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Original poster

Recent separation, house his on deeds and 2 x mortgages-can I make him pay these mortgages AND get maintenance??

128 replies

Hotlips99 · 19/02/2016 15:54

Help!! My long term unmarried partner left me last year after 16 years together. We have two daughters (12 and 14) who are mainly resident with me (he has them 1 to 2 nights per week, is living in a house share with others) He inherited the house that I am still living in by his late father, with no mortgage outstanding at the time but during our 12 years there, he took two mortgages out (consolidation of debts, upgrading the house etc) and both home loans are in his name only. The house is also his and his alone on the deeds. Since leaving me, he has continued to pay both the mortgages (£625.00 pcm total) from his separate bank account but is now saying I should not be asking for child maintenance on top, which I want. I want £300 pcm to help me out with the girls. I work three days weekly part time, get WTC, CTC and CBen and effectively I live rent free. He is clear he wants the children to inherit the house and that I am in no danger of having to move out until both daughters come of age and decide what they want to do with the property. He is happy for me to live there rent free with him paying both the mortgages as long as I pay for the council tax and all the household bills. He says he can't afford to give me £300 pcm as well, as it would take £900 pcm out of his wage a month. He earns £26K gross per year? I am going to see a solicitor as I want that maintenance as well. I feel he should be paying HIS mortgages on HIS house anyway, is responsible for the roof over our heads, that I should not have to pay anything towards HIS mortgages on HIS house AND that HE should be giving me separate child maintenance too! Am I wrong? What is my position legally? Has anyone else gotten the all the mortgage paid AND maintenance on top? Thanks in advance.

OP posts:
HarveySchlumpfenburger · 19/02/2016 19:07

But by paying the mortgages, not living in the property and allowing you to live there rent free, he is essentially paying the cost of housing his children.

Would you rather pay the £600-£700 in rent to him (or another landlord) and then get the £300 in maintenance. That might probably be the fairer option and the one you might end up with if you insist on chasing him for more money.

MissBattleaxe · 19/02/2016 19:10

Op- you still haven't told us the total you get in benefits on top of your £780 salary.

coffeeisnectar · 19/02/2016 19:12

Missbattleaxe - my partner works 40 hours a week on nmw and we get 200 a week in ctc and wtc. Op must be getting similar or more.

Seeyounearertime · 19/02/2016 19:14

jeez OP, if you really want to financially cripple the guy all he's going to do is sell the house or kick you and the girls out.

what do you expect him to do? give you endless cash, live on the streets, eat beans every meal whilst you live rent free in his house with an income of over £1200 a month? you must be mental.

RudeElf · 19/02/2016 19:15

Hes also presumably housing himself somewhere too? Ah a houseshare. So he is housing you and the children and himself. He's really only (morally imo) obliged to provide half of the DCs housing needs and none of yours.

HarveySchlumpfenburger · 19/02/2016 19:16

Is this actually a MN Bingo thread?

It's difficult to believe anybody rational can be this unreasonable.

coffeeisnectar · 19/02/2016 19:19

I did a rough estimate on a benefits calculator.

170 a week in tax credits plus cb so about 800 a month plus 780 wages.

If op can't live on that with no rent then she should nip over to a budgeting site. 400 a week even taking bills into account is adequate and probably more than most of us live on.

BunnyTyler · 19/02/2016 19:28

So a man chooses to leave his partner of 16 yrs and their 2 children.

He has loans (in his name, which he has taken out) and a house which he owns outright.

The left partner is responsible for the ongoing costs of living and paying for the children (all bills, council tax, rates etc as well as everything else).

The OP is asking for £300 pcm maintenance to provide for the children - presumably in a few years when the kids have left home her ex will move back into his house and she will have to house herself.

The ex is definitely in a win/win in the long term - the OP is only expecting him to continue to provide for his offspring for the few more years left until they are both left school.

I am Shock at how posters think she's grabby, quite frankly.

coffeeisnectar · 19/02/2016 19:32

Bunny the house will be going to the dc. The op would be worse off if she had to pay rent and if she keeps pushing for maintenance on top of a rent free house, she will find out. Because on 26k a year, asking for nearly 12k of that IS grabby. And her ex won't be able to afford it.

Seeyounearertime · 19/02/2016 19:38

OK Bunny, how about the man kick his ex and kids out?
the op can then rent somewhere for £650 PCM and the man can then move back into his house and pay her £300.
he's effectively saving himself money in the long run as he won't have to house share, he could even get a lodger, or even rent the house out and pay the OP from the proceeds.

sounds much better doesn't it? Confused

BunnyTyler · 19/02/2016 19:41

When will it go to them though? When he dies?

It's the not being married that makes it difficult, because then she could have had the 'free house' as spousal maintenance until the children are no longer dependant, as well as child maintenance.

Ex partner has made a very financially savvy decision to walk away hasn't he?
He now just has to pay £300 per month towards the upkeep of his kids.
The house belongs wholly to him and is entirely his asset, however this is dressed up.

