Having a fourth baby for my third’s sake?

[Coralreefparty]

I have two teenagers and a baby. I planned to stop there as I’m happy with my three, but I’ve been told my baby will feel like an only child and I should consider a fourth so she gets the childhood my elder two had.
I wouldn’t make the decision based on these comments but I’m interested to know if anyone had a fourth + for this reason?

I was the fourth my parents had in order to provide unplanned 3rd with a sibling closer in age.
If you do decide to try for another for this reason maybe don't tell them about why they were brought into being. The story I was told of my coming-to-be always felt strangely functional and loveless to me.
(Also mum went on to have several more unplanned bubs so there is that).

What's so terrible about being an only child? I'm one and so was my Mum, and we were both perfectly happy.

Don't have another child simply because someone has told you that you should, most ridiculous reason ever.

God no, terrible idea.
I had a son first and he grew up as an only child until he was 13 then I had a daughter and started thinking they'd both feel like they grew up alone so a year later we had another daughter and they're like chalk and cheese and wind each other up to distraction.
One is quiet and likes her own space (the older one) and the younger one is extremely extroverted and hyper they argue and squabble all day largely because the older one wants to left alone and the younger wants to annoy her, at 6 and a half and 8 I thought they'd be best friends, how wrong they have never been friends or played together and have zero in common.
I'm constantly referee just don't do it, it's exhausting.
My older daughter would be more than happy as an only child or just having her grown up brother.

My mum did that for me. But my brother turned out to have autism and a learning disability so our "sibling relationship" didn't happen. My childhood ended up being so different than it could have been. Not in a good way.

Only have another child if that is what you want. Your youngest doesn't need another sibling.

Only have a child if you want one. Quite simple, really.

No guarantees about kids, there are a million and ten ways it could work out.

What exactly is wrong about having an only child? How offensive

My mum did this - my two younger sisters hate each other.
my m’n’law on the other hand had her youngest as 17 years younger than my hubby and they are best friends.

Don't be so easily offended. Some only children enjoy it but a lot of only children grow up feeling lonely and thats a genuine concern for parents.

I'll be as offended as I like when someone says something offensive to me. I don't quote the stats about sibling bullying on to people with more than one so I don't see why I should put up with people saying shit about my child. She is absolutely not worse off without a sibling and there's a shit ton of research that backs that up.

I was the third, and younger than the middle one by 6 years - and it was only at around 11-12 that I started feeling a bit of an ‘only child’, when the older two moved out. We have a similar situation with our dc - they get on well. I have always thought that if the older two do start wanting to do their own things then the answer (eg on holiday) is to take a friend for your youngest (when the older two no longer come along).

This! When I had my 3rd the older two were 18 & 14. Number 3 has had a very happy childhood, we were able to do things with him that we couldn’t with the eldest two. He’s had so much more attention too! His older siblings love him and do a lot with him. He’s 15 now and tells us that he’s glad he’s the youngest! I’m so glad we didn’t have a 4th, I would really have struggled in a lot of ways I suspect.

Nah.

i was an only child (which your third is not). It was fine.

Having a child for a child to have a play mate.
I thought you have a baby because you want one.
Plus you child is not an only child they just have older siblings.
Dont make more work for your self.

Nah. Get a pet for child 3 instead

Oh no, not an only child (which they wouldn’t even be, anyway). 🙄

I had four and because there was a nine year gap my youngest had a very different experience to the older three who were all born close together.

I think my youngest had had a lovely family experience, he got the advantages of being in a larger family but then several years of it being just us and him at home which was a new and very different experience for us too.

I'm the third (and last) child in this scenario and unfortunately my experience growing up was largely it was the worst of both worlds. You don't have the undivided time and resources that an only child benefits from, but equally you don't have siblings to play with.

I spent a lot of my childhood tagging around after my older siblings, and being painfully conscious of how childish I was and how I wasn't a part of their grown-up world. We all get on well as adults so it worked out OK in the end, but it isn't an experience I chose for my own children.

That said, there are obviously no guarantees that the 3rd and ihypothetical 4th would get on.

Eta - I'm sure from my parents' perspective they absolutely thought I had a happy childhood and the best of both worlds. My older siblings were generally kind to me and humoured and they would definitely have said things like "oh, mybestchild gets so much attention, it's wonderful for her". They had absolutely zero idea of how painful some of my feelings were, it was completely internal.

That’s exactly what we did! 🐶

We had 4 teenagers and a baby. I debated whether to have a sibling for the extra one but circumstances took it off the table.

In the main it has been loving having an only who isn't an only. We have always done a lot with her and it's so much easier with only 1. I used to hesitate over things like ice creams and rides when the others were little as anything x 4 quickly mounted up, whereas if we fancy a cream tea while we are out it's no big deal.

The only downside for us is that she has turned out to have ADHD and ASD so she is very full on and even now she is a teen she needs a lot of attention, while I'm winding down and really like time by myself.

The only reason to have (another) baby is if you and your partner want a baby, not as a playmate or companion for your other children.

I'm currently debating this.
We have dd13 dss11 and ds4 months.
I love watching the 2 older ones go to the park, play games etc together and it makes me sad the youngest won't have that. My sister is 13 years younger than me, and 10 years younger than my brother. She said she wished she had a sibling closer in age to her to grow up with as although she was extremely spoilt by us all, she felt like she never got that true sibling experience.

I was the youngest by a large margin (in the teens) and I was so lonely. My parents didn’t have more due to being in their late forties when I was born but I always wished I could’ve had a close in age sibling.

I relate to this 100%. I was married with children of my own before I felt on equal footing with my siblings. I had a large family and my dc are definitely living my childhood dreams. 😅

my mother still wishes she had 5 to keep number 4 company and number 4 wishes it too.

it made sense in her context why she stopped at 4 but she wishes she’d pushed past that fear.

I think you should only have a child if you really want one. I have older siblings with larger age gaps. I enjoyed being part of sibling group and found it odd to become a single child. It felt very intense. I would have preferred to of had a sibling nearer much age. That being said I love being the youngest and having older sibling. I still remember being around 7 and having oldest brother taking me shopping and him giving me pocket money.