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Larger families

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Original poster

How many children is too many?

53 replies

thefabfour · 06/04/2008 20:33

Currently have four. They are all very little (eldest is almost 6, youngest 11 mo) so we're not considering another right now, but would love another perhaps in a years time

But we are bombarded with negativity. Apart from being told we 'have our hands full' constantly, apparently, we don't have enough space in our house, I will never be able to return to work, the children will suffer because they will not get enough attention.. and so on.

I feel from a society point of view, four is just on the 'acceptable' side of large.

so, how many is too many???

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

MissPaulaYates · 06/04/2008 20:37

i have had that 'enough attention' malarkey thrown at me since i had 3!

5 does seem a lot more than four to me but then mine are all at quite difficult ages atm

3 teen /pre teen

5 and 2

one doctor once asked me 'why i wanted so many' but he was a prat...

i am a perfectionist and it is hard to keep that up with 5!

my town has quite a lot of 5's so that helps make it acceptable

only one current six that i know of but not for long!

Cadmum · 06/04/2008 20:39

There is NO such thing as too many.

If you are happy then do not listen to the opinion of others. Particularly ignore unsolicited comments because these tend to come from unhappy people.

For some of these people 1 is too many!

Original poster

thefabfour · 06/04/2008 20:44

How many do you have Cadmum?

And when are you due MissPaula? Feel very

OP posts:

pedilia · 06/04/2008 20:51

I am pg with number 4 and probably won't have any more for a variety of reasons.

Divastrop · 06/04/2008 20:58

from society's POV i reckon any more than 3 must be too many,as so many people thinkits ok to make rude comments about not having a telly or not knowing what contraception is once on no.4

from my POV,at the moment one is too many.but it is the end of the easter hols,so that should go back to normal soon

Tiggerish · 06/04/2008 21:04

I am one of 4 and for us as a family that was too many. My Mum insisted on working at least part time throughout our early childhood, and dad worked long hours. We were then all packed off to boarding school at the earliest opportunity so she could work full time. Essentially, we never had any quality time with either of our parents and I know I always felt in the way and a bit of a nuisance when I was at home (and with hindsight that's totally unjustified!)

So I suppose it depends so much on the parents and how much effort and time they are prepared to put into the family.

MissPaulaYates · 06/04/2008 21:07

does depend on the parents yeas tiggerish

MadameCh0let · 06/04/2008 21:09

It depends, if you have to look after them yourself, then I'd say two is borderline.

I have two children and I often feel like there are children everywhere

hatrick · 06/04/2008 21:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MadameCh0let · 06/04/2008 21:15

How do you have time to come on Mumsnet?!

MissPaulaYates · 06/04/2008 21:16

fab hatrick

hatrick · 06/04/2008 21:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MissPaulaYates · 06/04/2008 21:19

madly decorating but fine!!

you ? are you feeling big? i looked huge all day today ds1 asked if i had something down my top!!
(gained 4 lbs yesterday )

Mags59 · 06/04/2008 22:06

We've got five and youngest are twins so that stopped people grumbling at us about overpopulation etc. Five has been wonderful, but it is something we find people are very polarised about - they either think oh my god how wonderful or oh my god how awful. No one is neutral. I've really enjoyed it - lots of hard work, but it gets easier.

kittywise · 06/04/2008 22:46

It's up to you. Whether you have the money, space and support.
People generally think my 6 are brilliant in a kind of awe struck way. I don';t think i've got that many tbh.

It's enough when you've had enough and hang the rest !

oliviaelanasmum · 07/04/2008 10:01

Im pg with #4 and dp's family have been very negative mainly as dd3 is only 6 months old but as im a sahm and never ask anyone else to look after them i dont see as if it's any of their business!
We were going to stop at 4 but we keep saying one more wouldnt hurt, i found the leap from one to two was worse than 2-3.

fleximum · 07/04/2008 10:06

I'm one of 4 and youngest has severe learning difficulties. Actually technically she is only half sister as dad married again but we've always counted her. I loved being part of a big family and quite fancy 4 myself. SIL was nice enough to tell my father that he should have stopped at 2. Reasons seem to be money. She will inherit lots from her parents (she is one of 2) whereas mine have never had any money and what little they have will have to go 4 ways.

