I want a 3rd child but I am so scared

[cloudandsunshineonly]

Hi,

My heart is yearning for a 3rd, I have a boy and girl already and love the balance we have. DH and I both work FT and it would continue that way, he have a large home, bright future. My DC are happy, healthy, feel so lucky to have them and they get on well (with the odd fall out), they are at primary and preschool age.

I am however SCARED if I ruin it all with the 3rd, if that baby is somehow born unwell, or goes onto have extra needs which with 1 or 2 there would be more time to manage but with 3 would be tougher and then my eldest 2 are neglected.

I know so many families of 5 and it's what I want, those mothers however had their children younger than I did, while I focused on my career 😐.

I am mid 30s now and DH just turned 40. I try and convince myself 2 is all I need, then cry and think of what life could be like with 3. DH is onboard, he said he's happy with my decision, he is more of a happy-go-lucky person whereas I like to overthink, so getting slightly annoyed with my indecisiveness...

Not sure what my question is here, but those that has 2 are you glad you stuck with 2?

PS: I did have these 'thoughts' when trying for second (first was a surprise) but it didn't consume me as much then, it mattered more to have the second than anything else really. With the third it somehow feels like a lifeline but I don't know why!!!

Global warming is escalating fast, Trump is talking about taking military action to seize Greenland from a NATO ally, having kidnapped a president the same week. Putin is considering which country to attack after Ukraine. In the UK, the NHS is in a state of near collapse and vast numbers of jobs will be lost to AI. And OP thinks this is a good time to have a 3rd child. Why does no-one ever think of the actual child when they make these decisions? Would you like to be born right now?

^^

Baby has already been born but do you feel better now?

Yes the bedtime juggle is another!

Baby sleeps at 7pm, 4 year old and 7:30pm but is a light sleeper so if baby is fussy then 4 year old takes longer. Eldest goes to bed at 8:30pm, she’s quite easy and sorts herself out but like to drag bedtime to spend time with her baby sibling.

Sounds cute but every single night of this is a lot (but tell myself to look at the cute side)!

Hardly unique to three children, by your logic we should all have none and let Trump end the species.

And yes, I would rather exist than not. YMMV.

I had my third at 40. There were some issues before I was pregnant with her - a molar pregnancy and a missed miscarriage. She also had a highish chance of Downs so I had a CVS done. You're mid 30's and these sorts of issues increase with maternal age.

I did find the first year difficult with three (the others were 3 and 5 when she was born) despite being a SAHM and not having to worry about money, but I'm very glad I had her. She's now 18 and will be off to uni this year.

You only live once! Try to cross everything off the list!

My 3rd is a wonderful child and I love the bones of her. However I do miss the days of just having 2 and I think now how much more straightforward life might be. She is a wonderful addition to our family, she really truly is, and I adore her, but it's hard going, chaotic, busy and expensive. I think my parenting of all 3 is worse as I'm more stressed and tired and wrung out. My career hasn't been able to progress as I still have childcare issues and a young child.

Not sure if I’m really “qualified” to comment as I never wanted three. But, I have two who are 7 and soon 5. The older they get, the less I feel I would have the energy for a third. I feel like I’ve been living the young children stage for a long time by now - and things are finally getting a bit easier. Yet it’s still intense. I really wouldn’t want to postpone getting my life back by another 5 or so years. By now I really appreciate it when I can let my kids run free at a playground for example and just sit myself - I dread the idea of having another 2 year old to sit in the sandbox with. But as said, if you don’t long for your freedom and feel like you have the energy - absolutely go for it. You are younger now than we were when we had our first 😁