Abusive father now has Lawyer - he wants Custody - Please Advise

[VVVVVworried]

I am sorry I have now posted this in 3 sections I don't mean to be a pain I was just unsure where to go for advice!!!

Here is my other posts and answers and I appreciate every single one of them, thank you SO MUCH!! He was even jealous of here, as Dads also use Mumsnet hence keylogger.....

Crap I forgot how to link to my thread! Argh! Will try work it out.

Where to start.... this may be long.

X left 2 year ago. Left for heroin addict. He is/was also heroin addict. He was abusive towards me, he also took steroids, I was in denial but then he hit my children, not just little smacks, hard vicious smacks. I visited solicitor, to see about having him removed from the house, I was also in counselling I told this lady about smacks she reported to Social Services, I was told to go to Social Services right away. I advised I was having him removed from home, they said as long as DC stayed with g/p whilst he was in the home it was fine, they did not record this meeting after a week he was left from the house.

HE begged, he pleaded, he was sorry, he had seen the light, he was suicidal without us, he did not want a divorce he loved me more than life itself, he was bad, he could see this it would never happen again. I took thefucker him back. sad I hate myself for this.

Move on 8/9 months he left for heroin addict. I had no clue she was a heroin addict but met someone (bizarrely) they stay in a different town, she knew heroin addict g/f, her DC were in care. No way were my DC going there.

He came here to visit, he had no interest in DC, he still wanted to control me and discuss how we could ever move on from this, I couldn't. This went on for 1 year, irregulalry, no routinie, he would just show up.

I decided I could no longer have him around me as he was still controlling me, she was texting me, she even texted me to tell me they had just "made love" for first time, this went for months, I changed sim in phone. He would call the house weekly with his regrets, I changed home phone number, he told me DC would detest me when they grew up I believed him, I bought a phone so he could call them.

I said he could see DC via Lawyer, his parents when they cared for DC for 1 night per month or my parents at the weekend, he chose not to. A few months ago he asked if he could see DC through his parents I said yes, he has seen them twice in 9 months for lunch, he has questioned them on these vists regarding who comes to house. He had/may still have someone watching the house, he knew who was coming/going and one of these people was an addict I have known since school, it took a few months but I finally snapped and advised addict he could never come to the house as it was causing me hassle at home.

Heroin addict g/f children are still in care due to something to do with him, she can see then unsupervised but if he is there it MUST be supervised.

I have a letter from a safegaurder, recived this week asking my opinion on his suitability to be around young children, I have a sheet of facts, nothing too bad as I am terrified of him, I also have the interdict detailing abuse with my DC and me but one part of it is wrong, it says The School reported to SS.

He called DC phone today to ask if I had received Lawyers letter. I have not. He laughed and said "no-one believes you, why would you take me back if the abuse was so bad" sad I don't know?? Because I am stupid stupid woman?

I think he is going for custody of my DC, I am very worried and anxious and upset. After he abused me and raped me and ran me over he would write a letter/card of apology, I kept all letters. They detail his drug abuse, they detail how sorry he for running me over, and will never hurt me again.

Does he have any kind of hope of taking my DC from me?

- thankfully brain still working will get some rest now and check back in tomorrow thank you all very very much

shameless bump!!!

I would also like to keep the porn situation out of it if possible as I know DC with be questionned and don't want DC going through that. Oh this is so confusing, I don't want to make him out to be nice as he clearly isn't but if I spill all it could make things worse, I think.

another bump before I go out. Would love to hear a legal person advice.

bump for a lawyer please before bed to attempt some sleep and dreams of lawyers and courts and strange people coming to question me.....

Hi OP, sorry no one's answered you yet, I think a lot of the usual lawyers are on holiday at the moment.

I think you must be in Scotland from your post, and I'm only qualified to advise in England and Wales, but the principles are broadly the same.

If you were in England and Wales, the procedure is that if the non resident parent (usually the father), is not happy aboiut the amount of contact he's getting, he applies to the county court for a defined contact order under the Children Act. The parents attend court in a relatively informal setting (sitting round a table) and they or their lawyers briefly explain to the judge what the dispute is about.

The judge then sends the parents out to talk to a CAFCASS officer (bit like a social worker) who will try to broker an agreement between them. Usually that fails, and assuming it does, everyone goes back in to see the judge, who makes a directions order. That usually includes directions that both parties file statements setting out their point of view and the CAFCASS officer meets with the parents, the children and any other relevant adult, eg teachers, social workers etc, and files a report.

The report will conclude with a recommendation as to what, in the CAFCASS officer's opinion, is in the best interests of the children. This procedure takes several months, and in your circumstances if you are concerned that the children will come to physical or emotional harm by seeing their father unsupervised, your solicitor will ask the judge to order that any contact takes place at a contact centre.

When the CAFCASS officer files her report, often one or other party will be pressured to accept it, as legal aid may be withdrawn if the conclusion is very biased one way or the other. So if the report recommends that your children have limited contact with their dad, and not residence ("custody" went out of the window over twenty years ago), then their father's solicitor is unlikely to get public funding to have an argument in court about it. If the conclusion is more wishy washy then there will be a full hearing in court (usually in private).

Obviously I only have what you say in your OP to go on, and your ex may come up with allegations against you which the court has to take seriously, but if he doesn't come up with any such allegations, then the chances of him getting residence of the children are nil in my opinion.

Just to repeat, Scottish procedure is different, but I would be extremely surprised if the principles in your circumstances are significantly different.

Good luck.

Thank you, yes he will find find something against me, I don't know what, maybe the valium? The weed I used to smoke or that undesirable did used to come around to the house, they were his undesirables though trying to help me after he left, I am rid of them all now. Thankfully.

Been speaking to lots of people todayI think our law is much the same as English just different names, i.e. Safegaurder is doing what your CAFCASS people do as SW cannot conitnue any further as they get no-where, their DC are still in care but unfortunatey it is isn't working out to the point SW have to be there on exchanges at school gates etc as g/f fights with care person who is a member of family.

To phone back police tomorrow re: panic alarm, council say I am now lower down the llist and this makes no different, WA said "how on earth do they come to that conclusion?" WA coming tomorrow to put safety something in place. Anything happens before hand 999.

My head is a mess. I dreamt this morning he was crossing things off my list saying "well thats not true" and "thats bullshit" in his voice. I have possibly cried for 4 hours now so should dry up/run out of tears sometime soon.

My eldest very sensible much loved DC whomI could hug to erm...hug tightly right now, thinks this tomorrow is good, so "he doesn't have to see/live with his Dad". Speaks volumes.

Lawyer on holiday.

No Lawyer letter from him yet.