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Original poster

REally cant decide whether to go for no.4

29 replies

Nemoandthefishes · 05/05/2008 21:17

I have spent the past year convincing dh we want a 4th he has agreed and we are due to start ttc in june but now I am panicking a bit. Thing is dh has said basically it is now or never as he doesnt want a big age gap and our 3 children are 4.6yrs,2.4yrs and 16mths. I tend to fall pregnant quite quickly and have also had 3mcs in my time. I just dont know what to do we dont have a big house but thats fine as I know the kids would be happy regardless..how do you know it is the right decision as I feel I would regret it if I dont have no.4 but I dont know if NOW is the right time but if its not now it wont ever be...arghhhhh

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MerlinsBeard · 05/05/2008 21:20

you know that the answer is that no one here can decide for you don't you?

Ecmo · 05/05/2008 21:20

I have 4. Never intended to have 4. I just got really broody when no3 was 1. It took a lot of persuading and quite a lot of trying. i love having 4 although it is sometimes hard to find time for them all individually.

MerlinsBeard · 05/05/2008 21:22

having said that...

could you cope with a pregnancy with 3DCs? then a birth and a newborn with your other children?
is your house big enough?
Willyou be able to cope?
Will you have to buy another car? can you afford to?
Will you regret it if you don't?
what do your other children think?

(just some Qs we have been thinking...DP due for the snip so need to make sure we are done at 3!)

hatrick · 05/05/2008 21:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

Nemoandthefishes · 05/05/2008 21:30

MOM I could cope with the pregnancy we have a zafira so do have the seating even with the P+T in the boot.Other children are happy with the idea but then they are only young. I do think I will regret it if I miss this opportunity I just wish DH wasnt so rigid in the now or never side of it.
House is a small 3 bed semi but we do plan on making a bedroom with ensuite[for us] in the loft when finances will allow and also building a conservatory.I am also aware ds is starting school in sept which is a stage we havent been through yet and while I can cope with toddlers and babies I as yet havent had to deal with children who have a lot of external influence on them iykwim.

OP posts:

Original poster

Nemoandthefishes · 05/05/2008 21:31

lol hatrick but by then it may all be too late..lol

OP posts:

MerlinsBeard · 05/05/2008 21:32

reading your post it looks like your mind is made up already and you are just seeking reassurance

sweetkitty · 05/05/2008 21:33

I would say go for it nemo

I'm on number 3 as you know and this will be my last pregnancy, I'm falling to pieces and as much as I would love one mrore baby know that there is NO WAY I can go through this again.

Now if someone could kindly leave a newborn on my doorstep that would be lovely.

Original poster

Nemoandthefishes · 05/05/2008 21:35

MOM funnily enough I thought that when I posted as I have all the answers

SK bless you it wont be long and then you will be not pg and will have forgotten what its like.

OP posts:

mum2boys2girls · 05/05/2008 21:48

I have the fantastic four and i love it thinking about making it five !!!!!

sweetkitty · 05/05/2008 21:58

Nemo - I have told DP if I ever look at a baby he is to slap me and make me remember this time. No I cannot do this again it's getting worse each pregnancy I'm falling apart 3 is my limit I'm afraid unless I do a Brad/Angelina

mum2boys2girls · 05/05/2008 22:16

Have to say Sweetkitty my third pregnancy was my worse in and out of hospital every aliment going etc etc the fourth i thought would be the same but was a breeze food for thought!!!!

thefabfour · 06/05/2008 10:42

Nemo- I fell accidentally PG with my fourth when my other 3 were 4.3yrs, 2.5 yrs and 4 months.

TBH, i didn't really notice the PG, at least not to the very end when I was big and uncomfortable. The birth was straight forward and quick.

Saying that, the first six months were very hard But DC4 is 1 at the weekend and it is slowly getting easier.

