Is 4 too many?

[CalmFawn]

Currently have 3 children 5, 3 and an under 1). I thought it would be very difficult but so far I’m loving life (really struggled with my first).

im enjoying it so much I’ve started to entertain the idea of 4…my husband is open to the idea but as long as its not for a couple of years so plenty of time to decide

I just wondered what other opinions were? Do you have 4 and how is it?!

We had 4 close together 5.5, 4 and 2 when DC4 arrived. The biggest jump was 1-2 and the 4th just slotted in. The issues are that a normal car has 5 seats (and 7 seaters were like hen's teeth back then) and a normal house has 3 bedrooms, so there is additional cost with a 4th. Hotel rooms too that are 2+2 and cot won't accommodate 2+3/4.

Other than that it didn't make much difference. Now they are adults they keep in touch with each other independently of us and are very close.

Too many. Two children is enough. Otherwise it's selfish.world is already over-populated.

Well I'm far on in the journey so now have my four, their four partners and eight GC and will probably have one or two more. Christmas is a nightmare and birthdays seem never ending.

Get togethers are fun though.

We have three - on cusp of adulthood/late teens.

We thought about a fourth but maternity care was so dire in last pg we never quite got there. When youngest hit 7 we were glad we'd stopped with three and said to each other we didn't want another child - odd that was when family who'd be agast at every pg so far suddenly wanted us to have more .

MN always seems to be against more kids - though I think in RL there's been a shift people will question more than two kids unless it's a blended family - that's seems fine to have quite large numbers then.

I spoke to a lot of people with four - when we were thinking about it - it was a real mix of they slotted in to they really didn't and it nearly broke us. I think we'd have adapted but it was certainly easier to stop at 3 and no real regrets now they are the age they are.

They can pay their own way like I had to. I only had one sibling so amount of siblings is not relevant....

When were you at university? Funding is much less than it used to be. My GSs loan doesn't even cover his rent and he went for cheap options.

I love having 4. Quite fancied another 2 BUT the reality of finances, housing, the right car etc put a stop to that - also the effect on my body.
However, mine are all adults now. If you can afford it (see above - a fourth makes a difference re housing/car/extra curricular activities) then go for it.

I was at uni in 2000 and studied in Scotland so my tuition fees were paid for back then, got a student loan (which has never been paid back due to unforseen circumstances), and a bursary as I did a health related degree.

We're planning on having 5, so I hope 4 isn't too many!

I wouldn't take much heed of people who say "no it's not too many, it's great" when their kids are still young,

Parenting teens in this day and age is often incredibly hard, and incredibly expensive.

So yes, imo it is too many and it is selfish.

Agreed, my children have all decided on one and done as a result

It's fine. I have a large family. I'll be honest, if you are coping with 3 under 5s and enjoying life then 4 won't really make much difference at all.

Imagine what would happen if your DH died, or abandoned you for another woman. How different would it be with four instead of three?

Way too many! (I come from a large family).

Wait… our parents are supposed to pay our university fees and house deposits?! I missed this memo, I’ve been mugged off paying my own university repayments and earning my own deposit!!

Not supposed to know, But if you can, you should and you are doing your child a massive disservice launching them into the world knowing that that’s never gonna be a possibility for them
I’d rather not have them, then sell them short

No obviously

I’m interested to hear any tips you have. I will have 4 of similar ages at the end of the year, and threads like this panic me! I will have twins 5.5, a 3 year old and a newborn. Any practical or other tips?

No, it's good for children not to grow up expecting handouts left right and centre. Being able to fund themselves will help them more.

You must be exceptionally wealthy to afford 4 children.
The cost of providing the food and accommodation, a five bed house, will be vast.
Let alone the large vehicle to transport them.
Not forgetting the out of school activities.

We've been force-fed this message since the 50s and look where it's got us. Not enough young people to support the elderly.

I suggest we'd have been better off as a country now if people had ignored it and had 3 or 4 children, so we weren't dependent on immigration.

So was your loan and bursary enough to pay your rent? If kids get the full loan I think it is probably ok but if you get the minimum loan your parents are expected to help, that's how the figures are worked out.

It was ample to cover my living costs including rent each month when living away from home. And food etc. My parents weren't in a position to help so I also worked weekends too.

So they wouldn't be paying their way like you did.

Nonsense