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Original poster

Fed up when people (esp colleagues) moan about their 1 child keeping them up

54 replies

LongStory · 22/11/2008 23:20

I juggle a demanding professional job, 3 kids, a difficult pregnancy, and that's just the start of it. I try to build in lots of time with my kids, but also avoid letting people down and blowing out arrangements. Sleep is such a wonderful delight when it comes. I REALLY don't want to hear other mums (especially my staff) explaining why they can't make x event / meeting because their child has a cold or whatever.

And another thing, ... love my child-free friends to bits, but have a 3 strikes and you're out rule if they cancel at the last minute due to a crappy excuse - when I've booked the babysitter and jumped through hoops of fire to get out. Am I the only parent of a larger family who gets dead pi**ed off by this?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Lockets · 22/11/2008 23:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Dropdeadfred · 22/11/2008 23:25

if you miss out on sleep how can it be any worse if that was with three children, eight children or just one child?

hester · 22/11/2008 23:26

Um... [plucking up courage to respond as mother-of-one and finding you a bit scary] did you never complain about being tired when you only had one, LongStory?

I do understand what you're saying, but I think we all need to be a bit tolerant of other people's realities and their coping thresholds (which may be set much lower than yours). I'm never allowed to complain about being tired, ever, because my mum was a single parent of three with no support whatsoever. And SHE wasn't allowed to complain because her mother had 11 kids. And no doubt there were women around who thought my gran had it easy...

MeMySonAndI · 22/11/2008 23:33

As a tongue in cheek comment... do you realise how difficult it is to live your life in the never ending phase of the PFB???

Original poster

LongStory · 22/11/2008 23:33

Thank you, I do always try to be tolerant and understanding, which is why i can only let out on an anonymous board. Does anyone think I'm reasonable? But then again maybe Johnny's cold is just an excuse and the real reason is that I;m so scary!!

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Original poster

LongStory · 22/11/2008 23:37

MeMySonAndI: help what's a PFB? And might it solve all my many problems?

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Cashncarry · 22/11/2008 23:37

I think whether or not YABU depends very much on your circumstances. If "your staff" are consistently letting you down, could it be because you as a professional (and therefore better paid) can afford to have a support network which allows you to make such fail-safe arrangments? Or perhaps you have a more supportive family than they do when it comes to childcare?

As for your friends, I guess that's your call but I'm sure you can remember in your dim and distant past being a little more precious about your first than you perhaps are about your second third and soon to be fourth!

Original poster

LongStory · 22/11/2008 23:43

Good one; it's not very common with my staff, but what really gets to me is that if their child is ill it's always the mum who takes the day off; rarely the dad. We go more for equality in our house. It's just when I'm told that they were up at 3 in the night with a child so therefore can't come in the next day, and I'm thinking hell; I was up at 2 and at 4, and vomming at 6, but I'm still here. But then who's the mug!!! On childcare/support network, yes mine is good, BUT I pay a lot for it and so my pay post childcare is less than nearly everyone in my team.

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zazen · 22/11/2008 23:44

I have one child and my sister has five: lack of sleep affects us both in the same way. We are exhausted, after a sleepless night / year so I don't quite see the logic of your first complaint?

Your second complaint is a little more reasonable as I also hate being blown off by friends who just have to walk out the door - until I remember that they also have jobs, relationships to upkeep (maybe without the glue of kids it might be harder?) elderly parents to look out for and things get on top of them same as me.
It is frustrating to be blown off though that's for sure, esp as babysitters have to be paid hail or shine. Do your friends know you keep accurate score cards of their blow off performance Are you a Scorpio?

Original poster

LongStory · 22/11/2008 23:47

Very good!

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Cashncarry · 22/11/2008 23:49

I see your point regarding equality but do try to remember it's not always as simple as it seems. Their partner's job may be more shaky than their own and therefore they're less likely to be able to take days off. DH and I try to share equally but he's starting a new job next week so will have to be extra careful in the first few months about taking time off so he makes it through probation.

Re: less money after paying out childcare, I'm wondering why you and your partner don't consider that a shared expense given your comment on equality If you work it out that way, it may be that you have more disposable income than your staff!

Original poster

LongStory · 22/11/2008 23:52

Cashncarry: inconsistency well spotted, unfortuntaley if I worked it out that way we'd be nearly negative - and I'm not paid outrageously highly. I think it goes back to an earlier comment about coping thresholds which is very high for me usually, but clearly cracking tonight!

