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Original poster

3 kids to 3 different dads

29 replies

Mumboy0622 · 10/03/2025 11:21

Hi guys I’m new to this but just looking for some advice and thoughts…..
I have 2 sons ones 19 and ones 3 both different fathers first born I had at 18 was with the father from 16 up until early 20s we were young and grew apart we get on though. Youngest son me and his dad were together 5 years met just before lock down and had baby in 2022, we’ve never had the perfect relationship I honestly think I just settled, I found that we always just bickered about anything and he would never take accountability for things and he was and is always right and likes to be in control. Anyways I’ve been seeing this guy for 7 months now he’s 6 years younger than me no kids he’s absolutely amazing but he wants a child. I’ve always said il never have 3 kids to 3 different men I draw the line at 2 but deep down I know I would love another kid but I think I’m worried on what people will think and how it will affect my youngest knowing his dads not around 24/7 but his younger sibling will have their mum and as round all the time, don’t worry too much about my eldest as he understands everything, then there’s my youngest dad we don’t see eye to eye and he’s sworn my new partner will never be in littles ones life ever and if I moved in with my new partner then he would seek full custody of my little one, also I’m turning 38 this year and I feel like am I too old to even be thinking about having another child? Feel like I have so many mixed emotions running through my head like I don’t know what to do for the best, sometimes I think would it be the easiest and safest option to get back with my youngest dad and have another baby to him so then my kids will have both mum and dad in the same household but then will they grow up in a house full of resentment and constant bickering? Feel like I can’t talk to my friends because they don’t like my ex and they think I’m stupid if I have another kid to someone else. Xx

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 10/03/2025 19:24

You're 38 and have known this bloke 7 months. Give it another 18 months before you can be even vaguely sure, especially with a 3 yo... That's pushing it for me.

The 3 kids, 3 dads thing... No one who cares matters and no one who matters cares. It's perfectly fine as long as you parent them all well.

EG94 · 10/03/2025 19:25

I wouldn’t rush into it with another guy. He’s younger. He has time. Not sure if the time to get to know him is enough time for you to have another baby but I wouldnt rush. In fact I’d be alarmed someone asking me about having a kid with them 6 months in

Miraclemuma03 · 11/03/2025 05:26

Definitely too early into the new relationship to be ready for babies. You still have time on your side and you both arnt living together so you don't exactly know each other fully and don't know how you both live and cope as a couple. Also you have the 3yr old to worry about and whether or not the new partner can take him on, on a 24/7 basis.

FondantFancyFan · 11/03/2025 05:35

No way would I agree to this. You've had your children, go and live your life now. The planet doesn't need anymore human beings.

Bailamosse · 11/03/2025 05:44

sometimes I think would it be the easiest and safest option to get back with my youngest dad and have another baby to him so then my kids will have both mum and dad in the same household but then will they grow up in a house full of resentment and constant bickering?

Don’t do this.

RosesAndHellebores · 11/03/2025 05:48

You need to know your new boyfriend for significantly longer than six months before deciding to have another child. I would hope that after six months he has only just met and properly started to get to know your three year old.

First you have to talk about your joint expectations, find out if you are compatible, get engaged, get married, him to be clear and understand the financial and emotional commitment he will be making. If all those things are right in 18 months to two years, think about a baby but only if you and/or he can fully finance your existing young child and a baby (in the event that the father gets difficult).

38 is no age to have a baby. I had my third at almost 39 and considered another.

I am much older than you and yes I would judge you, albeit silently. I have a son of 30 and if he were getting involved with a lady six years older than him with a grown up child she had at 18 and a three year old with different father's and I don't recall you saying you have been married, I'd be deeply concerned.

BlondiePortz · 11/03/2025 05:51

Doesnt your history tell you guide you towrds something? is this really best for you possible future child or just for yourself? who would you be putting first in all this? you???

is that really fair

Firenzeflower · 11/03/2025 05:52

3 kids to 3 dads means nothing. But this is too soon get to know him better.

ThreeMagicNumber · 11/03/2025 05:56

I wouldn't be even thinking of having a baby with someone I have only known 7 months and I certainly wouldn't be thinking of having a baby with an ex I had a terrible relationship with.

I think you need to wisen up, stop thinking about babies that aren't here and concentrate on your children who are and make the best decisions for them. You don't need another baby. If you have one with either of these options, guaranteed you will be single again with a third baby.

Original poster
Mumboy0622 · 11/03/2025 07:50

BlondiePortz · 11/03/2025 05:51

Doesnt your history tell you guide you towrds something? is this really best for you possible future child or just for yourself? who would you be putting first in all this? you???

is that really fair

.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumboy0622 · 11/03/2025 07:51

Just to clarify we haven’t spoke about having a child I’m saying I would love to have another kid and he would want a child but we’re not in talks about having one. My issue is is that down the line am I going to be too old to be having another child and is it bad to have another baby to another man even if he is the one I will spend my life with, he hasn’t met my kids It’s too early even if I know he’s the right guy, yes I have 2 children to 2 different men is that a crime? Clearly I don’t take crap and settle for the bare minimum in relationships I know what I bring to the table and what I deserve in life, I’ve raised my children the right way my kids don’t need or want for nothing and this is all the doings from myself so yes I can support them financially on my own and take care of them bluebell I don’t need a man to provide for me and my kids, I am a proud mother for the way I’ve brought my kids up, what plays on my mind is if I’m too old to be having another child because it is going to be around 39-40 when I get pregnant is that too old? And will I be judged for having a 3rd baby father

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumboy0622 · 11/03/2025 07:52

.