Does it absolutley have to be NOW? whilst it is nice for the DC's to be so close in age, I feel as if I have aged at least 10 years sometimes. I guess it has to be a balance between needs of the family and the health and sanity of the mother!

Stopfighting · 06/05/2008 12:19

Go for it!

Would say though that a bigger gap may be better as the older ones will be more independant.

Also, I've found that the older they are the more they appreciate and adore the baby which is lovely to see. It also means you can enjoy the baby stage of your 16 month old for longer before you move on to another.

Waiting another year really wouldn't be a big deal.

largeginandtonic · 06/05/2008 12:28

Go for it, my 4th was an easy pregnancy, labour and birth. He is the most gorgeous little boy and i couldnt be happier i had him

Of course the next 2 are another story....

Good luck!

bumface · 06/05/2008 14:27

Hello,

Could you try now but not very hard IYSWIM ?try to buy some time and make the gap a little bigger.

rainbowdays · 06/05/2008 20:28

nemo - I am also in the wondering if ttc dc#4 is the right thing, but I have a bit of time before I need to make the now or never decision. It is tough, I think that no one else can say what is right for you.

I have only just had dc3 four weeks ago, so I am not ttc yet, but I had my first two only 15months apart and love that they are so close now. I would want dc3 to have a sibling close in age too, and I am taking into consideration my age, as I am no spring chicken and recovery is harder I think as you get older (willing to be proved wrong on that one though!).

Hope that people have reassured you enough here and that you get your dc4 at the right time for you.

oiFoiF · 06/05/2008 20:29

i want to too but its a really bad idea
i imagine though in ayears time i will be pregnant

i have wanting 4th child syndrome

oiFoiF · 06/05/2008 20:29

stupid thing is i was going to stop at 2

ladytophamhatt · 06/05/2008 20:39

Fucking hell FIO!!!

Did I really just read that you want another one too??

Ohhhhhhhh You both MUST have a 4th.

Ds4 is the best. Hes funny, sweet, totally adorable, the big one love him to bits. He really is the most perfectly formed bundle of cute I've ever seen.
He was and still is unbelieveably easy going (teething excluded). I'm still not sure if he really was a super easy baby or if its because once you've got 4 it's a been there, got the t-shirt type thing. Maybe its a combination of both.

Anyway, He is teh best accidnet/mistake we've ever made and I think my lucky stars he's mine everyday (excluding teething)

Zola78 · 06/05/2008 21:19

I've just had my 3rd (DS3 is 16 weeks) and reading all your posts are making me want a fourth. I love being pregnant, however, I'm not soooo keen on the first 12 - 14 weeks. Notsleeping and trying to fit the baby in to the existing routine.

But I want a fourth. The thing about having children is logically it never makes sense. They are extremely demanding of our time, energy and finances but.....we love it and them.

PeachyHas4BoysAndLovesIt · 06/05/2008 21:23

dunno about you nemo, but i could never regret a baby I had no matter how hard it made practical things

but you can really, really regret not having a baby

and everything else- you will cope, we all just do don't we?

DS4 is a month tomorrow and yep iot can be ahrd work- but he's so lovely and my family now has that complete feeling. A great decision.

I did panic part way through and think why... but that's normal, the status quo is the comfy zone after all

ladytophamhatt · 06/05/2008 21:32

oh yes peachy, I understand that Completely....I just know without a doubt in years to come I'll resent Dh for messing me about so much about no5.
I knwo I'll regert not having one but he'd never ever regret having one....he won't though.

The Shitbag!!

Original poster

Nemoandthefishes · 06/05/2008 22:07

oh you all talk so much sense and I know I want another I think its just the now or never aspect dh is adding which I can sort of understand as it means all of them would be at similair stages at similair times which is what makes our life easier and harder at the moment.

OP posts:

Janni · 06/05/2008 22:10

I've got three and that's plenty for me because I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and a chance to go back to work at some point. I think unless you are
DESPERATE to have a fourth and have excellent material resources, I would be very unsure about doing it...

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