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Original poster

If something terrible happened to me, can I stop PIL taking care of DC?

77 replies

istheresomethingicando · 01/03/2011 14:41

Morbid I know but the thought of this is worrying me.

PIL have an abusive relationship themselves and I believe they abused DH as a child.

Is there anything I can do to legally prevent my PIL caring for my DC if anything happens to me?

I trust my DH to look after DC if I wasn't here but I know he would happily leave DC in there care.

He makes excuses for the things they've done and insists he was a naughty child and deserved it.

Is there anything I can do, just myself without involving DH, to ensure that if I die before DC turn 18 that they cannot be left in the care of PIL?

The only evidence I have of what they did is things they themselves have said happened and things DH has told me.

I can stop them being alone with DC while I'm around but I worry about what would happen if something terrible happens and I can't be there.

I can't tell DH about this. Is there anything I can do?

OP posts:
Resolution · 05/03/2011 13:51

Melvin - as you've pointedly refused to share you're experiences with child care social workers I shall assume that it's bad. Did you lose your children? Did your lack of engagement with social workers have anything to do with it?

Because if anyone follows your 'advice' that's what will end up happening to them - I can almost guarantee that.

melvinscomment · 05/03/2011 14:47

@ Resolution :- I haven't lost any children to child care social workers. I think one should minimise one's contact with social workers and politely refuse to allow them to enter one's home. Ditto for any other stste workers. Meeting state workers at their premises is OK, preferably accompanied by a friend or family member and preferably for as little time as possible. What things are there which state workers can't do at their premises and have to do in one's home?

Resolution · 05/03/2011 19:10

Which is why I know you haven't a clue what you're talking about.

Oh dear.

melvinscomment · 05/03/2011 23:00

@ Resolution et al :- So what are things one ought to invite state workers into one's home to do which can't be done in the state workers' premises?

Resolution · 05/03/2011 23:18

If you deny social workers access to your home they'll think you've something to hide. Conditions at home are sometimes cause for concern.

melvinscomment · 06/03/2011 00:30

@ Resolution :- Is that the best reason you can think of for letting state workers invade the privacy of one's home? You've got 20 years experience as a family lawyer. Why not have another go? So what are the things one ought to invite state workers into one's home to do which can't be done in the state workers' premises?

Resolution · 06/03/2011 01:42

You really have little understanding of the kind of poor parenting that leads the court to grant care orders. A SW can best get the feel of a family by visiting them at home.

SWs get tip offs from members of the public and from schools or the police. Say there is a police call out for domestic violence. The SW will want to see the house to check if the perpetrator still lives there.

Say there is suspected drug abuse. The SW will want to see the parents to see how they function,and whether there is drug paraphinalia lying around.

Say there is suspected neglect. The SW will need to check up on the home environment.

Don't you understand that these are all unannounced home visits? What would be the point of making an appointment? SWs duty is, above all else, to children who might be at risk.

If they are denied access to the home, they may choose to apply for an interim care order as that will give them parental responsibility.

You know, it really annoys me the number of people who post 'advice' here to the effect that parents should not cooperate with SWs. I don't care if it's well intentioned - it is wholly wrong, and can serve to undermine someone's relationship with SS thus leading to an increased likelihood that they will reject support offered by SS and plunge their family into damaging care proceedings.

You either have no experience of dealing with SS, in which case you don't know what you're talking about, or you are for some reason reluctant to tell everyone what your experience is.

melvinscomment · 06/03/2011 16:18

@ Resolution :- I am not suggesting that any parents refuse to cooperate with social services, but I am suggesting that they refuse them permission to enter their home whenever they arrive at the door unannounced. Your comment re applying for a care order for being refused admission is frankly complete rubbish. I am suggesting that the parent(s) say they will go and have a meeting with social services at their premises, very preferably accompanied by a friend or family member to observe what transpires. If the social workers want to look for drugs they need to arrive with the police with a search warrant, in which case they will be allowed admission to do that. I have yet to see you provide any good reason why a parent should volunteer to allow the state workers to invade the privacy of their home!!

