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REally cant decide whether to go for no.4

29 replies

Nemoandthefishes · 05/05/2008 21:17

I have spent the past year convincing dh we want a 4th he has agreed and we are due to start ttc in june but now I am panicking a bit. Thing is dh has said basically it is now or never as he doesnt want a big age gap and our 3 children are 4.6yrs,2.4yrs and 16mths. I tend to fall pregnant quite quickly and have also had 3mcs in my time. I just dont know what to do we dont have a big house but thats fine as I know the kids would be happy regardless..how do you know it is the right decision as I feel I would regret it if I dont have no.4 but I dont know if NOW is the right time but if its not now it wont ever be...arghhhhh

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TheDuchessOfNorksBride · 06/05/2008 22:31

DH and I wanted 4 but after having the first 3 in just under 3 years I didn't feel physically up to a 4th pregnancy. However, we decided last year, with my 40th birthday getting closer and a 3 year rest gap, that it was now or never so we did. And I'm due in 3 weeks. I would much prefer a smaller age gap between DC3 & 4 because I don't want an odd-one-out. But 4 under 6.5yo isn't bad and I'm sure it'll pan out as they get older.

Finance, house size, car size etc wasn't a concern. And we have domestic help. I'm also fairly confident that we can give plenty of attention to each one as DH is very hands-on and we both work from home.

(If I find post-birth that it was actually a terrible mistake, I'll search for this thread and let you know).

ladytophamhatt · 07/05/2008 09:00

It won't be duchess ds4 slotted in without a jot of trouble.
IMO and IME going from 3-4 was the easiest increase by a very long way.

claricebean · 07/05/2008 09:23

Another one here who can definitely recommend four. I always wanted four and, although I think I'll be broody for life, I can honestly say I don't want anymore now. It's such a lovely feeling to not be consumed with wondering about having another (especially as DH always took some convincing, so I was never positive we'd end up with 4).

DC4 has just turned 1. I wouldn't say I haven't noticed the extra work. She's not quite as placid as DC3 and took longer to settle into a nighttime routine than my other 3. But she is a delight and, of course, none of us would be without her.

Part of my desire to have 4 was the everyone-having-someone-to-play-with thing. I was one of three myself. And I must say that that is working out brilliantly. The kids often play in pairs, and it's not always the same pairs, which is just great.

My gaps are a bit bigger than yours. When DC4 was born, the others were 6.9, 4.11 and 2.8. I agree that it'll be tough for you with smaller gaps, but then again, I can see your DH's point of view about them all being at the same stage together. Even with small gaps, if you have 4, the oldest is inevitably going to be into different things than the youngest. But at least you are minimising that problem so things like holiday choice, days out etc will be easier in that respect.

Enough rambling from me. I think if you are anything like me, and thoughts of another baby just occupy all your time, then go for it. It'll be hard work. But you won't grow old with that regret and what if? feeling.

tiredmumov4 · 07/05/2008 15:19

go for it! ya dont regret the things ya do only the things ya dont.i was in your position and im soooo glad we did it my harry is 6 months now i have 4 under 7 and he is the easiest baby of all of em!good luck

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