DuchessOfNorksSnowSpecial · 07/04/2008 10:22

For me, 4 will be enough, partly because of my age and partly because that's how far I feel I can comfortably stretch my time and washing machine. My eldest is 6 and no. 4 is due next month.

I think the attention thing is just down to the parents energy levels and interest, I daresay it's just as common for an only child to feel neglected as it is for a family of 6 or 7 DCs to feel that mother is breathing down their necks all the time.

We have several families with 4, 5 or 6 children at our school, I've never heard any negative comments about them. Indeed, the mothers of the 5 & 6 child families are rather highly revered!

Psychomum5 · 07/04/2008 10:45

I personally think that too many is when your brain gives up being able to remember all their names or how many you have to leave the house with (ie, you start leaving a few behind as you can;t count anymore!!!!)

for me, too many was when my body clearly wasn't good at being pregnant anymore. I almost died during my pregnancy with my fifth, and had to be resusitated after the birth during an op for removal of placental remains.

money I think plays some part.......of course we all get help with regards to child benefit and child tax credits, but when it gets to be severe poverty I think then is when you should really start to think how fair it is on you all having to struggle.

for us, when I found we were expecting #5, and were getting all the negetive comments (what happened with 'congratulations' when it is clear that WE are pleased???), all I would say was......"we have the room in our hearts, room in the car, room in the house, so where does it say we have to stop??!!"

it is down to choice in the end tho......if you can cope and the children are fed and clothed and warm and most importantly loved, then I say have as many as you please, but if it comes to a stage where neglect or abuse of some kind were in play then obviously you should not have them......

but then, abuse and neglect can happen with one child so large families should not be frowned upon just because that isn;t your personal choice!

It does however sadden me that many large families are judged on how the tiny minority behave...ie the single mums with many and not knowing who the fathers are of any of them. now that is down to a lack of education and perception on the single mothers part (and I don;t mean 99% of the single mums as 99% of them a far better than me at times at juggling their time and finances), and a distict lack of judgement on the part of SOME of the population!

cmotdibbler · 07/04/2008 10:56

I have a friend who is one of 10, and he says that its a bit like being in a real life soap as theres always so much trauma going on - he has 15 nephews and neices, and a huge extended family too. All are reasonably happy though.

I also went to school with someone who was the youngest of 10 (she was adopted as her mum had one girl, then 8 boys and said that the odds were stacked against her), and they had a wonderful family life.

evenhope · 07/04/2008 10:56

We had 4 in 5.5 years. In the early years they were such hard work it felt that there were too many of them. In fact I did get pg again (not intentionally) when dc4 was only 5 months old and was relieved to miscarry at 6 weeks

15 years later we had our 5th and it has been a totally different experience- like having the first one again. DD1 and DS1 have moved out and DS2 is about to. By the time she goes to school she'll be an "only". We have been seriously wondering whether to try again... just our advanced age (I'm 45 next month) puts us off.

Too many is when you are so wound up and tired by the effort of getting from day to day that you don't enjoy it (or them).

Pollyanna · 07/04/2008 10:57

I'm pg with no 5 which was completely unplanned. I was very happy to stop at 4

I don't know how I'll feel after no 5 (and dh has said it is definitely the last), but personally feel that I would never have any more than 6.

LouiseAnn · 07/04/2008 19:40

The right number is different for each family.

I have always just wanted two.That is my personal limit.

At school I have known several big families and they are very varied. Most of them are lovely families, esp my friend who has seven.

StormyRaincloud · 08/04/2008 09:17

I have 7 littlies, some of them not so littlies, they range from nearly 17 to 1. And we plan on having more.

ChopsTheDuck · 08/04/2008 10:02

psychomum, I get names mixed up and nearly left a child behind once and I only have four!

I guess something is telling me four is my limit.

Although I'd love to cuddle up with another newborn, the thought of doing the whole process again, weaning, nappies, buggies, night feeds, potty training makes me shudder a bit. I'm nearly through all that and couldn't start again.

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