Help!! Court action wondering??

[AMummyFromNotts]

Hi,
I have a 10 week old baby and i have given access to my ex partner(which he always had anyways ) he taking court actions against me i don't know what for really as he has access already:S and it regular contact
He constantly chaning his mind one minute he was going for fulll custody the next he going for PR i really confused however whatever he going for he said it won't take long during the time he had access, i just dismissed all his comments as i cba to have a battle.
I didn't put him on the birth certificate for a valid reason
I just wondering what do you lot think his next move is and how long does it all take ? Does he even have a case as after all he has access?
What the point in him having access to still want to take court actions?
I just don't understand what exactly he after .

Am I missing something here, he's upset and going to court because you moved and didn't tell him and also changed your phone number and didn't tell him, effectively blocking contact! And you wonder why he's going to court to get it all sorted, and I'm sure the agreement of 45 mins on a saturday in your presence will be agreed by the court when obviously he is doing nothing but threatening you why would you want him there? Has he been "allowed" any time with the baby without you there? no doubt making your feelings very clear.
Why can't he take the baby out for a couple of hours to his parents without you monitoring every move? And I'm hoping if you go into court with this wonderful attitude he get's everything he wants and more.
My DH is separated and got PR for his son, does it affect his day to day life, not at all, does it mean his mum and dad discuss like reasonable adults things that will affect DSS, yes it does and decisions are made by considering all of their feelings, which is how it should be.
If he is threatening you, you need to log it and get records kept and let the police know it's happening, if he's saying he wants custody, I can see why, you're making all the decisions (which some are very unreasonable) when it suits you and are expecting him to fall into what you want, by the sounds of it you will never get back together with him and you will have to deal with him for the rest of your life so you might as well make the best of it and work together unless you want to be in and out of the court system for a very long time.

Hi EllenandBump
Whilst I see your point, surely it's better to be able to say to an older child, I worked with your dad at every opportunity and he chose to not be around than to say sorry your dad isn't around because I refused to allow him to spend any time with you, oh and moved and didn't tell him where we went! Hmm, I'm not sure option two is leaving the OP coming out on top that well to be honest.

He obviously must have some form of contact with her, my ex knows (but wont once i move out mums) where i loive, but doesnt have my phone numnber for 1. He had sold my phone for drugs so when i got to mums i didnt actually have a phone and for 2. he would only be phoning me or sending abusive texts. If he will make a nuisance of himself then he has no right to now where she lives. She already said he has regular contact so why does he need to know her phone number or where she is living? My ex wont due to being physically and verbally abusive. x

Ok please ..
I went to a representative.
according to her i am doing the right thing.
He having contact with his dd obviously upto him if he takes it seriously or not. I arranged all the contact so if i was so keen for him not to be invovled i wouldn't of arranged it in the first place :S
By the looks of things my representative just said it all seems like threats to get his own way because if anything was going happen i would of heard ages ago.The whole process doesn't take that long anyways.
It a huge sum of money involved and i know personally he isn't that commited as he makes out and personally there literally no reasons for him to make an application because that just a total waste of money all he going get out of it is a order stating what will happen which to me is pointless when literally in time to come things will increase etc.

My representative also said he wouldn't get any more contact then what i giving already with her being so young
In the future the realtionship between us will change obviously abit rawr atm because all the thing that have been said etc
atm i think it best things are kept how are before we start taking big steps into other things. .

if he wants to than take it further than good luck at end of the day my representative completely agrees on the arrangments in place and thinks that perfectly fine for my child at this current age. All i want to do is now enjoy my time with my child and move on and any more threats made will just be brush over ..

We are both still very young atm i am only 20 he 21 .so you can imagine it just childish threats of him hoping i will crave in ..
Birth certificate issue just stays as it is for now until the future.

I CHANGED MY NUMBER BECAUSE HE WAS BEING ABSUSIVE ..
I WAS PLANNING ON MOVING ADDRESSES WHEN I WAS WITH HIM THAT NOTHING REALLY TO DO WITH PRVENTING HIM CONTACT .
BOTTOM LINE IS HE DOESN'T NEED MY NUMBER IN ORDER TO MAKE ARRANGEMENT TO SEE HIS CHILD HE DOESN'T NEED TO KNOW WHERE I LIVE TO SEE HIS CHILD EITHER .
HE HAD MY EMAIL .
I EMAILED HIM WEEKS BEFORE OFFERING TO SEE HIS CHILD :s

AT END OF THE DAY I GOT NOTHING TO EXPLAIN TO ANY1 OBVIOUSLY I BEEN TOLD I AM DOING THE RIGHT THING THAT ALL THATS MATTERS SO I DON'T CARE IF YOU DISAGREE OR NOT.
END OF DISCUSSION.