OP posts:
Miraclemuma03 · 11/03/2025 07:57

Mumboy0622 · 11/03/2025 07:50

.

Edited
Show quote history

No you won't be too old to be having another baby, woman have babies well into their 40s all the time so I don't think that is an issue and also why would someone judge you for having 3 different fathers? It's no one's business and people who are strangers don't need it explained too them. All that matters is that you love them, and give them a good life and upbringing and a stable home and of course being able to afford them. In my opinion it's just too soon in the relationship but again no one's business, at the end of the day its you that has to support another baby if said relationship doesn't work out but maybe it will work. No one knows.

Comedycook · 11/03/2025 07:59

Seven months is nothing.

Do you actually want another child or do you just want to keep this man happy? Oh and even if he says he wants a child, that doesn't mean he'll be a good dad...he could still bugger off and leave you in the lurch.

Come on op....you're not a young naive girl...

Original poster
Mumboy0622 · 11/03/2025 08:06

Thankyou, I think I’m thinking into it too much because of my age, men can have kids at any age but i think women can’t (that’s my personal opinion) right now I’m enjoying watching my youngest personality change by the minute and thriving off my eldest doing well in college and getting himself a job and just guiding him through his career goals, I’m also enjoying time with my partner when not in mummy mode, I think that just plays on the back of my mind wondering if I’m getting too old

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumboy0622 · 11/03/2025 08:11

Also can I add I’m not a benefits scrounger or a stay at home mum sitting on my bottom all day watching tv in case some of you are looking at my post judging me for having 2 kids and 2 failed relationships. I have my own house car and provide for my kids on my own (holidays clothes food nursery etc) I mean not that you need the low down on my life or what I’ve been through but jeez come of these comments are savage and I think your not looking at the question i asked which was about my age and having 3 baby daddy’s, I’m not in talks of having a baby now this is like way into the future

OP posts:
Miraclemuma03 · 11/03/2025 08:18

Mumboy0622 · 11/03/2025 08:06

Thankyou, I think I’m thinking into it too much because of my age, men can have kids at any age but i think women can’t (that’s my personal opinion) right now I’m enjoying watching my youngest personality change by the minute and thriving off my eldest doing well in college and getting himself a job and just guiding him through his career goals, I’m also enjoying time with my partner when not in mummy mode, I think that just plays on the back of my mind wondering if I’m getting too old

My eldest is 22 and my youngest is 1, I have many inbetween and my younger children don't take anything away from raising my older ones.

converseandjeans · 11/03/2025 08:27

I don't think the issue is 3 kids by 3 Dads or how you are supporting them. I think it's the fact that you haven't been together long & he isn't living with you. So it seems too soon. If you wait a couple of years then you will be over 40.

You would then spend almost all your adult life doing school runs, play dates, checking homework etc & I think most people prefer to get into the next phase of life.

Don’t underestimate the exhaustion of menopause either. You might be fine but you could have a teen and a 10 year old & your eldest might even have a child by then.

onetwothreefourfive11 · 11/03/2025 08:29

Wow , way too early
Sounds like you get hooked on the superficial emotion v quickly.

Would you want to be married first 3rd time around?

Personally I would prefer to stay to 2 dads.

Comedycook · 11/03/2025 08:39

I couldn't care less if you were on benefits or watch a lot of TV...even the three dads thing is not particularly the issue. But surely if you're going roll the dice again, you'd want a really rock solid relationship. Sounds to me like your life is just fine, and you're panicking about your age.

MrsTerryPratchett · 11/03/2025 13:57

Mumboy0622 · 11/03/2025 08:11

Also can I add I’m not a benefits scrounger or a stay at home mum sitting on my bottom all day watching tv in case some of you are looking at my post judging me for having 2 kids and 2 failed relationships. I have my own house car and provide for my kids on my own (holidays clothes food nursery etc) I mean not that you need the low down on my life or what I’ve been through but jeez come of these comments are savage and I think your not looking at the question i asked which was about my age and having 3 baby daddy’s, I’m not in talks of having a baby now this is like way into the future

Edited

You have used a lot more of these phrases than anyone else on this thread.

I think you need to think through your feelings about it. Will people judge? Of course, people judge literally everything. Should you care? Only if you believe there is a reason to care. And that seems to be your own feelings about it.

With one away at college, most people you meet won't even clock you have three, never mind to three dads. Hopefully your friends and family aren't judgemental arseholes.

Should you have a child in your 40s? I wouldn't, I'm tired Grin Why don't you wait and see how you feel in 2 years, when you might be thinking about moving in or whatever.

FondantFancyFan · 11/03/2025 15:52

Why would you want to have a baby as you're nearing the perimenopause stage of your life? It'll be hell on earth.

crumblingschools · 11/03/2025 16:03

I'm hoping you haven't introduced this man to your DC yet.

I would be concentrating on the children you have

PassingStranger · 17/03/2025 13:36

Just enjoy your new relationship.
Why do you need to be thinking about having a baby.

Ketzele · 17/03/2025 23:19

There's so many issues here. I think the least of your worries is the 3x3 thing. My sister in law has 3 by 3 dads, all now grown, and it worked brilliantly. BUT all the adults involved really wanted to make it work and were respectful of the other parents, including my dB who is a fantastic stepfather.