Why do some people actively ignore group chats?

[TheDr46]

We have a family chat with 16 people in it.

the majority of people contribute according to their lives (ie - shift workers etc). We post the usual things like photos, check ins, arrangements etc. However my sister and her husband very rarely contribute. Even when you say Happy Birthday to one of their three children, they might respond or they might not. If someone arranges something, a picnic, a celebration etc - nothing. They then rarely come or if they do, they’ll just turn up or you have to ask them directly if they’re coming.

They rarely interact with any family events but do a lot with their friends. I have just presumed that they don’t want to and I respect that, but it leaves the rest of us feeling quite flat and rejected.

Not everyone asks to be added to group chats, a lot of the time people just add others to group chats and expect them to contribute

Because they have a life that does not revolve around looking at a phone?

Because they have no interest in sharing every detail of their life and want to maintain their privacy?

Because so many chats are just boring chatter?

Because they are not particularly close to their family members?

There are many good reasons and you should respect their choices.

I hate them.
The competition is so intense. Nobody wants a picture from our walk in the forest with the dog or painting art with the children. We work full time but can't afford all these expensive things a lot of people seem to enjoy. So we just mind our own business in these groups

Tbh I couldn't think of anything worse than a family group chat. I would find it suffocating to hear that people are that needy they rely on validation from replies to not feel down.

Some people aren't into it, everyone isn't the same.

I have just presumed that they don’t want to and I respect that

Good, there should be no problem then and no feeling 'quite flat and rejected'.

Some of us only contribute to chats when we have something to say.

And if you want to wish their kids a happy birthday, why are you saying it to the parents in a group chat, rather than to the kids themselves?

I'm also team 'anti group chat'. Have all WhatsApp notifications muted, group chats 'locked' and have my settings pinned so noone can add me to a group, they can only invite me. It's far better for my brain this way.

I don't understand sending a happy birthday to a child via a family WhatsApp group where the parents are the ones who have to read and respond either. I'm aware it happens, but does make me miss the age of the good old fashioned phone call. Or you know, actually hanging out!

"Because they have a life that does not revolve around looking at a phone?"

Yes and this too @Greenseawitch

Group chats are the work of the devil. I mute all the ones I have been guilt tripped into joining am part of.

They either prefer to give their energy to friendship groups, or maybe they are reclusive and introverted. Its their choice, and there is no point in you taking it personally. Its very likely not at all personal. But even if it is, you cant please all the people all the time, get on and live your life and dont worry about what others do and dont do. This is you harming yourself, not them harming you, they can live their life as they see fit, as can you, we all have that freedom.

We have a family chat. I never check it. It's not deliberate, it's just tye fact I never use WhatsApp so not something I think to look at. I maybe remember once every few months and takeca look. Don't take it personally, some people just don't use these apps as much as others.

I hate WhatsApp groups. I’m in so many of them, so between them all, I get a WhatsApp every ten mins or so. I have absolutely no interest whatsoever if it’s Aunt Martha’s birthday and thirty times in the day another person wishes her happy birthday. WhatsApp is so intrusive, with a time frame you must respond in. I much prefer photos of people I like to go on Facebook. Then I get to choose in my own time, and it could be one month later, when I get to look at them. If I’m super busy in a day, and my photo pings with my niece on a trampoline, that isn’t positive thoughts going through my brain. But that same photo would bring me joy if I was on my sofa, in my downtime, at a time of my choosing, looking at it.

It isn’t a priority to them.

What makes you think they asked? I never asked to be on my family group chat yet there I am. I also have no interest in it and have never contributed as there are 2 people I'm NC with on it.

Your posts suggest the main reason why they don’t interact. Your sense of entitlement that everyone should think like you do would be a massive red flag for me. Based on what you’ve written I’d mute the chat and never respond. This forced involvement in extended family minutiae is my idea of hell.

OP, we are all very different and the non-engaging family members just might direct their energies elsewhere. I don't think you can infer arrogance from that. Their lack of conformity to your expectations of suitable group chat behaviour has offended you, and I am sorry for that. I am sure that isn't their intention. You sound like you have an idea about how you should behave in both a group chat and in a family, and it isn't one they share.

If you have lots of group chats or a limited enthusiasm for them, or have muted them, it can be hard to keep up and for some people, the motivation isn't there. Are they social in other directions or just fairly self-contained?

I think the older and busier you get, the more you continue to spend time with people who match your energy with meet ups and group chats. You can't force these things. But I think it is pointless resenting someone for doing communion and companionship differently to you and just leads to bad feelings that they will be largely unaware of and possibly baffled by if they realise you're not happy with them.

If I am honest, I like some group chats more than others and some make me groan when a message pops up. For me, it's linked to obligation. If I know it means I'll have to do something or it's a reposting of something from the internet, I will admit to my heart sinking. If it's an invite to dinner with people I enjoy hanging out with, very different.

Because they’re probably sick of the alerts and have muted it.

The real question should be ‘why do some people think that every facet of their lives needs to be broadcast to everyone in their family within hours of it happening’

I mute the larger family one. People post crap. Tik toks and absolute boring updates. It isn't being rude it is prioritising my time.

Have more to do.

I have all group chats muted, it's the first thing I do if I'm added to one.
Very rarely participate in any, I find them boring and I'm not particularly interested in any of the people in them. If I was, I would message them separately.

I tend to leave them as soon as I'm added, unless they have a specific purpose like organising a night out.

I don't like big conversations with lots of people in real life, I'd rather one on one or a small group, and that extends to things like whatsapp as well

Im in lots of group chats only one I respond to are the one of my mum & brother and it's usually just videos of random wildlife in their garden. I don't talk in my in laws chat group at all.

Group chats get on my nerves and I tend to just ignore, or mute them.

i am in 2 group chats willingly. I leave every other one people try to add me to. Becuase - nope.