Is having 3 kids really that bad?

[Mamabear256]

Currently pregnant with 3rd. Have 2 boys 6 and 3.5 years old. This pregnancy was planned but now I’m panicking after reading horror stories online (mainly Mumsnet) about how hard having 3 is compared to 2, loss of freedom, ruining family dynamics etc etc. is it really that bad???

I love having 3. They are all teens and really good friends now. Was hard work but little kids are mental!

Mine are almost 12, 10 in a fortnight and 8.
just me and them for six years now and it’s hard work but great too

I don’t think it’s that bad but I have supportive parents an in laws who are willing to help us and live close. I also have a very competent and hands on husband who I know can handle all three if needed. If we didn’t have family near by who are willing to help I probably would have stopped at 2, tbh maybe even 1.

Only thing I would change was we should have waited a bit longer for our third, who was a surprise. I found out I was pregnant the week before I was due to go to a tequila festival 😂. Safe to say I had to give my sister my ticket.

I loved having 3. The older two were 4 and 6 when no 3 arrived. WE now have an unplanned 4th who turned it all upside down so I look back fondly on having 3 and it all feeling a bit more sane.....

I have 3, all close together which was lovely as they broadly went through each stage together- so no issues of trying to find family activities or trips for kids of very different ages. Three under 5 was busy busy busy (I worked as well!) but wouldn’t have had it any other way. As someone said upthread, it feels like a larger family without being crazy big. Also you can still fit 3 kids in a family size car, you’re not having to move into people carrier territory. Plus a 4 bed house means each child will get their own bedroom… not that that’s essential, but the point is, there are a lot more 4 bed than 5 bed houses around! I’d say it’s the perfect number if you want a biggish family.

This is how she is parented, not the fact she’s an only child.

Meh. I also had 3 boys under 6. It was fine. Hectic, but fun. Lovely teens now. And I've adopted 2 more.

Remember, many of the people going on about how hard it will be and how they couldn't do it etc etc are not as hardcore as you are 😉

Congratulations!

Came to say the same: I think 1-2 is the hardest transition. I'm not sure why, but I guess it is to do with the house revolving around number 1 and Number 2 being the point at which you first have to learn to juggle naps etc. Also one is more portable in just a pram, sling etc. Number two makes you get used to managing buggy boards, scooter, massive double pram or whatever.

Also it is the mental division. When an only child is ill, you focus. Number 2 forces you to learn to divide focus: yes, baby is ill, but Number one has nursery nativity in the morning and is needing to be put to bed even though baby would really benefit from your undivided attention at that moment. I think for mums that skill of juggling needs is a big leap.

I suppose it is like a meal: after a certain point, the more people you have cooked for makes it easier to add another unexpected guest on, as it is only a spoonful off everyone else's plate!

No , it’s ok actually . People are just so dramatic and not used to be with their kids these days . I’m in my way to my 4th child so obviously personally didn’t think 3 was that hard . And I have a sen oldest child too .

I have 3 and unexpectedly became a single mum 2 years ago. There are 4 years between them all so 2 years and 2 years. Yes it was tough at times but they are teens and tweens now and its so much easier.
Although I am a glorified taxi driver most weekends due to their activities.
Looking back should I have stopped at 2 probably as life was tough when they were little. But going from 1-2 was much harder than 2-3. The youngest just had to go with the flow, I was also a more confident parent when it came to DC3.
Has it been a horror story no, have there been horrific days yes. But on the whole it's not a nightmare and I'm glad I had them close together. These days I'm left alone a lot as they are more independent. They also entertain each other and are very close.
Overall I love having 3 and watching them grow and become lovely human beings.

I had three in 3.5 years and it was fine. Three is a very normal sized family in my view. Almost all my friends have three or four children.

Depends what they’re like and how you parent really. Mine are hard bloody work with one thing an another. I find it all very relentless plus holidays and days out an expensive nightmare

This thread has lifted my heart 🥰

Currently (very early doors) pregnant with a shock #3 and debating whether or not to proceed with the pregnancy… a huge part of my anxiety stems from so many MN threads (of which I’ve read all of them) about how three is an awful number of children to have. To read all the posters on this thread with experience to the contrary is just wonderful.

Yeah totally depends on your personality. I’m quite up tight and have found having one kid incredibly hard work, so I’ve stopped at one.

Ds has a friend who has 8 siblings, so 9 children including a pair of twins! I think three dc is pretty standard.

The costs of university would put me off.

I love having three but of course it is more work!

Wise. I think you either have to have a lot of help and money or have a more relaxed approach to it all

I am one of three, and I have three, born within five years. It was fun and chaotic, but you do need to be quite relaxed. There was never much money to spare but we avoided childcare costs by working opposite shifts ( pre funded childcare) and my parents were supportive too. Parenting seems a lot more intense now so I don't know if I'd cope now. Times have changed such a lot. We also didn't account for how expensive they would be right into adulthood.

Thanks for the replies everyone. I’ve spent so much time raking through threads on mumsnet talking about 3 kids and how it’s so hard, the worst amount of kids to have etc and it’s really made me think I’m going to be ruining our lives, mine and my DH and my kids by going back to the baby stage. I’m struggling to decide what to do, I really cannot decide what I should do

Three seems to be the new two. I know lots of people with three.

As has already been said, it’s a great number if you want a larger family without tipping over into needing a much larger people carrier type vehicle. It also means each child gets their own bedroom in a 4 bed house, and 4 beds are far more common than 5 bed.
Just accept that once the children outnumber the adults, life will be busy! But it’s great having a little gang growing up together.

I really think thats an overreaction OP. I remember panicking at the beginning of every pregancy, I think its normal. Number 3 is easy though, they already fit into existing routines.

Another child is a blessing not a calculation! If you want another one and able to then wonderful ✨️

Yes more money, the usual worries, but I don't see the difference in number being relevant if you're both on board with the expectations. You will all still be able to fit into one car lol 😆

I think the view slant of bigger families is more about being able to financially support them. When you read about a single Mum on benefits with 6 kids from different Dads, that's where the horror of having so many comes into effect.

3 is great and I echo that 1-2 was MUCH harder than 2-3. Oldest was 5.5 and 3.5 when littlest was born so I think the age gap helped (2 under 2 was hell for me).
Youngest is now nearly 5 and I’m due number 4 in June - hand on heart id have 5 if I had the room & was younger but with 4 they can each have their own rooms still.
I’ve always worked full time but always had 1+ year off on mat leave.
Definitely love having a big family having grown up an only child! Hopefully they love it too!