Why do some people actively ignore group chats?

[TheDr46]

We have a family chat with 16 people in it.

the majority of people contribute according to their lives (ie - shift workers etc). We post the usual things like photos, check ins, arrangements etc. However my sister and her husband very rarely contribute. Even when you say Happy Birthday to one of their three children, they might respond or they might not. If someone arranges something, a picnic, a celebration etc - nothing. They then rarely come or if they do, they’ll just turn up or you have to ask them directly if they’re coming.

They rarely interact with any family events but do a lot with their friends. I have just presumed that they don’t want to and I respect that, but it leaves the rest of us feeling quite flat and rejected.

In most cases, they haven't asked to be added, they were just added by whoever set up the group. They don't want to be rude by removing themselves from the group but probably have it muted.

Two of my dc and two of their cousins rarely contribute to the wider family group other than wishing happy birthday. My dd contributes occasionally, usually a couple of holiday photos. The remaining cousin contributes regularly. I contribute a bit but do ignore some of the more nonsense posts from my siblings.

I love WA chats and have got loads of them. I'm very active in all of them. Some people aren't into it, fine.

I did laugh when someone upthread suggested it was 'performative' to wish someone happy birthday in a group chat though. Really 🙄. It's almost like a mild sense of snobbery running through this thread.

Nope. Plenty of people are in them out of obligation. For all sorts of reasons.

They probably have the chat muted as it is annoying and they have their own lives?

Interesting post. I have 30 cousins (apparently). I couldn't recognise most of them in a police line-up. Many of them don't even turn up for family funerals. (We're all at that sort of age.) We don't have a group chat. 😋

For people I actually know who have birthdays, I <wait for it> send a birthday card. Works for me.

The chat is on "mute" and I don't look at it. If I left it then the flying monkeys will be summoned and TBH I prefer a quiet life.

Group chats are a complete pain, and if your has 16 members, that’s way too much. I have one for me, DH and our two DDs. We generally use it just for making plans and organising things for us all.

I only reply if it is setting a date for a\ meet
Otherwise I just do not have the time or inclination to waste on a screen all night

We have a wider family group chat, I have many more cousins than anyone else I know. I am the poor relation. Most of the things the family post about have no relevance to me. Several are millionaires, not boasting its just a fact. Their political opinions are very different to mine. Their holidays are by private jet to their private yacht, mine are the 9.50 ones from the paper. I'm not jealous, though you probably won't believe that. We just have little in common. If something comes up that I can contribute to I do but apart from Merry Christmas this happens less than once a year.

Most group chats are inane. I don't want to see a picture of your latte thanks. Nor do I care what the cat is up to today. Muted.

A lot of people just don’t have the time and headspace. They are probably members of multiple WhatsApp groups. If they are working full time and have kids, there’s a limit to what they will want to do/be able to cope with on top of that. I imagine they prioritise anything to do with their kids, their work and close friends.

16 people posting random chats, photos, memes etc adds up to a lot of messages. I’d recommend messaging them directly outside of the general chat if there’s something like a direct invitation you particularly want them to see.

I’d ignore this group chat too.