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Original poster

Recent separation, house his on deeds and 2 x mortgages-can I make him pay these mortgages AND get maintenance??

128 replies

Hotlips99 · 19/02/2016 15:54

Help!! My long term unmarried partner left me last year after 16 years together. We have two daughters (12 and 14) who are mainly resident with me (he has them 1 to 2 nights per week, is living in a house share with others) He inherited the house that I am still living in by his late father, with no mortgage outstanding at the time but during our 12 years there, he took two mortgages out (consolidation of debts, upgrading the house etc) and both home loans are in his name only. The house is also his and his alone on the deeds. Since leaving me, he has continued to pay both the mortgages (£625.00 pcm total) from his separate bank account but is now saying I should not be asking for child maintenance on top, which I want. I want £300 pcm to help me out with the girls. I work three days weekly part time, get WTC, CTC and CBen and effectively I live rent free. He is clear he wants the children to inherit the house and that I am in no danger of having to move out until both daughters come of age and decide what they want to do with the property. He is happy for me to live there rent free with him paying both the mortgages as long as I pay for the council tax and all the household bills. He says he can't afford to give me £300 pcm as well, as it would take £900 pcm out of his wage a month. He earns £26K gross per year? I am going to see a solicitor as I want that maintenance as well. I feel he should be paying HIS mortgages on HIS house anyway, is responsible for the roof over our heads, that I should not have to pay anything towards HIS mortgages on HIS house AND that HE should be giving me separate child maintenance too! Am I wrong? What is my position legally? Has anyone else gotten the all the mortgage paid AND maintenance on top? Thanks in advance.

OP posts:
BunnyTyler · 19/02/2016 21:29

Legally people get away with paying far, far less than what could be considered fair in a moral sense.

Fair in my mind is when the expectations you had as a couple with children are still met even when the other spouse decides it's time to bail out.

No children / children no longer dependant then clearly everyone should fend for themselves, but where children are involved is the bare legal minimum really thought of as 'fair'?

He isn't paying a mortgage - he inherited the house. He's paying off loans that he took out on his own (although by mortgaging he got a cheaper rate presumably).

The house is his, it's a massive asset - is it really that unreasonable to house your offspring for another 6 yrs as well as contributing to their upkeep?
Presumably he was quite happy with housing his children prior to walking out on their mother?

But agree that OP should just put up with what she's got or she'll just end up even worse off.

DontCareHowIWantItNow · 19/02/2016 21:38

The house is his, it's a massive asset - is it really that unreasonable to house your offspring for another 6 yrs as well as contributing to their upkeep?

Paying out nearly £1k a month to the OP would mean her ex would have less than £500 per month to feed himself, pay rent, pay bills, pay for the DC when he has them etc etc etc.

How on earth do you expect him to actually live?

caroldecker · 19/02/2016 21:39

If you want an extra £300 a month, then work full time. In about 6 years, you will have to rent your own place anyway, so I would save up if i were you.

fastdaytears · 19/02/2016 21:40

In about 6 years, you will have to rent your own place anyway, so I would save up if i were you

This is a very good point...

RudeElf · 19/02/2016 21:49

It sounds like OP has been looked after by this man financially throughout their relationship. (She says she didnt have to pay bills before despite working) So its understandable that she is a bit like a fish out of water having to pay her own bills.

However in your shoes OP i would not even attempt to rock that very comfortable boat you are in (suspect you will anyway) but instead get full time work and save like billio for the next 6/7 years so that when he calls time in your rent free living in his house you have a stack of cash saved up to put down as a deposit on a small flat/house for yourself. Or even as a cushion of savings if you have to rent. This will happen. You will be out of there some day and it is likely to coincide with the end of the working tax credits and child benefit you currently get. Which will be a big shock to the system, far bigger than what you are feeling now. Far better to get yourself in a position where it has no more effect than just having to move your stuff to a new place. The less dependant you are on him the far more secure you are.

Fourormore · 19/02/2016 21:56

Fair in my mind is when the expectations you had as a couple with children are still met even when the other spouse decides it's time to bail out.

But this is practically nonsense - you cannot run two, one income households to the same standards as one, two income household. That's a basically reality even in divorce, let alone an unmarried couple separating.

I cannot imagine any judge in the land ordering that a man earning £26k should house his ex partner for free, whether they had been married or not, whether they had children or not. It wouldn't happen. If they had have been married, perhaps she would have got half the equity but she still would have then had to buy her own house (which she'd probably struggle to get if half of her income was tax credits) and therefore pay a mortgage. If her ex was a high earner and she had little to no earning potential, then perhaps, but that isn't the situation here. In fact I bet if we work it out, the OP has a higher net income than the ex and this weird set up means that for two nights a week the children are staying in a house share!

fastdaytears · 19/02/2016 21:58

this weird set up means that for two nights a week the children are staying in a house share

It's hard to see how the ex can afford to live anywhere on what the OP thinks he should have

Fourormore · 19/02/2016 21:59

I agree, fastday. And the OP gets a lovely house 7 nights a week, for free. Yeah, I'd call that lucky.

