If you have three...

[WeightoftheWorld]

We are pretty sure we are going to try and ttc no.3 imminently. Any words of wisdom from those with 3 in advance, particularly if you're not a high income family? DC5 has just started reception so one thing I'm wondering is how people juggle 3 lots of homework in the future? The car seems a headache too especially with the increased cost of getting a bigger one, so wondering whether it's better to just put DC5 (who would be 6) in the front and I just squeeze in the middle of the car seats rather than shell out for a bigger car?

once we had three we pretty quickly went to a people carrier.
Words of wisdom? I love having 3 but honestly life is always more peaceful when one is out! (any one of the three!)

Was this just to fit the car seats in? We love our current car, we got a great deal on it when we bought it a couple of years ago, it was almost new (a year old and hardly used), and has a massive boot which is great for holidays. Also our road is tiny with very limited on street parking so another thing putting us off a bigger car.

no it was mostly so we could give lifts to others.

I know several people who have put oldest child in the front and had parents sit between the car seats

We found that a 7 seater was really useful for giving lifts, space, comfort etc. we chose a Ford Galaxy and replaced it with another one even when the dc were bigger.

Whilst I love having 3dc it does make lots of things harder. Holidays/family tickets etc are often for 4. 3 teenage dc are expensive - 3 lots of clubs, present, trips, universities, food, etc.

When they start doing clubs and activities it can get logistically tricky and you have to make a decision on who goes where especially when all 3 need to be somewhere completely different at the same time!

However it is a lot of fun / chaos!

As PP have said, once you hit 3 the bigger car is par for the course. Boosters, car seats, buggy, shopping, dog. It all gets too much.
I wouldn’t have changed it for the world. Mine are all now at senior school and I miss the little days.
Do you have space for them to all be separate? When they were small they wanted to share bedrooms, once they get to 11 or so, they need / want their own room / space. Extra room for homework etc.
None of mine share bedrooms now.
i appreciate that can be tricky for some families, that’s just me take on it.

3 can equal 4! We planned on 4. Baby 3 was twins though...

The older you get and more pregnancies you have, higher chance of a multiple birth.

Why would you actively pick 3 on ‚not a high income‘?
They‘re bloody expensive. Your 2 will have better lives as they get older without a third.
I say this as someone who had 5 and thinks I overdid it. And my income is circa 200k.

But yes you’ll need a bigger car. Teens are more expensive than small children so get saving now for general stuff and flats and things while they study.

Truthfully, I love my 3 of course but would probably advise others to stick at 2. Especially with the cost of everything now. And like you say all the homework and school pressure.

I grew up as the middle of three in a family on not a high income. Honestly, I hated it. Two parents - three children, we were always battling each other for our parents attention. Food always in packets of four or six so there was food bickering a lot. One sibling always left out as the other two paired up all of the time (not always the same one). When we reached high school with uniforms, sports stuff, hobbies, trips, the not high income because even more stretched and we had to miss out on stuff. I truly always wished my parents had stuck to two.

I was one of 3. I hated it. I'd never have 3 ever.

Respectfully, I asked for responses from people with three, not who were one of three. Although I knew I'd get those posts anyway. I myself am one of three anyway! I didn't hate it, I still don't. We remain a close family and we weren't a high income family until I was in my mid-teens. Until then I shared a bedroom with a sibling 4.5 years younger than me. Did I love it? Unsurprisingly, no. Was it a huge problem, also no. DH shared a bedroom with his brother of a similar age gap until he left home at 19, which also was never an issue for either of them.

But anyway thank you to everyone with the experience that I asked for who posted relevant food for thought!

I am one of three, also not brought up in a high income family (this did change once I was in my teens), my experience was absolutely nothing like this as a child. We are a close family and grateful that we all have each other now as adults.

How do you help 5 kids with their homework?

I hope not!! But it has crossed my mind. We could weather that but really hope not...I'm not even 30 yet though for some context age-wise.

No, two would need to share once youngest is out of my room. We hope circumstances would change in the future to allow us to move to somewhere bigger or convert the loft, with our jobs and ages etc it's a realistic possibility but not guaranteed. Having said that, I shared a bedroom until I was about 15, and DH til he left home to move in with me at 19, and it was never a huge issue for us or our siblings.

I’m 25weeks with #3! We have a 9 and 5.5yr old. Getting a 7 seater in the next couple of months and will be moving to a bigger house next year. It is more expensive, I would have loved 4 but it’s too much, and DH is 46 now.

With three, you will be grateful to those parents who sometimes give one of yours a lift and you'll need a 7-seater so that you can reciprocate, or the lifts will stop coming. Agree with the others who think you're mad, but you've clearly made your mind up but do factor a bigger car into the cost.