Resolution · 06/03/2011 17:42

This isn't criminal proceedings we're talking about. It's care of children who are feared to be at risk.

What exactly do you do for a living Melvin?

melvinscomment · 06/03/2011 18:43

@ Resolution :- I didn't say I was talking about criminal proceedings. When I referred to the police I was effectively saying that if any social workers want to invade the privacy of eg a single mother's home, against her wishes, they need to bring the police with them with a warrant, obtained from a Magistrates' Court. They are not entitled to conduct a kit inspection at a parent's home against the parent's wishes! Anyway, if the parent follows my advice, he or she will be fully willing to cooperate with the state workers by meeting them at their premises. As described above.

Resolution · 06/03/2011 23:33

If a parent follows your foolish advice they are going to place themselves under the SS spotlight.

What qualifies you to dole out advice like this?

melvinscomment · 06/03/2011 23:54

@ Resolution :- The parents are already under the spotlight, which is why the state workers are knocking on the door. My advice is to refuse them permission to enter, unless they are with the police who have a valid warrant. Tell them to arrange any meeting they want to hold at their premises. Here is Child Protection Worker who is about to be refused permission to enter her potential victim's home :- www.youtube.com/watch?v=RrS2qzk8S10

Resolution · 07/03/2011 00:09

You're nothing more than a conspiracy theorist crank, happy to peddle scare stories to anyone who'll listen.

If you just look again at the OP, SW do not have this family under their radar.

I give up with you. You're just too sad to bother with.

melvinscomment · 07/03/2011 00:26

@ Resolution :- I have not mentioned any conspiracy, I have mentioned privacy and a parent's right to it. You should get a job working for the Council.

confuddledDOTcom · 07/03/2011 00:49

Been following this, Resolution, I totally agree with you. There are many reasons for people to visit not just drugs. HVs visit most parents and if you refuse them entry for a normal day to day visit because they don't have a warrant they're going to want to know why! My HV turns up because she's passing. If you only visit them at their work they're going to wonder why!

I'm a very independent person and hate having people in my house but this is something I've had to get past. MWs and HVs are going to come out.

You might not have said the word conspiracy but you're certainly talking like a conspiracy nut! Why do we always think that social services only take the children of good parents and leave the bad parents alone? I've never got my head around this issue!

melvinscomment · 07/03/2011 01:05

@ confuddledDOTcom :- If you are willing to allow the people you mention into your home that's up to you. As it happens you don't have to and can visit them at their premises if you want to. If any state worker knocks on my door they ain't coming in without a warrant.

melvinscomment · 07/03/2011 01:21

PS :- Just in case you were wondering. I haven't got anything to hide.

confuddledDOTcom · 07/03/2011 01:24

Yeah cause I'd drag my premature baby who's just been released back to the hospital three times a week Hmm why wouldn't I let them in? Their job is to make sure you're both OK, not to check up on you and if you refuse they will think something is up.

MadamDeathstare · 07/03/2011 01:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

melvinscomment · 07/03/2011 01:37

@ confuddledDOTcom :- "They" won't have any reason to think anything is up if the child is OK when seen at their premises. But what you decide to do is clearly up to you.

confuddledDOTcom · 07/03/2011 01:44

The magic "they" Hmm seriously this thread is like stepping into some surreal world!

melvinscomment · 07/03/2011 01:47

@ confuddledDOTcom :- If you check, I think you will find you were the person who mentioned they, I just put inverted commas round it!

Bubbaluv · 07/03/2011 01:56

Melvin, do you live in a heavily armed compound somewhere in Texas?

confuddledDOTcom · 07/03/2011 02:03

It was a rather random word to put quote marks on and seems to reflect your posts pretty well.

I'm pretty sure you can't just take babies into a neonatal unit, maybe you know something I don't? Confused

Bubbaluv, you got to wonder!

melvinscomment · 07/03/2011 09:58

@ Bubbaluv :- I live in England

@ confuddledDOTcom :- If it is necessary for you to allow the state workers to enter your home to check your child, then fair enough.

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