Father not paying maintenance, can courts force contact?

[SK1ER]

Hi,

My teenage son's father has never paid a regular and reasonable amount of chicld support.

We have never been married and I ended the relationship when our son was a toddler.

Last year my son's father said he was out of work and paid just £5 per month! I later found out from the CSA he had been in work.

Am I right to say he can't have contact because he's refused to pay?

I know my son has a right, and wants, to see his father but it worries me that he will learn this negative behaviour.

There is fine line developmentally at my son's age, between understanding something is wrong, and my son understands his dad's behaviour is wrong, but still learning by example.

'Cash for contact' seems a cruel term but if the roles were reversed and he was the parents with care and I asked for access while refusing to pay a reasonable amount I would expect him to tell me where to go.

Morally am I wrong?

And legally am I wrong?

Since being forced to pay by the CSA he's decided to apply to court for contact and parental responsibilities.

We're both funded by Legal Aid so I'm worried he has too much leeway.

his solicitor is a member of Resolution yet no offer of mediation has been made.

Court should be a final option not a first step shouldn't it?

mjovertherainbow: If my statements were factually incorrect then it is the services themselves who have not been open or clear with me, I have only repeated what they told me.

DS's dad HAD access.

HE chose to not contact DS since last summer.

Erm, how is that MY fault??

DS Does have a medical problem with regards to him not being able to avoid certain conditions in his dad's house:

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orthostatic_intolerance

I have tried to find every (safe) way for DS to have contact.

If DS's dad decides he won't correct the problem area's and refuse all other reasonable suggestions I cannot force him.

If a child attends a school where noserings are not allowed and goes into school wearing one they are asked to remove it, if the child refuses to do so and is excluded from school until such time as he does, he cannot go around complaining that he is being denied an education.

DS has always, all his life, been allowed to make his own decisions, he is not being controlled by me, that would be cruel and it would be unhealthy. He is a very intelligent teenager who is more than capable of making his own decisions, one of those is that he does not want this to go to court, neither do I, it is his dad who has lied on his application.

This isn't about contact for his dad it's him being angry because I (finally) involved the CSA as I could not support DS on £5 per month which is what DS's dad was paying, after over a decade of fighting for every penny I finally had enough.

Everybody involved in this case can see that but we won't have an opportunity to prove it until it goes to court but we (DS, myself and our family) do not want it to go to court.

I'm trying to do everything my DS is asking of me yet you are hostile and are saying I do not respect his intelligence or his wishes.

Are you male?

I have read this entire thread. I am female, and have been to court for contact and residence orders for completely different reasons. I am also RP.

What I see is the following:

You claim:

1. You are happy for your son to see his father.

1. That you are reluctant due to the state of exh's home.

1. That he has not paid anything but £5 a month for your son together.

1. That he has the money to travel to his girlfriends and party.

Point 1.

You have written that you are happy for your son and his father to have regular contact, yet when I read your posts I get the feeling that you don't really want them to. I know it is hard but you have to put your feelings aside and let them see each other.

Point 2.

I see your point about your son's illness. Instead of telling your exh/p that he MUST see your son outside of his home why don't you write to him, explaining clearly and concisely why you feel it more appropriate that your son and he see each other away from his home (Keep a copy of the letter). Ultimately it will be down to your son.

Point 3.

Should not be confused with contact, it is a separate issue that need's dealing with by the CSA no matter how long it takes.

Point 4.

This is clearly a flash point for you, and you need to block that. Whilst I understand your frustrations (and I do) you cannot let this affect you. Your son does not need to see you going off on one about this.

I have been in a similar situation for nearly ten years. My exh is an extremely volatile and violent man. Due to this we now only have contact via email or letter.

Your child together will one day see the situation for what it was and make his mind up accordingly. Please let him do that in his own time.

DS has always, all his life, been allowed to make his own decisions

It was your OP that was entirely about money and refusing contact.

Is your ex working?

How lovely of you to share all the details of the adult disagreement with your vulnerable 15 year old so he is fully informed when making these decisions that are (entirely co-incidentally) exactly what you, in fact, want.

And I'm not male either, although how that is relevant is beyond me.

Ishoos.

i get a fiver a month for each of the 4 i have with my ex......its actually very normal to get so little. and very normal for them to still have enough to go partying with.
you need to get over that one i think!!