Appreciate the comments about lifts, maybe it's because my kids are still so young that this didn't occur to me. I can count one one hand the times anyone's ever driven my eldest anywhere so far you see. We can afford a 7 seater car but would probably have to downgrade what we have now to avoid using finance I think. So not keen to do it if can be avoided. Perhaps will play it by ear initially and we can get a bigger one if it starts to feel like an issue later down the line I guess.

I have 4 DC.

I had three under 5 then a gap before DC4. The car seats were a definite PITA, we bought a Ford S-Max to get the three seats in together on the back row. I hated sitting between the seats, it stopped the DC getting bored and napping. I used to like sitting in the front for a break!!

I’ve never found supporting homework etc a problem, especially if they were all sat at the table doing something at the same time. My eldest is now 20 and is currently on FT to the youngest with some last minute homework. The eldest two always tended to help the youngest two a bit which was actually great for their own revision too, especially through high school.

I think the hardest part of our big family is when one of the DC was unwell and in hospital for a while. Juggling 3 others with not much family support was hard, but we managed.

Socially it can be difficult for friends to invite all 6 of us over as it’s a bit like having a whole party arrive on your doorstep, but I always contribute to dinners etc and make sure I return favours. I’m very aware that my DSis buys twice as much in gifts than I do so I try to be generous with my niece and nephew.

I have to be very honest and say I feel that I missed some of DC1s childhood as they were so close in age to their younger siblings. If I did it again I’d have a bigger age gap. Would I have stopped at 2? I don’t think I could answer that as I can’t imagine my world without DC3 and DC4. We would have definitely been able to have more materialistic things like holidays abroad and it’s definitely financially difficult now (we aren’t high high earners but also not low on income), and I don’t have as much as I’d like to financially support DC1 in first year of uni. But on the flip side I also wouldn’t want to over indulge and let them think that money grows on trees or in the bank of mum & dad…

I have 3 OP.
As it happens, I'm also one of 3 and so is DH, it felt right for us.
Can I recommend you look at a Multimac with Babymac seat for the car. It's a wide car seat basically, goes right across the back allowing you to fit 3 car seats across in most normal cars. It worked for us for 4 years until we were ready to get a slightly bigger car. We still don't have a 7 seater thought. We give lifts to a friend by using an extra car seat on the passenger seat for short journeys.
Mine are now 10, 8 and 4. Yes, it's a juggle, yes, holidays are expensive, yes, it's tricky trying to fit in everyone's homework, clubs and parties now the youngest is getting his own. Yes, I absolutely love it and the bond between all of them. I love that if we're celebrating it feels like a party even if it's just us. I love it when they play together and the many things the older ones teach the youngest. It is brilliant, sometimes a bit bonkers, and absolutely right for me.

I have raised 3 on a low income and no car and absolutely no regrets whatsoever. I can't deny it wasn't busy or chaotic at times, albeit organised chaos!

Thank you for your honest, considered response. We have 3yrs 4 months between DC1 and DC2, and the absolute shortest gap between 2 and 3 if there is a quick miracle would be 2 yrs 9 months, so realistically probably more of course. I think this definitely does have advantages over small gaps (and partly that's why we didn't have a smaller one between our two) - but there are some disadvantages to the larger gaps too I think. I think there's pros and cons of all sizes gaps really.

I have looked at the Multimac, I know it is a good option for many. However the thing that puts me off is really I want to rear face DC2 (who is almost 2 now) until about age 4, like I did with DC1. And my understanding is that you can't rear face for long with the Multimac?

We have 4 but 3 relatively close together. Homework was fine we just had more structure around it - all at the table together so one of us could oversee and help when needed. Exams were more of a struggle as they got older. Had 1 doing A levels, 1 doing GCSEs and 1 doing SATs all at same time and that was a stressful time! Holidays and day trips are more expensive as we have to buy a family ticket then extra but we compensate by taking pack lunch and always have water bottles because it's the little things that add up. We never got a bigger car and the 3 older ones just smushed in the back but it did mean we couldn't take friends which sometimes felt unfair, especially if friends parents had taken ours out. Thankfully number arrived when our eldest went to uni so still don't have a 7 seater but it's a big 5 door (octavia). Everything else just slotted in. We've always cooked from scratch due to having coeliac and allergies and it works out cheaper than convenience food. I batch cook on a weekend which helps with time through the week. Birthdays and Christmas gets more expensive as they get older - currently paying 2 lots of driving lessons which is extortionate however the big things like that can be planned for. We don't use the child benefit and it goes in a separate account so helps for covering the more expensive things such as school trips abroad and equipment for clubs. We set budgets for presents and stick to it so they get £300 each allocated for Xmas and their gifts come out of that.

@WeightoftheWorld Oh yes that is true, you can't read face for long with the multimac, we did have to make our peace with that.