If you have three...

[WeightoftheWorld]

We are pretty sure we are going to try and ttc no.3 imminently. Any words of wisdom from those with 3 in advance, particularly if you're not a high income family? DC5 has just started reception so one thing I'm wondering is how people juggle 3 lots of homework in the future? The car seems a headache too especially with the increased cost of getting a bigger one, so wondering whether it's better to just put DC5 (who would be 6) in the front and I just squeeze in the middle of the car seats rather than shell out for a bigger car?

If you aren't even thirty yet then would you consider waiting a bit and perhaps having two more children in a few years time? Like the queen! But when I was growing up the 2+2 was a popular family type, not nearly as common as 2 children, but as common as 3 evenly spaced or larger families. In the meantime you could focus on work and on maximising your income.

Given the current cost of living I think you'd be bonkers to have a third child at the moment. You will be constantly worrying about money and may feel guilty that you've deprived your existing children of activities, holidays and opportunities as well as your time.

We have 5. My husband drives a van so we have an 8 seater. But sitting in the back with eldest in the front would work if you were happy with that for now. I'd definitely still look to buy something bigger though in the future.

Homework is done around the table and I help each child when they ask. Most are primary age so they don't get much anyway. They all get our time and attention.

You do not need a 7 seater! We have a Skoda and that has loads of space. It does get very busy with 3 and the teen years don’t really give you a break. There’s always someone who needs a bit of life coaching/ encouragement.
it can be expensive, they also appreciate more that things aren’t handed to them on a plate. For reference I was one of 2. It was always too orderly and quiet for me. I also felt I had too much parental attention. For me having 3 has balanced that out. I am absolutely shattered though. So there is that to consider .

But if yours are through the teen years and out the other side, then child seat requirements weren't nearly as onerous as they are now - seats smaller and children not in them for so long.

Yeah, I've definitely considered a larger gap because we are both young and have that luxury. However I don't think in the short term there is really any guarantee of us being able to increase income anytime soon (say within the next 5 yrs or so). And for logistics of bedroom sharing etc I think a smaller gap would make things practically much easier. The smallest possible gap would be around 3yrs again so not tiny as it is. Plus spreading my mat leaves out like this has already I think really affected my working life so I think uncertainty over another one in the future etc would be more detrimental than going for it now and then knowing there won't be any more and I can be 'freer' in terms of moving jobs and so on not having to worry about mat pay etc.

@redguitar123 not that long out of them. We had 3 child seats on the go at one point.

If your eldest is in a booster, you don't need a bigger car. You'll fit 2 boosters and a baby seat no problem in the back.
I had my 3rd when youngest was 5. No need for bigger car and I loved my small car a lot so made it work. Although now, when eldest has long legs, the back seat is a squash so we've got a bigger car now, a few years later! (ages 13, 9 and 4)

I love having three. House feels busy and happy which is exactly what I wanted.

They have a choice who to play with. There's lot of variety and activities going in all the time.

The third is kind of brought up by the other two and drifted along with big kid games very happily. No need for spending much on anything extra.

Budget wise didn't notice a huge difference from two. Food mainly with eldest bottomless pit now.
I thought we would never holiday again with a third, but we made it work. Hotels often have big family rooms now which fit 5 when we need it.

We found that 2-3 was not really difficult, 3-4 was more difficult. We needed a bigger car and a bigger house. Food was always cooked from scratch, meals out were rare as ours always refused meals from a children's menu and wanted lasagna from the adult menu for instance. Everything was planned into a routine and worked for us and the only difficulties I really remember was when there was an emergency such as one of them needing to visit A & E in school hours when I had to take them all with me. Their Dad was a farm worker at the time and couldn't just drop everything. Christmas was expensive and two of them had birthdays in January which was difficult at times. I was mostly a SAHM or worked evenings when their Dad was at home to take care of them. None of them went to Uni (their choice) 2 of them went to college and 2 straight from school into apprenticeships. All of them have good jobs and have turned into wonderful adults. Routine and organisation was key for us.

I have three, the third slotted in as if he had always been there. My older two were 5.5 and not long turned 3 when he arrived. He was a surprise baby, and I had gotten rid of all my baby items so had to start again, most of the stuff I bought second hand or was given generously by friends, no has to be brand new snobbery from me like with my first.

We were fine for car seats, it was easier getting a baby car seat that fitted on a base in the centre on the car and two high back boosters either side.

We have four. We had a people carrier for the car seat stage.

Homework we had to do separately as they all had very different needs.

One thing to consider is that they do get more expensive as they get older. No more wearing each other’s hand downs, no more passing on equipment (high chairs, cots etc), each having their own hobbies and interests. The food bill alone goes crazy the older they get.

I have 3 and it's brilliant. The only thing we've found to be an issue is holidays, if we want a cheap premier Inn getaway we need two rooms if we all go. That said I've largely got round that by not taking DH 😁

@WeightoftheWorld - I was just 31 when our twins arrived. DC 3&4. It hadn't crossed our minds although we joked about it the night before my 12 week scan.

As for practicalities. There is a nearly 4 year gap between oldest and twins. Ds1 was nearly 2, dd1 was nearly 4. Their birthdays fall in an 8 weeks period.

With 2 boys and 2 girls, room sharing has been easy in terms of arrangements but difficult in terms of actually sharing space. They now have bunk beds down the middle and a side each. We were also lucky enough to move from a 2 bed mid terrace where they all shared to a 3 bed detached with dining room and conservatory. This has meant they have a playroom they can share as well.

