Grandparent visits

[fibsinstera]

My in laws live 20 minutes from us, they see their grandchild (our child) every 2-3 weeks, we think this is plenty of contact, but they frequently complain. Is this too little / too much? We very much enjoy family time by ourselves and would find weekly visits restrictive, but are we being unreasonable?

I see all four of mine at least once a week.
My Mum saw all eleven of hers at least once a week .
I'd get upset if l didn't.. and so would my Grandkids.
We are all really close.
I saw my Granny and Grandad every day.. but they only lived 4 doors away.

Once every 2 to 3 weeks is fine! Every weekend would be stifling. You’re surely allowed time as a nuclear family. They are lucky to see them as much as they do I think. A little bit of distance makes the heart grow fonder anyway I feel.

Visits every 2-3 week is plenty and way more than many do.

In these scenarios it's usually the parents who are juggling work and home and social life as well as looking after their little one(s), which is exhausting!

Being moaned at retired GP who have very little going on in their lives and want their DC and GC to fill that time.

They forget that one day of the weekend is usually just sorting the house out and the washing out etc when you're both working, so you only really have a day to work with each week.

You need some down time too, you can't always be hosting/visiting people on the little time off you get.

Mine didn't see their grandparents that often but lived 180 miles away, every 6-8 weeks

@buttonsB4
You don't host your own parents/ Grandparents.
It works both ways.
One day you might want them to look after their Grandkids.. and stopping them seeing them isn't a good way to go about it . Grandparents bring a lot to Grandchildren.
A wealth of knowledge and history being passed on.
Mine taught me so much and l teach mine so much.
We look through old photos.
Bake.
Play board games.
Days out.
Family time is important and benefits all generations.

I wouldn't be very distressed to see our granddaughter once every 3 weeks but if I were the granny in question, I would rather see her more. As it is I see ours about once a week as I look after her for a bit while her parents are working. I assume they are happy with this arrangement (free childcare 😃) and she makes my day brighter.

Sorry posted too soon. I also meant to say that I have such lovely memories of the time I spent with my granny when I was a bit older, between around 8 and 16. The relationship I had with her was different to the one I had with my parents, not better, just not the same. It was granny who taught me to bake, to crochet, to be a nicer person than I was when I was a teenager and thought my parents didn't understand me, who took me on little trips away, who listened.

My grandad sadly died when I was young, only about 11, but he was the loveliest man and used to take me into the garden to listen to the birdsong and to identify their calls. He and my other granny lived 100 miles away so he sent cassette tapes he had recorded by post with their news. He was a true gentleman.

I would love to have a similar relationship with my grandchildren without imposing myself on them. I have a very busy and happy life so am not like the grandparent a previous poster referred to as being retired and bored. But I do think the grandparent relationship can be a lovely and very special one

It’s not very much contact, so I can see why they are complaining. However, you are under no obligation to spend time with anyone unless it’s what you want to do.

How long is each visit ?

Assuming that you both work full time and you see your parents the same amount, every 2-3 weeks sounds fine to me (assuming several hours in their company each time )

It sounds a lot to me. I saw my grandparents 2 or 3 times a year, which felt about right as a child. Much more could be suffocating, especially as the children get older and want to be doing their hobbies, seeing friends etc.

It sounds like plenty to me. Seeing them every weekend would really limit your ability to do different things or spend time with other people.

It's entirely up to you. What works for you. Your little family. Your decision.

It's up to you. See them when you want to see them. I never had grandparents so have no idea how much is normal. My own DM sees her grandchildren once or twice a year. I thought that was normal!

I find these responses amazing. We see grandparents once a month maybe 6 weeks sometimes. They live about an hour away so it’s most of a day. They don’t invite us, don’t ’show’ the kids anything or teach them anything that I can tell. Don’t talk about history to them or the past or ever look through old photos. My kids just generally get a bit bored as there isn’t much to do! Grandparents don’t seem that bothered about interacting. I’m sure they’d say they’d love to see them more but in reality don’t offer much for it.

Mine are 40 minutes away, but I generally get to see them once a week, which I love. That's probably going to decrease shortly, due to changes in their parents' shifts. I'll admit that I'm going to find it hard.

If only 20 minutes away, I think three weeks is a fairly long interval. My in laws were two and a half hours away, but we stayed with them for at least a full weekend every six weeks. And they'd come down to us as well.

@catwithflowers What a lovely description of the relationship you had with your GPs. They sound wonderful.
I'm due to become a GP in the autumn and I will emulate this!
(My DCs GPs were really bad at fostering a relationship with my DCs)

My child's grandmothers go several months /weeks without seeing them. When they do, it's brief and more of a burden if anything.

Worth mentioning they both live relatively close. One is 30min drive on a busy day, the other about 40mins.

One grandfather passed away when DP was a teen, and my DF has never met my child, and i probably see him once or twice a year.

I say that to say, sometimes I feel envy from people with interested grandparents. Particularly those with GP that are able to support with childcare and lighten the load.

This is more of a vent than a challenge to your post btw.

Doesn’t sound like much ….I see my DDs kids 3 to 4 times a week….I see my DSs child ( who lives with her mother ) once a week ….she lives about 30 mins away…..i think you being a bit mean ( a lot mean) ….why can’t they see Gp after school sometimes. ….but hey , you do you🤷‍♀️

What does your partner think? They are your in-laws so I wouldn’t be putting restrictions on them - I’d let partner organise more contact if wanted from both sides! FWIW we see my parents 2-3 times a week but we really like them and they help out hugely! Also it might be for an hour etc not always the whole day! We see my in laws a bit less as they live further away so we go probably every 2-3 weeks.

That doesn't seem very much given they're so close. We see each set every 3-4 weeks but they're 1.5 and 2.5 hours away so it's all of Sunday afternoon.

How do you see them? I'd be taking advantage of them being close and inviting them for dinner midweek etc.

Every family is different. There is no right or wrong. To me, every 2-3 weeks is plenty, way more than I would do. Others will think it’s not enough. You decide and stick to what works for you.

Also it really depends on the family's situation. If there is a SAHP and the kids are home by 4 every night then seeing the grandparents in the evening might be a nice option. If both parents work and the kids are getting in tired after 6 then obviously not so much.

Im one of those grandparents who have nothing to do 😂That seems to be the assumption of a lot of mums here. Just wanted to come on and say my life is very busy thank you, but I have cleared a day once every two weeks to look after my grandson to help my daughter out. I love it but its just one of my many commitments. Please don't fall into the trap of thinking anyone with grandchildren are suddenly and magically relieved of the rest of their life's activities and commitments.

This. Depends on the grandparents. Mine see mine maybe twice a year, and that's enough. If they were better people, I would wish to God we could see them more, like normal families do.

I think it depends how close you were to parents and in laws before the grandchildren arrive.
I'm a grandparent myself now and like @Throwingpots above I enjoy seeing them but have a full life of my own.
Definitely not bored!