You are doing ABSOLUETLY the right thing an have my backing. I was told not to give over my son to dad or dad could just take him. He has had a solicitor write to me, and my solicitor has written back stating it will have to go through a contact centre, which will be fortnightly on a saturday as this is the only time my local one is open. My solicitor said this was reasonable and my LO is 18months old.He thought he would show as being a better parent as LO would have his own room. Cos that makes you a great parent, minus the drugs and alcohol and abusiveness! Nope it doesnt. Its been nearly two weeks and i have heard no more back. Oh well.

You are going to have a massive wake-up call love. Family court is not expensive. Your 'rep' is telling you what you want to hear so they can make money out of you!

Having a solicitor is expensive though and a solicitor going to court. I know my ex will probably take it to court but he doesnt really stand a great chance. He informed me that if i didnt agree to joint residency he would go for full residency and allow me no access...like that wil happen, he says of course it will you have pnd, not anymore, but you are still an abusive,alcholic druggie.

Ok right .
I am not bothered about contact ok
I am not bothered about my emotions.

100% he definately going get contact regardless what he said or done to me.
All i am bothered about is my child being safe, that the bottom line the reason he doesn't have my dd on his own because i cannot trust him with her thats why untill he can prove otherwise, he not willing to say ok look i prove to you i am capable of looking after her he just throwing his toys out with threats after threats which doesn't help.
If she hurt i am the one to blamed in anyone eyes.
He not willing to communicate properly he just thinks, i am the father so i have a right to take our dd without a word and come back when it pleases me basically and if she hurt o well i don't need to inform you because i am the father right ..
that his attitude towards this and that my problem

My ex told me he wanted full custory and when he got it will stop all my access which obviously is just ridculous ..
at the time i was weeing myself think OMG what am i going to do then i went to see someone and they just laugh like no way he get anything like that seriously thats stupid ..
I felt embrassed for even worrying about it

As it stands i haven't even had one letter never mind court actions..

My representative told me the fees upto around £2000 just to make an application to the courts that don't include represenatives fees either.
Also court are the last result it be first refer it to mediation then if that don't work it then taken to court which yet again it another separate fee.

also my ex wants courts invovled when it told the fact it going to mediation he not going like that he obviously assumed it just goes straight to court.
through mediation i will accept it and really i will come to an agreement it look stupid for him not to accept that why i reckon he just leave it

You don't need a solicitor to go to court and the papers can be filed with the help of the court official for £200 max. That's all it needs to cost.

Your child has two parents. You've given no reason why he needs to prove himself to anyone on any of your threads. He IS the father and an equal parent to you. Your child has TWO parents and is entitled to a relationship with both of them. You have no right to stop him having a relationship with his child and 45mins a week is not enough time to bond in anyones book. I pity your child if its mother cannot see what is best for it.

Honestly i don't know what your on about ??
Saturday is a good day for him he works so no other days are possible .
Secondly it not exactly set days if he wanted to see her more all he has to do is ask but he hasn't.so i assume he fine with that :S he hasn't made any attempt or asked for anything so how do i know what he wants .
Basically there isn't a set time the first meeting was 45min but it obviously didn't last exactly 45min it was just until my dd nodded off :S
There isn't a strict guideline like ok 45mins is up bye see you next week. obviously you got all this a little confused.

Also when i did make up the arrangement i asked him when and where ?when suitable more than less

He never gave me an answers i ask him repeatly aswell in the end i just said ok saturday blah blah time etc

so in my opinion this is a guy that is purpossly avoiding contact with his child just for something to say

Also i let me just add i told his mother he was free to see his child and that he always had access ..
He has just chose not to take advantage of it :S
and the only reason he came to see his child because he didn't really have a choice not to then?probably he would hope i wouldn't turn up so he could use it against me
i purely changed my number because i was recieving constant messages and threats .
also if this is a father that cares about his child i don't think he would make threat as such if the child doesn't go to my parents i won't be giving her christmas present :S
so who being punish me or her like i said to him it not me who going be playing with the toys isit.
this it the kinda person we deal with here he putting obstacles in his own way in order to make a scene that the bottom line.

