DD refusing contact

[snowflakesandstrawberries]

Long long long contact order case mainly due to DD 11 refusing to see abusive exh, both because of history and his current behaviour and environment.

For the last two contacts, DD has flatly refused to go, floating around at friends' and my house and ignoring his many abusive messages. He doesn't even know where she is, and hasn't asked to see if she is communicating with me. He hasn't asked me if I know where she is, or told me he doesn't know where she is. He just leaves hundreds of disgusting voicemails to her along the lines of "get back here now or else". He took DS back from contact to DM and said he didn't know where DD was.

I can't out myself by saying why, but I know he can't afford to take me back to court now (after a 4 year case).

• do I raise the issue that he doesn't know where she is, so as far as he is concerned, she is missing and he has done nothing at all about it?

• do I tell him where she is, effectively ensuring he will collect her and continue his abuse?

• how much trouble can I get into for not ensuring contact takes place, even though he isn't doing anything about it either? This kind of thing has been used against me in the past.

• should I be doing anything?

Apologies now as I will quite possibly drip feed, as this story has the most ridiculous background ever.

No one here has seen your court order. If it says that YOU mustn't contact her and that's it, then her or a parent texting you would seem to be ok. Similarly texting your ex would seem to be reasonable as long as it's not specifically not allowed. But you'd be better asking a solicitor who has actually read the order.

Or could you get them to change the contact order on the grounds that he is failing to keep her safe as she's out and about for two days at age 11 without him knowing where she is?

OP you need to take this to a lawyer who can read the order and advise.

I'd love to be able to give you a nice easy answer on here (I'm a family solicitor) but it just isn't possible without have read the case.

Good luck.

This thing about cafcass lodging a letter with the LA stating that any future abuse claims by you re the father would be false... Was this pre or post the awful Ellie Butler case? Because that seems somewhat relevant.

Pp are right though, you need proper legal advice, not that of Internet randoms. The situation sounds awful.

The final order was made just before the EB trial last year.

We have been back for enforcement on several occasions since then...for the children not being happy enough at contact, when he refused to give me details of holidays and yet expected me to be available without me knowing when to be available, when DD was unwell and needed a day off school when he was due to collect her, when I didn't provide school trousers, when I didn't collect the children from him a morning that school closed...the list goes on.

He instigated every return to court as enforcement and applications for residency. He's had them dancing around him for years. I seriously can't afford or cope to start the charade again.

Yes, do get legal advice, particularly given how vulnerable your dd is if you are never able to report abuse and be listened to. How can they not see that this leaves her very much at risk? What about reporting neglect?

If that fails, have him assassinated? (joking...)

Today I have had a call from school saying dad has called and there seems to be some confusion about who she is going home with tonight, please could I clarify?
I explained the court order but that she goes home with x to go to x event but then she gets a lift to his, as is always the plan.
Sounds like tonight may be fun...

Christ OP this is madness.

Is your DD strong enough to go to the NSPCC/police without you?

how did it go?