Where does my 16yr old son legally stand?

[kg80]

Hi I'm new here and really need some advice, I originally posted this in "Teenagers" but was advised to post here.

My ds is 16 and has just got his gcse results, he did really well (in my opinion) but unfortunately didn't get the C in English Language that he needed to stay on at his grammar school sixth form to do his A levels (he got a D), so after hours of searching/comparing our local Academy will take him, they can't give him all of his choices due to the D but they have given him 3 of the 4, a different one that he has chosen and are going to put him back through his English Language gcse. The problem I have is his dad has parental responsibility that he gained through taking me to court, at the same time I got a residency order and he got a contact order (but as far as I am aware these 2 expire when ds turned 16, but the parental responsibility stays in place till ds is 18), ds dad doesn't want ds to attend our local Academy as he feels that it is not that good and has said he needs to look in to ones that are in the area that he lives in regardless of whether they can offer him the courses he wants to do (we have looked at these and on the ofsted report they are either listed as inadequate or good, the local academy is listed as good). Ds has told me he doesn't want to go to the ones that are local to his dad as he knows his dad will try and persuade him that he should live with him and he doesn't want to do that.

Where does ds stand in legally making his own decision regarding his education? From my point of view he should be able to study what he wants to study at a place he is happy to study at, this is his future, not mine, I've had my chance to make my choices so has his dad, it is now our place to guide and advise, not dictate and manipulate.

Does his dad have a right to prevent ds from attending the sixth form of his choice?

If I signed the consent form to say ds can attend sixth form can I get in trouble legally for signing without his dad's permission? Even though in my eyes I am supporting ds and his wishes.

I'm so confused and don't know what to do, I have tried googling but none of the information is consistent, I only have a few days to get this sorted out and I want to do it right.

The school ds has chosen is an 8 minute car journey (about 12/15 minutes by bus) from home, the schools his dad has chosen are 30/45 minutes car journey (about an hour by bus) away from home but only 5 minutes away from his dads house. Regarding the ofsted, the school ds has chosen is listed as good but the ones his dad has chosen 2 are listed as requires improvement, one is listed as inadequate and the other is listed as good.

But yes, he can do all he wants to do at the school he wants to attend and they will put him through his english resit too, he was very happy when he visited it.

And yes, very difficult father and I don't want to do anything that could potentially make the situation even more worse then it already is!

I think you can sign and it would be your ex H's responsibility to go to court to prevent it. Presumably, until it was decided, your DS's choice would continue?

No, I don't have a choice, I have to get this done or ds will lose his place and then all hell would break loose anyway as I wouldn't be fulfilling my parental obligations, at least by ds applying he would have the placement he wants and all hell would still break loose...but I would have fulfilled my obligations as a parent and ds would have a placement studying his chosen subjects in a school that he had deemed the better choice for him. Ds has spoken to his dad about his choice and he was told to look at the other schools as they are more suitable. I have spoken to his dad and again he told me that the other schools have to be looked at as they were more suitable and he would place ds's choice of schools at the bottom of the list if he has to choose. I have not spoken to him since but he has texted ds to tell him to email the schools and to include him on the emails so that he knows they've been sent, as yet ds has not done this and I honestly don't think he will as he doesn't want to go to the other schools.

just apply to the school ds wants. If your xp wants to go to court he will have to go to stop/ overturn it and I can't see any court doing that for a 16 year old on a good course.

I would warn the academy though in case your ex tries to deregister him

Maybe he could email the other schools, as directed. He has been told to look at them - he looks, then rejects! In the meantime, support him to register with the one he wants.

Agree (not an expert) it's ds's decision, he applies where he wants and you sign what ds asks you to as it's his choice. Exp can take it to court if he wants to, but I can't see the court going against what a competent 16 year old has decided, or making him change schools as by the time it gets to court ds will have started where he wants. Even if ds had chosen the worst school in the area, court is still likely to affirm it's his decision.

It may be too that it's worth ds making this stand on this issue now, as exp is going to have to realise sooner or later that he can't control ds's life.

Both my children (DD 19 and DS 17) filled in and signed their own forms and attended interviews

as your son is 16 i doubt any court would force him to change schools to suit his father. Let your son sign with an initial for the first name . The school will assume it's the parents and will not be comparing signatures.

Go in tomorrow and finalise ds's plans and inform his father this has been done - ideally Ds informing him. His father is assuming far too much to be agreed with him.

If he kicks off ignore him and keep v much to 'ds has made his decisions they are his to make'

Maybe warn academy father might kick off but cannot over rule ds's choices and has the sane right/responsibilities as you.

If he decides to go to court he's a twat and it is incredibly unlikely they rule in his favour. They're much more likely to slap him down for acting not in ds's interests by causing him this stress.

Hugs to your Ds. I have a dad like this and he's still trying this crap even though I'm in my 30s. Calm and stating what's happening is the way to go and don't try and compromise. Let your Ds take the lead and support him in the background.

Good luck!

I'm a social worker so have a good understanding of young people's rights re decision making vs parental responsibility / parental decision making.

Your son is 16, and in the eyes of the law will have competency to make his own decisions in respect of where he is educated. In the eyes of the law his decision will over-rule that of his Father, (assuming that your DS's capacity for decision making is not compromised in some way e.g. significant learning disability.)

Thank you all for you replies, it has helped to put my mind at rest a lot, ds seems very adamant what school he wants to go to and so far he seems very confident in how he will inform his dad.

If your son was 15 his father could decide to attempt to waste a courts time with a specific issue order.
But, given that:
you have parental responsibility and only one signature is required,
your son is competent to select the school that he wishes to attend,
that school is closer to his residence
and both schools are rated 'good',
his application would fail.

However, as your son is 16 he cannot.

See the following sections of the Children Act below.
s.8(1)
s.2(7)
s.1(3)(a)
s.1(3)(c)
&
s.9(7)

www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/1989/41/contents

Go and sign your son up for the school he wants.

Then make him email the schools his father wants and copy his father in. Wait a few days, then he tells his father that he has weighed up his options and decided on the school he wants to attend. I might at least make dad think that his input has been listened to and he might be less likely to take it further. Then at least if he does try and take you to court, your DS can stand up and say that yes he did look at the schools his father wanted, but he chose the school he is at for x, y, z reasons. I can't imagine any court then decided to force him to attend another school.

mariefab.....thank you so much for that, i did try working my way through it but was just taking myself in circles, you've made it a lot easier and clearer for me, thank you.

MidniteScribbler, I've explained to ds that he still needs to email the other schools so that he can say "I've done it but....", as yet he is still adamant that he doesn't want to, but I did manage to convince him to contact childline yesterday so that he could get some unbiased information and so he could talk to someone if he wanted to.