Also when he did see his dd he was making dig such as well i leaving that present at my parents when we have her on weekends after i been courts ..
Wait one minute ??
what is it you want ? contact ? overnight stays ? PR? Full custory '??
I don't understand i completely confuse in what grounds does he have to go to court oon ?I have emails of him saying most of these ridculous
i been more than reasonable he hasn't made any attempt for anything so far, so it like what the hell are you going court for exactly!!!
how can someone take me to court when they put obstacles in there way and just made ridculous excuses
then according to him he trying pull out he isn't the father now because he isn't on the birth cert and stop maintanace which he paid on 2 weeks worth before doing so and refusing any funds towards the child because he not gtting his way cut a long story short

Also when he did see his child ..]
generally A DADDDY that cares about there child would ask how my child been ?
just ask generally questions regarding there child (oh no none of that)
it was me who was like yes she had her injections like a week ago then i went into how she didn't cry which he didn't seem to interest in so i just gave up etc just those little things make a different and show your love towards a child none of that instead he thought it would be better to sit there all snug talking about how he joined the gym and doing rugby and all that crap i don't wana hear nd how much it cost etc
HOLD ON RIGHT ..
you have money to join gyms or go court but you don't have money to buy your child some nappies or any clothes ? or even make a suggestion such as does my daughter need anything atm ?
No intentions of his child interests at all .
during this time it just felt like he came to update me on his personal life pretty much .

Tbh i came to the conclusion ..
The child isn't his problem i personally think it deeper than that he just using the child as an excuse probably to keep in some form of contact with me ?i don't know but i starting to think that anyways.
why is he so adamant he knows where i live?
why does he need my contact number ?
why is he asking personal questions ?
why did he follow me out the building after he spent time with his child?
why does he still have pictures of me on his phone ? thankfully he lost
why does he feel the need to tell me about his new years day out ?
Come on please seriously.

slate me all you like for my practises but i beginning to wonder isit even about his daughter ?

Your other threads say that 45mins is more than enough time and maybe when the child is older he can have her for longer, building up very slowly and maybe take her out for a few hours ice skating or to the cinema. You aren't treating him like a father. Most men have no clue, and if you aren't involved you wouldn't know to ask. YOU should be telling him.

I remmeber DHs ex saying similar when DH asked about the schoool nursery SD was being sent to. He asked what school and how she was getting on, the reply was 'you've never shown an interest in her education before' um, no, because she's never been to school before?

He'll never bond with her if he isn't allowed to spend time with your child on his own, he needs to learn to feed her and change her nappy, just like you did not so long ago. You expect him to instantly be able to do these things and prove himself to you, and yet you forget that a few short weeks ago you were as clueless as he was.

No it isn't exactly 45mins i just put that as i rough idea .
I told him 45mins but obviously it wasn't like ok 45min is up bye it just like until my daughter falls asleep which is reasonable i think.
That was just an error made obviously i want to keep it simple not go into the in's and out of everything as that just long.
They are just roughs ideas to see what people recommadations was but my representative told me i am roughly on the right track atm
The judge isn't going to favour him to well by the looks of things so far i have numberous attempt of getting in contact with him and prove of it.Not once does he have any proof of me refusing him access ,verbal conversation on the phone to his mother, written proof on fb's account emails the lot
obviously i don't want to look like i am over obessed ex or anything ok it may of been unreasonable i didnt put him on birth cert, however i justified to him why he doesn't have my number y he doesn't know my address all through a emails .
And there proof of me making the contact arrangements not even once he asked about seeing his child.i even had a general conversation hoping he would slide it in kinda thing he didn't so what the hell!!

I am prepared to meet him half way but he isn't prepared to meet me any way inbetween. I am a very reasonable person all it takes is a little communication off him if he isn't happy with what in place he should say instead making digs about court actions .All he got into his head is the fact he going court thats it regradless what in place even if it all within reasons because according to him for somewhat reasons he thinks he going get a 3 nights a week overnight stay of like a 2month child .although i know the courts love to keep a bond between child and father i don't think thye would go to as far as overnight stays all that introduce over a time frame that my point i trying get across. First of all he doesn't even have an address to take my child to 2. he living in shared acco how is that safe for any child
whilst i have a 3 bedroom house that can accomdate all my child needs atm in the future when his circumstances change then it may be a idea.
but right now i think the contact that in place is suitable for both parties all due to the circumstances .
Ok when we was together during the first couple of weeks he did things such as feed her etc whilst i left my child him his care first of all i kept back to my child being put in a seat undone and his response was she cannot move then she had a dent in her head which still remains until this day since then i promised myself i will not let any1 take care of my child but myself until she strong enough.