Wombatinabathhat · 19/02/2016 22:10

You sound very grabby OP. Your dc are not small. Get yourself a full time job and be grateful for what you have

ILoveACornishPasty · 19/02/2016 22:28

You cannot, surely, be serious?!

BunnyTyler · 19/02/2016 22:39

*Be grateful for what you have
*
Yes OP.
You should be thankful for the fact that your partner of 16 years walked out in your relationship and children.
How dare you not be grateful.

Agree with what Rudelf said.
You need to start saving like buggery and try and get more working hours - 6 years will pass in the blink of an eye and you will lose out on all the income associated with the kids at that point.

Even though I disagree with all the posters calling you grabby, you do need to start future-proofing yourself now, before it's too late.

BunnyTyler · 19/02/2016 22:46

Paying out nearly £1k a month to the OP

He's not paying out nearly £1k a month to OP.
He's paying £625 per month to mortgage payments - payments on his house, which is the family home. An asset which belongs only to him and is increasing in value all the time.

He is paying nothing to the OP, he is providing a roof over his children's heads (and by default OPs head because she is the prime carer).

Fourormore · 19/02/2016 22:51

Which he has no legal obligation to do. Absolutely none. As the non resident parent he has no responsibility to pay a full mortgage for his ex and children to live in. He doesn't. That's why the state are paying the OP benefits.

As he is paying the full mortgage, he has a right to live there or at least receive rent from the OP.

You can harp all you like about morals or shoulds but this is the reality of the situation and if the OP doesn't understand that and persists with her request for £300 (which she could just go through the CMS for), she could find the house being sold from underneath her because her ex won't be able to afford the mortgage anymore.

Shutthatdoor · 19/02/2016 22:52

He's not paying out nearly £1k a month to OP.
He's paying £625 per month to mortgage payments - payments on his house, which is the family home. An asset which belongs only to him and is increasing in value all the time.

But OP isn't paying £600 that it would cost in rent.

Wombatinabathhat · 19/02/2016 22:55

You should be thankful for the fact that your partner of 16 years walked out in your relationship and children.

We don't know why he left and no one is obliged to stay with a dp if they don't want to

VimFuego101 · 19/02/2016 22:58

I agree with other posters. If you want him to call your bluff, kick you out and pay you 300 a month maintenance (but you'll have to pay market rent on a new place where the landlord may not be nearly as agreeable or concerned about uprooting you and your kids on a month's notice) then keep pursuing it and chasing him for more money.

Or you could let the current arrangement continue since you're better Financially that way, up your hours and save for when you will eventually need to move out of the house.

ILoveACornishPasty · 19/02/2016 23:02

The ins and outs and morals and legalities don't matter in the first instance. Look at what he earns. Look at what he already pays out. He can't afford £300 a month. Pursue him if you like but all that will happen is he will a) be forced to move in with you so he can afford to pay you b) have you move out so that he can put tenants in so that he can afford to pay you c) sell the house so that he can afford to pay you. Even if he has left because he is a serial shagger you can't alter his financial situation. He sounds to me like he's being thoroughly, thoroughly decent.

Krytonfactor · 19/02/2016 23:04

It's a huge advantage you can live rent free.

I have to pay my own rent ( which is more than my monthly part-time salary but made up with tax credits) and receive no maintenance. We do have a 50/50 shared residency though.

Chasingsquirrels · 20/02/2016 02:45

Would you get HB if you rented OP? If so then would it be a solution to rent formally from ex-P, claim HB and pay rent to him, and he then pays you CM out of the rent?

Cabrinha · 20/02/2016 06:21

How about instead of advising OP to look for another benefit (HB) you advise her to work full time instead of part time?

phequer · 20/02/2016 06:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

83mummypig · 20/02/2016 07:40

I think your ex is being very reasonable paying £600 a month. He is being generous. You need budgeting help if you are saying you need more. I get less than you and cope.

I think your anger for him leaving you is making you bitter - hence why you feel you deserve more than you are entitled. If you went for legal advice, they'd laugh at how unreasonable you are being!

Collaborate · 20/02/2016 08:46

OP - you can go to the CSA and get your £300. Next thing you know, he can't afford to pay the mortgages. The property is repossessed. On sale, if there's anything left, he gets it. You're out on your ear.

Do you really want that?

spanieleyes · 20/02/2016 08:54

The exP inherited a house that was mortgage free yet, in his 12 years with the OP has remortgaged to "consolidate debts and upgrade the house" which he is now continuing to pay. The OP may have benefited from the debt consolidation and house upgrade and is certainly continuing to benefit from the latter! If she doesn't like the fact that her ex (and children) will have the house in the long term, perhaps she should move out and let him have it back now!

Catphrase · 20/02/2016 09:00

You won't be able to get HB for renting from your ex. So you'll have to privately rent, that means £3000-£5000 up front for the move, not decorating your home, not planting plants in the garden, if your lucky enough to get a rolling contract after your 6 months you'll be living with 2 months notice hanging over you.possibly no pets for your kids (not even a rabbit).
The possibility of changing schools every few years as your priced out the area.

Honestly your bloody lucky he's able to give your kids stability. Don't rock that boat and ask for more he hasn't got.