Room Sharing

[xTinkerbell]

Currently debating #5. I’m unsure though for a few reasons one being room sharing.

We currently have 4 BGBB aged all 2 years apart and with their own rooms. All going to plan if we had a 5th it would be 2 year gap again.

However, we are out of bedrooms and space to extend etc. so 2 kids would need to share. If baby 5 was a boy then 4&5 would share. If it was a girl then 3&4 would share. Ultimately this would need to be until someone moved out so given the current economic situation we could be looking well into adulthood but obviously who knows what our kids will decide to do.

I just worry that sharing will be detrimental and may lead to feelings of resentment for not having their own privacy and space especially with regards to bringing friends over, having relationships etc. and may push them to move out sooner.

We do have a little space off our kitchen diner with sofa bed, tv etc and thinking when they are older and we don’t need the garden toys we could build a summer house that could be used by the kids for a bit of space for etc

but thinking maybe we should stop while we have bedrooms for them all.

Please no comments about time/money etc for them all. We have that covered

Children have shared rooms for as long as there have been children. If you’re worried about resentment you could have two boys/two girls both share (depending on the sex of your 5th) and use the “spare” room as a play room/games room/quiet study for all of them.

Can the 2 sharing have the biggest room? A shared big room has the same floor space per child as a box room and can be more fun for the kids.

I was well into my 20s before I had a bedroom to myself, then I bought a house with my BF. I've probably spent around 3 years in total without having to share a bedroom with someone. I even had to share a single bed with a younger sister for a while!

The number of bedrooms wouldn't stop me having another child if I wanted one.

@parietal yeah the 2 sharing would definitely have the biggest room. We’d shuffle them round for that and it’s a good size room

Yes kids cope with it if they have to but I think particularly in a big family, having no private space of your own is a bit miserable as a teenager.

Yes I agree with the this. It’s a different situation to having 2 DC that share, with other space in the house to go to. You’ll have 5 DCs there up to and possibly in to adulthood, that’s a lot in one house so if 2 have to share where will there space be to get away by themselves? I’d stick at 4 whilst you all have a decent set up with space and rooms.

I have 10 children. Still 8 living at home. We live on a bit if of property and 2 of my older kids live in a caravan (their choice, they wanted independence and somewhere to stay if they cant move out when they are older, we offered to build more rooms.) they are 16 and 17 but honestly still spend most of their time in the house. My 18yr old and 15yr old have their own room, my 11 and 10yr old share a room and my 2 and 4yr old share a room. Though we will be eventually building another room for the 4yr old as he is a boy and cant share with the 2yr old once they become older but they dont even sleep in their room, they still sleep with us. But all my kids have shared rooms over the years. they have their own spaces in their rooms and we allow them to have creativity in their areas. Most of my kids are grown now and they do not resent me and their dad for sharing rooms. They actually enjoyed their childhood and the fun they had with their siblings. Of course at the time of sharing there were some fights and arguments but thats apart of growing up with siblings. Kids have shared room for many many centuries. Its not an end all if kids have to share rooms.

I definitely wanted and had a room for all of mine

Agree with others. Sharing is fun as younger children but more challenging as teenagers. But I don't think it's a reason not to have another baby if you want one. Siblings have shared forever.

Separately, how is 4 working out? I have 3 with similar gaps and currently debating a fourth (and final).

My dd's were 17 and 18 before they had their own rooms. Never had any issues..

@Cat3rpillar7 4 is great! I find it easier than 3 strangely enough. I was adamant our 4th would be our last but have a very strong urge for one more 🤦🏼‍♀️

Happy to answer any questions you have about 4

Why on earth would you have another if you dont have space for a room each? I don’t get that at all. Will any child with their own room really want to share later to accommodate? Some kids really need their own rooms, and all need their own space as they get older (imo). Up to you obvs, but it sounds totally selfish to have another.

Why do you think it's easier? It's the possibility of increased chaos that puts me off! I was one of four and we had a whale of a time but some things were pretty disorganised as kids. Do you work as well? My third is 8 months so thinking of trying in the summer to keep roughly 2 yr gap. If I have a fourth, it would definitely be a final baby. If I had unlimited time and money, I'm not sure I'd ever stop so need to draw the line somewhere😅

Going back to your original question, we have five bedrooms so a fourth would fill the house. My in laws are a good drive away so they come a few times a year to stay. I'd plan for two to share until they're hitting 10/11 so we still have a guest room for the next few years.

@Purplecatshopaholic wow…that was a bit extreme.

@Cat3rpillar7 I’m not sure why I find it easier but strangely I do. I remember when number 4 was born I absolutely dreaded the school runs and found I could get them all up, fed and dressed easier than I could with 3. Im not sure if it’s just forced me to be more organised but that all seems to run much more smoothly. The house is LOUD though and it’s virtually impossible to keep tidy and the washing is never ending but the day to day stuff with them has been fine. They drive each other mad sometimes but also play well together too, generally if one doesn’t want to play someone else will. It’s definitely chaos but good chaos. I work but just 2 days a week.

Do you feel a very strong need for a fifth child? Things seem to be working well as they are.

I have three kids in a 3-bed house. DD1(12yo) and 2(5yo) share and DS(2yo) has the smallest room.

However, we will be moving within the next year so they can all have their own rooms. Whilst I see nothing wrong with room sharing, I think it’s preferable to ensure my kids have their own space. I wouldn’t plan another child knowing we definitely wouldn’t give two of our kids their own space.

Same! Already have three with 2y age gaps, and would love a fourth/final. It can’t be so bad if OP is considering a fifth… A fourth would tip us into shared bedrooms though.

@janietreemore honestly, yes I do though I’m trying to quash it because of the bedroom situation but it’s not easy.

@Babybraaain Having 4 has been great, chaotic and noisy but wonderful

I stopped at 3, and individual bedrooms have been a blessing, especially with the middle child diagnosed SEN in their teens. The younger two did always share, but by age 9/10, they really needed their own space.

I had to share as a child, and it was absolutely not good, so I understand why they need their own space.

Not quite the same, but 4 DOGS is inexplicably easier than 3, so I understand where you are coming from there! I refuse to get a 5th though, as I can see that leading to a 6th and that is far too many for me.

That’s so lovely to hear! My first three are the same order as yours and they are lovely together. I’m just not sure I will get my husband on board with one more, and I don’t want to pressure him into it.

I had to share until I went to uni.

I hated it.

I deliberately made sure all my dc have their own rooms and space.

This is such an useless extreme comment. Best you sit this one out.

okay so we are thinking if we add another window we could possibly partition our room on the extension to make it 2 rooms though they’d really just be space enough for bed & furniture but would give them their own space when it became problematic. They could share until then in the bigger bedroom upstairs (can’t be partitioned) so they’d have plenty of floor space etc for playing.

Then down the line if an older sibling moved out first we’d take the partition down and they’d both be able to have bigger rooms.

We’d also still have summer house and dining area space for a bit more chill out space for them while they had small bedrooms.

I think room sharing is fine when kids are young. May become a problem when they become teenagers but realistically with the younger 2 that’s over a decade away and you may potentially still not be in the same house even.

Are you hoping for a sister for your DD?
We have older sons and 1DD who is our last, but I always think I would have liked to have been able to have given her a sister.