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MeMySonAndI · 22/11/2008 23:53

PFB=Precious first born

littlelamb · 22/11/2008 23:54

are you for real? WHy the competition? Would you like a medal?

edam · 22/11/2008 23:55

Of course you are paying more for childcare than other members of your team, you have three children. It's not their responsibility.

And agree with the comments that lack of sleep is lack of sleep, no matter how many or few children are causing it.

Mind you, I'm impressed your company allows people to take a day off if their kid has been up in the night. I'm freelance but in my last Proper Job, no way would I have given that excuse.

unknownrebelbang · 22/11/2008 23:55

I have three, and work p-t; DH works f-t shifts.

I have more flexibility in my job, although DH does have days off during the week. If he's on shift I usually have to take the time off.

Thankfully I've never had a problem (DC not ill a lot, and understanding bosses).

Will become more of an issue after next week when he's office-based, and there goes my main excuse for getting out of things - DH's shifts .

Cashncarry · 22/11/2008 23:57

Don't worry - my coping threshold is waaay offline at the moment! Should have mentioned am 39 wks on Monday and looking at the possibility that DH will not be around for the birth because he can't take leave at short notice...

plus DD (4 yr) has decided that only Mummy will do...

plus despite starting maternity leave last week, I spent three days in the office and have a pile of files to work on over the wkend

plus no family support

cue feeling sorry for myself and wondering what the hell everyone else is moaning for

Original poster

LongStory · 22/11/2008 23:58

Yes, a real person who tries to make the best of things in often difficult circumstances, always trying to be thoughtful of others, just letting rip a little anonymously. But you have a good point about competitiveness, another one of my many weak points.

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Original poster

LongStory · 23/11/2008 00:02

Cashncarry: you're entitled to a moan about that; cr*p if he can't take paternity leave. I am expecting "surprise" twins, if that helps explain my similarly negative posturing!

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CarrieCunningstunt · 23/11/2008 00:03

When it's your first child and they are very young then I think it is a shock to the system when they are ill and neither of you have slept.

I certainly remember it and I have 3 now. Also, lots of mums worry more with their first and tend to relax more with subsequent children. I think you are being quite hard on the newbie mums.

Cashncarry · 23/11/2008 00:03

Blimey - you win!!

EachPeachPearMum · 23/11/2008 00:05

Hey... 3 and then twins?
Wow- you will be Xenia No 2
congratulations btw, hope all goes well with the birth!

Original poster

LongStory · 23/11/2008 00:08

I really ought to crash now - and shouldn't induce my own sleep deprivation for the wrong reasons. Many thanks for all the comments and for reminding me of the babymoon days with "PFB"!!!

OP posts:

HappyandEiknowit · 23/11/2008 00:25

i have only one child and friends who have 2,3 and 4 children and im pretty sure sleep deprivation is not strictly conserved for them as my DD is quite capable of keeping me up all night as my friends 3 can do for her
it is not always the case that peoples DP/DH's help out by getting up in the night- mine sure as hell doesnt if he can help it i work full time and have a demanding job, i also have the privelege of all sick day duties as my job is seen as less important than my DH's (by him not me) and i have to make excuses etc to be there for my DD who is my priority above all else!
you should try to be more tolerant as just because you have support others may not have such a good support network! also how would you know what the salaries of other people in your company after their childcare is taken out?? just because yours seems less you might be considering what they take home before their childcare costs are taken off!! it is hard for any parent to work and juggle childcare and have a social life!! it is not just those with more kids that have the right to feel proud to be able to keep the balls in the air!
as for your 'three strikes and you are out' rule for your friends people have lives that dont necessarily revolve around their friends!! i understand how frustrating it is to be 'let down' by a friend who has no kids with them using some excuse but that is really not a problem i see as being important TBH i know that my friends have busy lives and whilst they might not have kids, i was childless at one point and the last thing i considered was how hard it was for people with kids. thats not a bad thing in any way it is a single carefree girl thing!!
lighten up i say and stop feeling put out by other peoples lives.
IMO YABU.

gigglewitch · 23/11/2008 00:29

the thing that annoyed me most was DH's two colleagues who insisted that their working shift patterns revolved around their 'family' - they had 1 child, home circumstances very similar to ours, except that we have 3 dc, at the time they were all under 5. They wanted him to cover all the late shifts plus christmas day and numerous sleep-in duties. Obv he left

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