JeremyZackHunt · 19/02/2016 19:54

Bunny he could equally have just turfed her out on to the street, continued to pay his mortgage and saved himself whatever he's paying in rent. If he's paying anything close to 300 pcm for a room in a shared house then he might as well move back. He could rent the house out or a room out and be far better off than he is currently.
This is the risk of being the junior financial partner in a relationship that isn't marriage or civil partnership. He bears no more legal responsibility to the OP than he would to a short term girlfriend who had a baby. This is exactly the situation Xenia warns against.

coffeeisnectar · 19/02/2016 20:00

Why should he pay spousal maintenance? He earns 26k a year, hardly a billionaire! The op works 3 days a week and the children are teenagers. She could easily increase her hours.

My dps ex pulled the spousal maintenance shit and got laughed at. She wanted £1500 a month to meet her standard of living when she already earned more than dp working part time than dp got working full time. Her costs for her and one child were £3.5k a month according to her form E. 850 on rent, the rest on fuck knows what but outlandish demand even so.

She was told to increase her hours or cut back on her spending by the judge.

Women like her, and the op, really don't give women a good name. I assume the op wanted her dc and I don't get this mentality that men should be burned at the monetary stake forever more for fathering those kids. And then pay the woman too. Why? Because they have a womb?

The ops living costs and those of her dc are met by the father. That's over 600 a month and its a secure home. Asking for another 300 is taking the piss.

donajimena · 19/02/2016 20:04

I'm on similar figures to you OP and I pay 400 towards my rent. You have the better deal I promise you.
If I had the deal you had I'd be skipping. My children won't inherit a house at the end of it either.

Fourormore · 19/02/2016 20:04

Spousal maintenance on £26k? When the OP gets at least £19k tax free working part time? Pull the other one.

If the ex wants, he has every right to move back in to the house that he owns.

DontCareHowIWantItNow · 19/02/2016 20:18

The left partner is responsible for the ongoing costs of living and paying for the children (all bills, council tax, rates etc as well as everything else).

No he hasn't. He pays for the roof over their and the OP head!

Shutthatdoor · 19/02/2016 20:20

It's the not being married that makes it difficult, because then she could have had the 'free house' as spousal maintenance until the children are no longer dependant, as well as child maintenance.

There is no way on earth on £26k gross she would get spousual maintenance!

BunnyTyler · 19/02/2016 20:25

Unsure what you mean dontcare, by 'left partner' I meant the one left behind (OP in this case).

Anyway, not really relevant because they weren't married and the house is solely in his name, but if they were divorcing he'd have to split assets 50/50 (ie house) and also pay maintenance.

The house is his.
It will be his in a few short years when the kids are no longer dependant.
He comes out of this far, far better than OP will long term.

honeysucklejasmine · 19/02/2016 20:34

It's true, Bunny, he does come out better in the long run. But he could come out even better right now if he wanted to. By kicking out OP and the kids, and paying her only £280 a month, as he is legally entitled to do.

No one is saying this is morally right. Or fair. But OP does need to appreciate it, or she could find herself far worse off with absolutely no legs to stand on.

This is exactly why marriage is important, legally. Even if it means bugger all to you, pop to a registry office in your lunch break, pay your fee and marry, before giving up a career or becoming financially dependent on someone. You don't have to tell anyone. You don't have to change your name. But for a very small price indeed, the legal benefits are HUGE.

BunnyTyler · 19/02/2016 20:42

I agree totally honey, sadly that's what a lot of people seem to do (kick her out and pay the bare minimum) - a marriage certificate is a huge deal when you have dependant children.

honeysucklejasmine · 19/02/2016 20:46

Absolutely. Everyone would like to think their partner would never screw them over, but sadly it's not the case.

Fourormore · 19/02/2016 20:57

He comes out of it far far better because he's the one paying the mortgage. The OP isn't paying a penny. The ex has no legal responsibility to provide for his children above the £299 owed for earning £26k a year and having the children overnight 1-2 nights a week.

Are there really cases where the husband earns £26k, the wife has £19k income and benefits and a court would order that the husband has to pay the entire mortgage AND let the wife live there until the children were 18?! I'd be very surprised. And that's even if they were married. And they're not. So he has absolutely no responsibility at all to house the OP.

Nottodaythankyouorever · 19/02/2016 21:00

The house belongs wholly to him and is entirely his asset, however this is dressed up.

HE inherited it.

It isn't a property that they bought whilst they were together.

The OP also benefited from it over the years to and continues to do so.

Legally he could evict her. He isn't.

DontCareHowIWantItNow · 19/02/2016 21:03

Unsure what you mean dontcare, by 'left partner' I meant the one left behind (OP in this case).

On this case the OP isn't paying all the bills. The biggest bill of all ie rent is basically being paid by the ex.

fastdaytears · 19/02/2016 21:08

I think there's a real risk her that expecting the ex to live on such a tiny amount of his take home pay will result in him saying that he'll pay child maintenance but not the mortgage.

I don't know why people are saying this isn't a good deal. The OP seems to have more to live on than a lot of people, and she didn't marry this guy so she's not going to be treated as if she did.