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Original poster

Dd in care will father get custody?

52 replies

katiec1991 · 08/04/2015 19:32

My partner had a knock on the door today to inform him his daughter had been taken into care. Now he hasn't seen her since a baby as the mother was quite honestly a nasty piece of work. So upto now has nothing to do with her. He is on her birth certificate. She's 4 now and quite frankly we're not too sure what to do....

Anyone know where he stands? What can he do? Will he get custody?

Thanks

OP posts:
twirlypoo · 08/04/2015 19:57

What would you / your partner like to achieve?

Is he thinking this is his opportunity to make contact and build a relationship? Is he horrified he has left his daughter to live with a drug user? Is he horrified his daughter is now in care?

If the answer to these is no, coupled with the fact he's had nothing to do with her for the last 4 years, then honestly, I would leave him. He's a waste of space and his poor little girl deserves better.

hesterton · 08/04/2015 19:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RabbitSaysWoof · 08/04/2015 19:58

He could have done more, but I can understand why he wouldn't want to give a drug user money for a child the woman said herself may not be he's. She sounds a bit Jeremy Kyle. Poor kid.

Springtimemama · 08/04/2015 19:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PonyoLovesHam · 08/04/2015 20:01

Why should social care help with a DNA test?! Confused

Legal aspect is that if he is wanting to apply for residency he should talk to social worker about this and would probably be advised to get a solicitor. He'll have to pay for this though and seeing as he won't fork out for DNA test I doubt he'll want to be paying for solicitor.

Songofsixpence · 08/04/2015 20:01

I'm no expert, but in my experience, children's services usually try to place children within their families and would do a viability assessment if he asks

He needs to contact her social worker

bloodyteenagers · 08/04/2015 20:02

I cannot understand how a parent can leave their child with an addict and do nothing.
No fighting for the child. No putting unpaid csa money into a savings account. No going to court to force a Dna test.. Nothing.
Buts ok coz the mother is a nasty piece of work.. A nasty piece of work who could have been doing fuck knows what to a child.

He should be ashamed of himself, and contacting ss to try and deal with this mess.. Not getting his partner to post about legal advice when none can actually be given without any of the facts...

hedgehogsdontbite · 08/04/2015 20:04

Why did he put his name on the birth certificate and why is he now talking about custody if he doesn't believe she's his daughter?

titchy · 08/04/2015 20:05

What legal advice do you want? If she's to be removed permanently and he is willing to have her I imagine SS will be keen to pursue that assuming he's not seen to be a risk. If he doesn't want her they won't. Or are you worried that SS will try and claim some maintenance?

mysteryfairy · 08/04/2015 20:07

I think people have been very harsh here. There are situations where it can be very difficult to maintain contact with a child. If this child can no longer live with her mother for whatever reason there are reasons why her birth father may be a better option than a foster carer. It would give the little girl a sense of identity and would mean she grew up knowing where she came from and that she wasn't unwanted or rejected by her family. I think if you genuinely want to be there for this 4 year old you should ignore all the sniping and contact social services who I think will explain the options and process.

Original poster
katiec1991 · 08/04/2015 20:10

Nothing to do with maintenance thanks. Just trying to gauge how social services will look upon it. Etc. Thank you for the few that have giving educated and informative posts :) we are contacting SS tomorrow as she was out of her office today.

OP posts:
madreloco · 08/04/2015 20:10

Legally social services will try to place with family, but its not a given that he would pass a suitability process. A total lack of regard for the child since she was born hardly puts him a good position to gain custody.

dalmatianmad · 08/04/2015 20:12

So he's had nothing to do with the poor mite for 4 years, paid no maintenance but wants to take her in now Hmm
Where was he when the poor thing needed him?

madreloco · 08/04/2015 20:16

It would give the little girl a sense of identity and would mean she grew up knowing where she came from and that she wasn't unwanted or rejected by her family.

