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Original poster

I have been anti having more children but the last two weeks I have been sooo broody

35 replies

shouldwe · 12/12/2008 19:49

I have name changed mainly because I have been so inistent with RL friends that I dont want anymore and now my body is conspiring against me, I am 32 have 3 children the oldest in secondary the youngest starting primary nest year, so is it normal for me to be getting broody? I have loved getting little bits of my life and control back and now I just want to start all over again, dh would love more kids and now I have told him is dead keen to get in the saddle (no surprise) do you think I should give it some time to see if it is a phase or throw caution to the wind, I am usually very impetuous.

Against
would have to stop work
less freedom
kids activities would have to reduced
dh works away at least half the year

For
house is big enough
car is big enough
kids would love a sibling
i could breast feed again

Ok so if we take a vote say yay or nay, and I will whip the coil out tonight or bench it for a year, careful I really am that impetuous

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

storkycake · 12/12/2008 19:52

Go for it!

jabberwocky · 12/12/2008 19:53

I don't think you can really rationalize it too much - unless exreme extenuating circumstances. But otherwise it's just something you know in your heart, imo.

If I had to take a guess, I'd say you're going to go for it

WinkyWinkola · 12/12/2008 19:54

Yep. You want it. Go for it!

But can you whip your own coil out?

storkycake · 12/12/2008 19:55

Can you afford to give up work?

What freedom would you lose and is it recoverable in a few years?

Does you Dh currently work away or has he done so when your others have been little?

SleighGirl · 12/12/2008 19:56

the sleepless nights
the time it takes when you've got to get them in & out of the car
Finding activities that they will all want to do at the same time
The affect on your finances
It's hard work

you will of course enjoy it thoroughly but you will be shattered.

VivaLaPotPourri · 12/12/2008 19:58

yes yes yes yes yes

thisisyesterday · 12/12/2008 20:01

yes do it do it do it do it do it!!!!

psychohohohoho · 12/12/2008 20:03

ooooh...think of that scrummy-sticky-out-bum-stretch that they do.

and the milky-drunk-smiles.

and those pursed-lips-frowns.

you sooooooooooooooo need to whip that coil out!

Original poster

shouldwe · 12/12/2008 20:54

sorry broadband went down,

yes we could afford it, more so than when the others were little. In the last couple of years dh and I have taken time out to be together which was only possible because the kids were getting older, can now arrange sleepovers for all kids to go out. I enjoy my job and it gives me a little bit of glamour and travel that I wouldnt get again, time gettign in and out of thecar would be less as dd1 at secondary would be taking herself there and the other two would be a the same school 2 minutes down the road. Activities they all want to do is not possible, problem is dd1 is very good at a particular activity and does it 9 times a week that would put an end to that. DH didnt work away nearly as much when the others were little but worked very long hours ie 6am to 7pm.

OP posts:

jabberwocky · 13/12/2008 01:53

Do you know of anyone with a newborn that you could go visit?

cjjacarr · 13/12/2008 02:22

i am one of eleven children and i can honestly say that my mum should have stopped sooner although it is lovely to have so many siblings my mum was always sooooo tired running around after us she always had a baby and a toddler there is two year gaps between most of us i am 21 the youngest is now 14. i would say if you feel its right for you go for it just be careful not to tire yourself out because you will only end up resenting the kids my mum suffered with pnd after having me and had a really hard time coping as long as you have the support you should go for it x

Original poster

shouldwe · 13/12/2008 15:09

I have one friend with a newborn, who I see a lot, most of my friends had babies in the last two years and I didnt feel slightly broody, just relieved that I was so sure that part of my life was over, I dont know if I am kidding myself that I want another one and I should concentrate on raising the kids I have. I know there is no hurry to have more, so I should probably hang fire, but I am not very good at that I like to make a decision and start acting on it, has anyone had a really broody phase and then found it just went away?

