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Legal matters

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Original poster

Dd in care will father get custody?

52 replies

katiec1991 · 08/04/2015 19:32

My partner had a knock on the door today to inform him his daughter had been taken into care. Now he hasn't seen her since a baby as the mother was quite honestly a nasty piece of work. So upto now has nothing to do with her. He is on her birth certificate. She's 4 now and quite frankly we're not too sure what to do....

Anyone know where he stands? What can he do? Will he get custody?

Thanks

OP posts:

Joyfulldeathsquad · 08/04/2015 19:35

If this was my partner - as a decent human being is be expecting him to pull his socks up and step up to the plate. Why hasn't he really been in touch ? Four years is a long time .

What else did the SS Say?

Cabbagesaregreen · 08/04/2015 19:35

What's he done so far? It could be the mother is able to do something to turn herself around so I wouldn't assume it's permanent

Heels99 · 08/04/2015 19:40

Don't assume it is permanent. He may be considered unsuitable anyway as shown no interest in her till now despite knowing mum is a nasty piece of work. Has he been paying child support?

Original poster

katiec1991 · 08/04/2015 19:41

Right I'm fully aware he could have done more in the four years... Far too much has happened to explain it all just looking for legal aspects of it at the moment.
As for SS he hasn't bbeen able to speak to them yet the man that was in contact with us was working as part of mediation group (not actually SS. He will step up hence why we want to find out about it.

OP posts:

LIZS · 08/04/2015 19:42

They won't foist her onto dp/you if that is the concern . However ss are obligated to explore and would encourage an alternative family setting if that might be suitable. Long term foster care is a last resort and not ideal. Poor little girl

Original poster

katiec1991 · 08/04/2015 19:44

No he doesn't pay child support as she would not do a DNA. Obviously the best outcome is she goes bback to her mum but if it meant she go into care permanently then he'd rather take her in (in time obviously)

OP posts:

Cabbagesaregreen · 08/04/2015 19:46

Poor kid. It sounds like it would be better for her if she's left in care and hopefully gets looked after by decent people.

LadySybilLikesSloeGin · 08/04/2015 19:46

He's named as the little girl's father on the birth certificate. He only needs a DNA test if he's disputing the fact that he's her father.

Original poster

katiec1991 · 08/04/2015 19:46

LIZS no that's not how I feel. I have two littluns myself and it's not a good situation we just want to make sure he's doing what he can.

OP posts:

LadySybilLikesSloeGin · 08/04/2015 19:48

4 years is a heck of a long time for him to do naff all, Katie. He's not even paid maintenance, as you've said. It's rather pathetic to be honest with you.

PonyoLovesHam · 08/04/2015 19:49

Sounds like the little girl would be better in the relative stability of foster care for now.

Original poster

katiec1991 · 08/04/2015 19:50

The problem is she is a drug user and at the time told him she was his then a while after she was born kept changing her mind. And of course she's not better off in care. We are decent people. Like I said looking for legal aspects at this time.

OP posts:

PonyoLovesHam · 08/04/2015 19:50

He could have been "doing what he can" for the last 4 years! Like trying to see her, paying maintenance.

If he wanted a DNA test why isn't he still wanting one now before trying to get custody?

PonyoLovesHam · 08/04/2015 19:51

She may well be better off in care, you're strangers to her just as foster carers would be?

gamerchick · 08/04/2015 19:51

So she's been taken from her mother but he would prefer she went back? She's probably better off where she is poor little bugger

LadySybilLikesSloeGin · 08/04/2015 19:52

So he left his child with a drug user, did nothing to support her and paid no maintenance

Original poster

katiec1991 · 08/04/2015 19:52

And also he was seeing her until she started to meSS about.

OP posts:

Cabbagesaregreen · 08/04/2015 19:53

It's about the child. Do you really think she should be placed with a father who's been unbothered for her whole life and been ok with his daughter being brought upp in conditions that led to this?

PonyoLovesHam · 08/04/2015 19:53

In foster care she will hopefully have a routine, regular meals and clean clothes and bedding. Which she may well have been lacking so far. So why uproot her from that to live with you?

LadySybilLikesSloeGin · 08/04/2015 19:54

You've said "he hasn't seen her since a baby". The child is 4. Even if the child's mum was 'messing about' there's ways that he could have maintained contact.

Cabbagesaregreen · 08/04/2015 19:54

It may be that the mother is able to turn things round and have her back.

bloodyteenagers · 08/04/2015 19:55

So it's only now hes bothered to get legal advice? Wow..

Original poster

katiec1991 · 08/04/2015 19:55

He does still want a dna and hoping SS will help with this.

Sorry it's not that he wants her to go back if in danger but in the long run its best if the mother sorted herself out as kids belong with there mummys.

OP posts:

BertieBotts · 08/04/2015 19:55

I don't know that that's fair. OP said it's best for the little girl if she can go back, which is true in most cases. We don't know (and perhaps they don't know) enough about the situation to say that she isn't better off going back to her mum. After all she's the only mum she'll ever have known.

OP my advice would be to keep in touch with SS as much as possible and let them know you're open to the idea of contact. (Well, your DH, but you as well.) And whether or not she stays in care it would be a good idea to keep that up. If she doesn't know her dad then I don't think SS are just going to pluck her from where she is and place her with you.

Original poster

katiec1991 · 08/04/2015 19:57

Has anyone got the legal aspects of the situation? Thanks

OP posts:

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