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Original poster

Having a fourth baby for my third’s sake?

50 replies

Coralreefparty · 13/05/2024 15:32

I have two teenagers and a baby. I planned to stop there as I’m happy with my three, but I’ve been told my baby will feel like an only child and I should consider a fourth so she gets the childhood my elder two had.
I wouldn’t make the decision based on these comments but I’m interested to know if anyone had a fourth + for this reason?

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SingingSands · 13/05/2024 15:47

My friend did this. She said it was a terrible decision! Obviously she loves number four but she said he didn't have the effect they thought he would have!

Your baby doesn't know he's missing out, his life isn't about being an older sibling.

OmuraWhale · 13/05/2024 15:49

I wouldn't do this! What if they don't get on?

Elektra1 · 13/05/2024 15:49

I had 2 teenagers when my third was born. She's now 5 and they're at uni and not a chance would I have another. She loves seeing them when they're home. Yes she is like an only child but we have lots of play dates, she has cousins her age, and "having a playmate" isn't a good reason to have another child. There's no guarantee siblings close in age will get on/play together anyway.

Chely · 14/05/2024 17:59

Nah, only have another if you want one.
The little one will be fine as is.

Booksandflowers · 14/05/2024 18:01

No I wouldn’t either. They may seem like an only child but they’re not. They will always have siblings to go to etc. It might be quite nice for them to have all the attention on them and be able to do lots of clubs etc that they might not other wise be able to do. Just make sure they have play dates and all will be good.

Librarybooker · 14/05/2024 18:13

Growing up I was the younger of 2 siblings with a fairly large age gap. I’ve always thought this was perfect and the best of both worlds - many of the advantages of having a sibling and some of those of being an only thrown in. We always got on and I miss him a lot

Vettrianofan · 14/05/2024 18:16

I did. 17, 13, 8 and 6. Didn't want number 3 to be on his own so had a fourth. It hasn't been easy but wouldn't change it.

hanahsaunt · 14/05/2024 18:17

We did - lots of reasons but including the gap between third and the older two. It is fab - wouldn't change a thing.

SirSidneyRuffDiamond · 14/05/2024 18:20

What's so bad about being an "only" child anyway. I have a brother who hated me on sight. We never played together or shared a bond and we have no relationship at all now we are both in our 50s

minipie · 14/05/2024 18:22

Never have another child purely to provide a sibling. You cannot guarantee children will get on.

WhotheHellisEdgar · 14/05/2024 18:28

I have two (now teenagers) less than 2 years apart. They kill each other, it's very hard. In your place I wouldn't do it just to have two close together. Sorry!

Mailys · 14/05/2024 18:31

I have friends in your situation that had a fourth after the third was after a long gap. It's worked so well and they often say how they're so glad they went on to have no4

Runningupthecurtains · 14/05/2024 18:31

I know two people that did just that and got surprise twins.

Abelle1 · 14/05/2024 18:32

Personally, I stopped at three kids, and each of them has had a different experience growing up, but they all turned out just fine.

TwilightSkies · 14/05/2024 18:34

What if they hate each other? What if it’s twins? What if the child has a serious disability? What effect will it have on the teens?

SabreIsMyFave · 14/05/2024 18:34

You've 'been told?!' Who the fuck do people think they are? How dare they tell you that you NEED to have a fourth child, so that your third one has a little playmate?! Confused

Give me strength! Hmm

Who on earth TOLD you this @Coralreefparty ???

SnobblyBobbly · 14/05/2024 18:39

My Mum did this except it was a 6th for the 5ths sake 😆 I was the 5th.

I'm grateful for it, we had a lovely relationship growing up...mostly apart from the usual teen stuff (sisters/clothes stealing etc) and still do now.

Although, at the same time I have good relationships with all my sisters even the really old ones 🤣 The age gap seemed to close as life went on.

Winetastingtimewasting · 14/05/2024 19:14

minipie · 14/05/2024 18:22

Never have another child purely to provide a sibling. You cannot guarantee children will get on.

Or that they would be healthy and bring endless joy…
sometimes it’s truly count your blessings, particularly if your considering another to ‘ improve’ a dynamic

Quartzkitchen · 14/05/2024 19:21

My friend is the 'third' (an accident) and their parents had a fourth precisely because the age gap between them and the older siblings was so big (older siblings in v late teens). He's happy he had a sibling closer in age.

I also know a family who tried for a boy after 3 girls and got twin boys but in hindsight said it worked out for the best for the boys

Mumofteenandtween · 14/05/2024 19:25

I actually think that in many ways being the youngest by a long way gives you most of the best bits of being an only child combined with many of the best bits of having siblings.

anon4net · 19/05/2024 03:10

I have more than three but would stop in your situation. DC 3 is likely doted on by older siblings and has a special role. Dc3 has the enormous benefit of being a sibling and an 'only' with some respects too. Once you add a 4th it changes the dynamic with older 2 and DC 3's relationship.

PleaseletitbeSpring · 19/05/2024 05:24

I have three. Oldest and youngest are best friends. They meet up every weekend and even holiday together. Twelve year gap. Middle child lives further away but still all three are very close. I'm glad I decided against a fourth as they make a great team.

WonderingWanda · 19/05/2024 05:31

What if number 4 is twins?

Rottweilermummy · 19/05/2024 06:00

I'm the youngest 3rd , never felt like I missed out having a,sibling close in age, I have different relationships now with my 2 older sisters but as,a kid was quite happy had lots of friends. My sister in law was also youngest with large age gap between my late husband and his brother she was born with a health problem so my MIL couldn't have considered having another, but we had our eldest when my sil was 5, so there is always that possibility. Only have another if it suits you, your youngest will be fine am sure

alwayscrashinginthesamecar1 · 19/05/2024 06:04

What's wrong with being an only child anyway? I'm an only child with an only child. I never wanted or missed having siblings and my son is the same.

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