OP posts:

thenewme · 13/12/2008 15:20

Please have another one. I wish I could.

mrsdisorganised · 13/12/2008 15:25

I have a friend who was very very broody for a long time, then it went away for about four months and came 'back so strong that she had to have another', so she did! Her youngest is now 5 and she's moved on without feeling the horrendous broodiness again....she convinced me that trying for no.5 is a good plan(not that I need alot of convincing)! Good luck with your decision although it sounds like you've made your mind up...

Original poster

shouldwe · 13/12/2008 16:29

does it sound like I have made up my mind? I feel completely indecided, I love my life and when I had no3 it was because I couldnt imagine my life without. I dont want to look back in 15 years time and regret not having a fourth, would I ?

OP posts:

ilovemydog · 13/12/2008 16:32

Read somewhere, and I can't remember where, that one never regrets having children; but regrets not having them....

I don't know if this is true or not

KatieDD · 13/12/2008 17:27

I'm in a similar position only having to have IVF as DH had the snip, but anyway the only thing slightly niggling at me is that if I have one with a 6 year age gap, then really I ought to have two, am seriously considering asking them to put two embryo's in.

Original poster

shouldwe · 13/12/2008 17:29

Well the prospect of twins did cross my mind,

OP posts:

KatieDD · 13/12/2008 17:36

My mum had twin boys and did not cope well but I do think things are different now and nurseries/nannies would be a big part of my coping mechanism and of course then you can work if you want to as well.
I keep telling myself and anyone else who says oh you're getting your life now now they are older, what was so great about my life before kids ? There's nothing that I can't do with them that I want to do.
We had just two for a while and went on a few £6k holidays which were an absolute waste of money, same shit different location and trying to put suncream on an octopus isn't fun, ditto hats etc.

Would your eldest have to stop her activity altogether or could a friend help her to maintain it, that would bother me too I think.

Original poster

shouldwe · 13/12/2008 18:00

exactly katiedd we did the expensive holidays and hated them, have camped for the last few years and loved it. My eldest is very good at a particular sport and is preparing to train at national level, she trains 7 days a week and above all else it gives her confidence that she sorely needs. My age gap would be at least 5 years but if I absolutely love it will I ever stop.

OP posts:

Poledra · 13/12/2008 18:07

Sorry, not here to help the OP with her dilemma, but to say......

Psycho, I might have known you'd be here going on about the sticky-out-bum-stretch thing - you realy miss that, don't you?

jabberwocky · 13/12/2008 18:41

the only real drawback that I can see is your dd1's activity. It sounds like this is something very important to her and would she resent you/new baby if she had to stop.

KatieDD · 13/12/2008 18:46

Can the baby really not come along too ?

My 3rd DD spent the first 9 months in her car seat being ferried around after DD1 and 2.

Original poster

shouldwe · 13/12/2008 19:52

Baby could thoretically come too, but her training involves early mornings and late evenings which is all fine and well but coupled with dh being away two/three weeks at a time, dd1 would no way resent a new baby she loves babies and younger kids and if she was given the choice a baby would come first, I am sure friends would help, the biggest block in mind is am I prepared to start all over again, and in reality when dc3 was born I had 1 at school and 1 at a nursery 7 miles away and things were much more demanding. Jesus I think I am talking myself into it, I honestly never thought I would see the day.

OP posts:

StephanieByng · 13/12/2008 19:53

I think the primary responsibility is to the children you already have. If they will not have their lives too much restricted by a baby now, then why not. But i would say you would need to think really hard about that and be sure you are coming up with how they really see it, and not how you see it on their behalf (because your hormones are influencing you alot, clearly). I'd also say that as your kids near teenage they actually need you more than they will let on and it's very easy to miss some of their angst, miss opportunities to really connect with them if you're all caught up in babies and booties etc. I also agree that if your eldest has her activity terribly curtailed that is not only affecting her potential but could be a big wedge between you. As I say I think the primary responsibility is to the ones who are already here.

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