By giving her to someone who didn't want her and did reject her? makes sense Hmm

Selks · 08/04/2015 20:18

Hi OP, if you can locate a poster on here called Spero, if he/she's still around, they will be able to describe the legal side of things to you.

Springtimemama · 08/04/2015 20:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SanityClause · 08/04/2015 20:23

Umm, I think this is when the poor thing needs him, dalmatian.

Sorry, OP, I've no idea of the legal aspects, but I think your DP needs to fight more to be involved, so that if his DD does go back to the mother, at any time, he will always be able to be a constant in her life, if her mother cannot be.

SanityClause · 08/04/2015 20:25

I saw Spero posting very recently. Maybe yesterday, even.

See if you can PM her, OP. That is an really good suggestion.

Original poster
katiec1991 · 08/04/2015 20:31

Have pmd her thanks

OP posts:
ajandjjmum · 08/04/2015 20:32

Poor kid.

Springtimemama · 08/04/2015 20:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MatildaV · 08/04/2015 20:51

I think you've had some very harsh comments here Katie. We don't know the full circumstances here and there could be many reasons why your partner hasn't had contact with his daughter. Depending on the mother's issues, and whether or not they can be resolved, I think Social Services will be trying to work towards returning the little girl to her mum. If this isn't possible, then obviously your partner is an alternative that they will be wanting to look in to. An assessment would need to be done, and he would obviously need to build a relationship with her before she could live with him. Placing her with family would definitely be seem as preferable to her spending a long period of time in foster care, or even being adopted, and there'd have to be clear reasons why your partner wouldn't be suitable if they took this option. Thankfully, in my experience, most social workers will not take the draconian view of many posters here who have declared that she is better off in care than with her father.

The best advice I can give your partner is to contact the social worker as soon as possible and let it be known that he wants to be involved in the process now - meetings, case conferences, etc. Get all the information and then decide what to do/what you think is best for his daughter. Good luck.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 08/04/2015 23:46

I agree with MatildaV. Your partner needs to think about what he can offer his daughter in both the short and long term. There is no point re establishing a relationship if he's not going to maintain it. Social services will try and return a child to their usual home if that's safe; is he going to be able to work with her mum and carry on seeing her?

Nanny13 · 09/04/2015 00:05

So has he been saving the child support over the last 4 years in a bank account for her, untill the moment the proof comes through that he is the dad?????

UrbanSunday · 09/04/2015 08:31

Hi OP. For what it is worth I think you have had some very harsh comments on here from people who have nothing more than a snap shot of the situation. I have assumed that you after a legal perspective rather than anything else.

Basically as your partner is on the birth certificate he has parental responsibility for the child. This is why he has been informed by social services of the situation. The first thing he has to do is get legal advice. If care proceedings have been issues or a pre application meeting has been called ( he would be given official notice of this) then he is entitled to legal aid irrespective of his income or assets. Child care solicitors are very issued to proceedings be issued quickly and can usually offer appointments at very short notice. If you can try and find someone who is on ' the children's panel' . You can find this out by doing a search with the law society.

What you need to think about as a family ( and be ruthlessly honest) is what you would like. If DNA is in dispute the court with order a test ( paid for by legal aid). If he is not the father his involvement will end.

If he is the father and he doesn't want anything to do with the child loving forward He is not legally obliged to. He can simply say that he will support whatever is in the best interests of the child and walk away from proceedings without any judgement or criticism.

If he decides he does want to be involved he will need to be fully committed. Whatever the future holds he owes to the child that if he starts to spend time with her then he doesn't plan to stop doing so at any time in the future.

It sounds as though his position if he were to get involved would be to support the child returning to mum if it was safe and appropriate to do so but offer himself as an alternative carer if it was not possible.

The child will have her own guardian appointed to look independently into what is in her best interests and this guardian will also have a lawyer.

As a family you have some big decisions ahead but the first port of call should be legal advice but please so this ASAP and as it will be free you don't have to worry about that side if it at least.

Lots of luck to you all.