I dont know what the earth he done , but whatever he done it obviously didn't think to mention it. obviously at the time i went up the wall i just couldn't believe i left the child in his care for like 20mins just to prepare her bottles , i then came back to a child with a dent in her head and dumped in a baby rocker not securely put in.
And all his response was is she cannot move so don't matter does it which esclated into an argument because he was trying jusfied the fact nothing would of happened etc
That why i so against him having her on his own he does hold her and bond with her though just with me present,not like i leave her in the pram and just let him see her.

As you know babies are really floppy when they are born and literally you have to be careful how you handle them jesus when he hold the baby her head was completely like flopping everywhere it was like horror movie and also i just was recovering from the c-section so literally i was very limited to what i could do, one of those scenes where you cannot physically get to the situation quick enough the only means of stopping what happening is like screaming so i was like OMG hold her head please now quickly.just cringe at the thought if i didn't say anything there and then her head would probably no longer be intact.

So, like you said, you told him he can have 45mins a week, and that has to be supervised by you? I'm not surprised he's wanting to go to court to sort out what's reasonable tbh.

Your representative is paid for by you, they will of course agree with you. If you go to mediation, which you will have to prior to any court action, you will also have to pay, if you refuse mediation, you will look unreasonable in court. Bear in mind that mediation will not involve you saying that 45mins a week is reasonable, that's my final offer.

From what I can work out you've been apart from your partner about 8weeks, so it will take some time for him to work through the legal maze. If he has his own room in this shared acc then there's no reason he can't have her over night. She should be in your room until 6m anyway. And you say she is bottlefed so therefore there is no obstacle other than experience, which you won't allow him to get.

My neighbour has his 4m old daughter three days a week. Full days too, he's never lived with the childs mum, so I would imagine your ex would be able to have her a lot longer. How would you feel if he had your child and only allowed you 45mins a week, with no time alone with her?

PS he could also be described as being in 'shared acc' - he lives with his parents and sister ;)

Doesn't live with relatives ..
They are total strangers , i don't personally think they would grant him anything of the sort really ..You don't know who is coming in and out of that property i don't think the courts would risk that.
Probably longer time but the court wouldn't automatically say ok you can have the child like 3 nights a week all of a sudden, that a massive change for a child it has to be gradual for a child wheather he is or isn't the father.
The child best interest are at heart not what he wants and i want and that wouldn't be good for a child.
Not being funny but what sort of upbrining would she have sleeping beside her daddy in shared accom with random people, upto the age of like 12 hardly normal whilst he in bed with a new partner or something.Not healthly

And it isn't that long if he took any legal action i would of already recieved a letter within like 2 weeks
Yes i did pay her she gave me guidance obviously, i should increase and inform him about taking it a step further after like 6months with her being so young.

He cannot just go and take legal action without both sides being heard judges don't work like. At mediation both of our feelings will be considered in this if i don't agree on him having her on her own i personally think that would be taken into consideration and probably a call centre would be the only option in place which would allow him that contact without me being present for a while both parties would feel happy with that that the whole point of mediation meeting both parties inbetween.
Also i will be stating how i think he needs to take up parenting classes before he start taking my child anywhere which would obviously show me his commitment towards her and atleast my mind at rest.
So very much doubt the judge will think i was anywhere unreasonable any mother would probably react the same and there alot of women out that refuse all forms of contact. I haven't done nothing of the sort so it completely a different ball game.
Please note half of these mother probably agreed between there ex partners that such a long stay is suitable for them and there children.

I know fathers that spend thousands in court cases and was still granted like 1 night per every 4night to have there child and they put way more commitment in then my ex will ever do.This guy wasn't even allowed to see his child the judge still didn't see her as unreasonable by the looks of it.Oh yes let not forget all the miss court hearings and stuff inbetween that.
So to be frank i don't wana hear your banter about me being unreasonable because alot of mothers out there will show you what unreasonable is.