being obstructive and your DD has the right to have her views heard.

OP you have a complex case with an extended history. You need to take legal advice rather than posting here and be encouraged to do things that could harm your case.

I'm not eligible for legal aid and I'm in too much debt to start paying for a solicitor again.

She's told her teacher her dad hurt her last night and then he lied to the police about it. Apparently she wrote it all down...

Have the friends got cameras on their mobile phones?

Im not familiar with your story sorry. Start a diary. Record what happened when, who you spoke to (get their name) and what the outcome was. Im shocked that there were 2 separate events and no action was taken.

OP you have a complex case with an extended history. You need to take legal advice rather than posting here and be encouraged to do things that could harm your case.

Absolutely

If she is 11 yrs old and refusing to go home with her parent - who as I understand iit, is under his care and responsibility at this time, I am confused as to what he should do. I know if my 11 yr old ignored me and went to the park , it would be a darn site less patient than waiting 3 hrs trailing around after her before manhandling her home.

What is he meant to do ? Ignore her and leave her in the park ? She is still at primary school isn't she ? In the same situation, what would you do if your child ran off and refused to come home after school - 'preferring' to hangout with her friends- she's 11 fgs but acting like 16 !.
Sounds a bit like she has been 'encouraged' to think she can do as she pleases with regard to contact and the court is having none of it.

If this is the case and you have been threatened with a change of residency, I would seriously have a word with your DD about her behaviour. She needs to talk to her teachers about her reasons for not wanting to go. They can contact SS on her behalf and appoint an advocate.
You need to be completely detached from any possibility that you have influenced or supported her behaviour regarding avoidance of contact.

My cousins daughter actually lost residency in what appears to be the exact same scenario. She needs to understand this can happen if she continues trying to thwart the courts decision.

kittens, those are very good points.

OP if the school has logged it they are obligated to inform SS. Kitten makes some very pertinent points re: your DD behaviour and the court system . Having found myself in similar circumstances, I would suggest that you contact Women's Aid for legal advice or the Coral Children's Centre. Children have no idea how their behaviour can be interpreted by others but if the assaults are a regular occurrence, I would make sure that SS capture this and inform the guardian if they are still acting. The info is coming directly from 3rd parties reporting him to police and your daughter reporting injuries to school. I really feel for you having to go through this with your hands tied by the family court and am angry on your behalf.

I can't be positive towards him to DD knowing what she goes through every week. However, I am very clear to her about the order and that we have to keep to it. But she's had enough.

I don't know what more I can do. Surely there is some onus on him changing his behaviour to be more encouraging, to not gloat at her that she has to do what he says until she is 16, to not be abusive? It's almost like he does it on purpose to make the order fail so he can gain residency.

If you believe that OP, then you MUST change your attitude and encourage your DD to change hers. From what you have said, you have made all the representations to the court that you possibly could. You have been heard and DD has been heard through her own advocate - and a judgement has been made. It is not a judgement you agree with, for all the reasons you have stated - nevertheless that judgement carries HUGE consequences for both you and DD if it's not adhered to.

This is no longer a situation that is 'optional'. It isn't going to go away. It is simply going to go one of three ways. 1. You comply with the order. This means TELLING DD go with her father. Explaining that if she doesn't , then there will be serious consequences to both of you. Install some discipline in the situation. Removing mobile, grounding, no wifi etc if she plays up. Real serious discipline .Parent her !
If you don't do this then the following 2 situations will become reality. The courts have absolutely no tolerance for RPs who flout child arrangement orders.
No. 2. As you are aware. The judge can (and will ) order a change of residency. One of the reasons for this is because you are 'not an effective parent'. An effective parent would ensure the child complied with the court order. 11 yrs old and still at primary is not an age to be allowed to do as you please. Allowing this renders you 'ineffective' in the eyes of the authorities.

1. The judge considers both parents 'ineffective' and child not being competently parented by either. He can make the child a 'ward of court' , Order an interim care order, all kinds of options to ensure the child is parented effectively. (His/her ONLY interest is the child's welfare)

There is no option 4. No option to ignore, complain or to otherwise not comply. This is serious .

All of that would be great kittens, if the daughter wasn't being abused during contact.

The OP has already made those representations to court and they have not been deemed serious enough to limit contact. This is why the OP needs legal advice from someone who can see the whole case. People trying to help by agreeing that the OP has some reasonable ground to be opposed to contact may well be doing her a big disservice as they are making suggestions based on a biased snippet of what's gone on.

I believe her.

Well that's nice. My point still stands and she could wind up in a much worse position if she doesn't get proper legal advice. It's no good blindly trotting out DV catchphrases in situations like this.

It's not a 'DV catchphrase' as you so delightfully put it. It's a rape and sexual violence 'catchphrase' if you must be so reductive.

Kitty its all very well that you - an anonymous voice on an intranet forum believe the OP. Sadly the Court, CAFCASS, the Court appointed guardian/advocate and all those who have full knowledge of the case disagree. (As stated by the OP - so assuming this must be accurate)

Most importantly there have been several important orders - no contact from mother to child on contact weekends- which clearly demonstrate how the court feels the RP is undermining court ordered contact.
I am not saying they can't all be wrong- but regardless of the rights and wrongs the way to deal with this is not, NOT to encourage, assist or in anyway allow (by omission or in actuality) the child to disobey the order. YOU WILL LOSE RESIDENCY.
DO NOT BELIEVE ANYTHING ELSE UNLESS SPECIFICALLY TOLD SO BY THE COURT.
I was a clerk in the family court for many years and still have colleagues active in this area. This happens.

I am not allowing it. He collects her from school when I am at work, he's the one that allows her to go elsewhere. She will soon be expected to catch two buses from school to his when my house is round the corner from school. But I will be in work - how can I enforce it?!

Just to add, any legal advice that I have afforded to dip into have always said that they have never seen a case quite so biased and are shocked by what has been believed and actioned.

Have you tried the Bar Pro Bono Unit for help?

You don't seem to be taking on board that there is no route through this that isn't a legal route. It's no good saying "I'm not there how can I enforce it" as if that's enough. It's not enough and the court won't see it as enough, ESPECIALLY if they already believe you condone and encourage her behaviour, either directly or indirectly through lack of punishment etc.