Car-wise, as they're getting older and bigger this has become more of a challenge. We are now looking for something more 'mini bus' like as fold down seats in the boot are ok, but it leaves limited leg room and therefore the shorter 2 are the ones stuck in back with the middle seats pulled forward.

Otherwise hand me downs and using baby goods from one baby to the next worked really well. It was knit because we had twins that we had to pay out a bit more. But friends and family shared and what went around came around. For years a friend of mine and I swapped clothes back and forth for the boys. She had them, gave to my eldest son. I gave back for her second and she returned them for twin son. They really tend to outgrow before ruining when they are so little. As they've got older, their clothes last longer and they all grow at different rates so it doesn't work anymore. But we had a good run for a good few years.

We made it work when our income was less. The kids were not aware of how tight things got and now they're older, I'm in a position where I was able to return to work and have a good job. Even though I was a sahm for a good few years. I have few regrets.

I am one of 3 and dh is one of 3, and we have 3.

Although it has its moments, 3 always seemed right. My childhood was great and so was dh.
I think my 3 (youngest now 16) enjoyed being part of 3.

All this talk about helping them with homework. My oldest 2 wouldn't let me anywhere near it once they got to secondary (and I am a teacher, so could have helped!)
Hardest thing is running 3 teens in 3 different directions. Fortunately we live in a place with fairly decent bus routes, and we did a lot of sharing lifts to and from with friends to make it work

I had 3 in 3.5 years and we've always had five seater cars (often Skoda Octavias) and the car seats were fine. We have also had two sharing a room and that also worked OK.

I've never thought of three as being a large family. I'm one of three and so is DH. Most of my friends have got three or four DC so it seems pretty normal.

As someone else post our number 3 turned into 3 & 4. I had 4 under 4 for a couple of months. It is hectic but I love being a parent to them. (Although I always feel I have to justify why I have so many!) If you have capacity to add another, logistically you will make it work because you have to. I love that some one always has a play mate, but yes they fight and life is crazy but we try to have 1 to 1 time with each of them and make sure no one is left out. The only thing I would change is having a bigger gap with the big 2 and the twins but otherwise it's a wonderful privilege to raise them.

Not 3 but 4 here. 6 years between 1 and 4 so we had them quickly! When we had 3 though we did move to a people carrier. Homework was ok, just sat them at the table when they were young but I was one of those mums that encouraged independence and once they got a bit older, I left them to it. They didn’t do it? They suffered the consequences!

I have three, two years apart each. I wouldn't change it for the world.

We did find a people carrier invaluable not just for putting three car seats in but for giving friends lifts, fitting three bikes in the boot, fitting in all luggage for holidays/camping etc etc. Kids are now teens and we just reluctantly downsized to a regular car.

As above holidays can be tricky so we've rarely ever done hotels nearly always self catering.

Some things end up pricey when everything is times by three but other things less so eg handing down school uniform and similar, and having them close in age meant they could play with the same toys/share books etc.

I'm lucky because mine get on well so they are never bored and always had someone to play with, now older always got someone to chat to, mess around with. Obviously I know not all siblings do get on tho.

We have a Skoda Octavia, few people said they'd gotten three seats in the back but I can't see how?! Maybe the issue is that I want to keep DC2 rear facing? I looked behind me the other day, DC1 is in a high backed booster and DC2 in a rear facing car seat and the gap between the two was less than the middle 'seat' as their seats encroach on that space (oddly the booster seemed to be the widest). I'm slim and not tall so Im pretty sure I could squeeze in between (never actually tried mind!) but it wouldn't be comfortable, I can't see how another seat would fit in that small gap though.

We have 3 and absolutely adored it, but I didn't appreciate how expensive they would be as teens- in their 20's. Luckily we are a close family but the flip side is kids plus partners is very expensive even for a meal out, never mind a holiday etc. love them all but they really do become expensive as teens : school trips/ residentials, Christmas presents, meals out , graduations, the closer you are the more you may pay! I don't think this will persuade you to opt have a third though as it wouldn't have me!

I have 3 aged 10, 8 and nearly 2.5. For the first year after the last was born we were fine with a five seater. We had to get a Peugeot 5008 after she turned 2. Eldest two are in Besafe high bb. At the weekend, eldest two had rugby away matches at two different venues in opposite directions an hour apart while the baby has been unwell since Tuesday. They also had soccer matches in the afternoon and I had an online class all day. In the end no one went o rugby, eldest soccer match got cancelled and second went to soccer training. I had my first two mid to late twenties and third early thirties. I absolutely love having 3, I'm an only child and I sometimes envy them as it's not something that I will ever get to experience.

We had a Skoda Octavia estate and couldn’t fit 3 car seats across the back (eldest was 3yr 4m when the twins arrived). The Superb didn’t have space either. Maybe it depends on age gaps and car seats though.

We bought a Volvo XC90 with a built in booster seat in the middle for eldest and a twin in isofix seats either side. It’s a 7 seater but not much boot space once seats 6 & 7 are up. However we have loads of boot space, which is handy for double buggies, holiday luggage etc. Holidays aren’t a problem with 5, we need space anyway so always go self catering rather than all squeezing in a hotel room. We haven’t tried going abroad yet (twins only 2).

Good for you keeping them rear facing, far too few people prioritise their kids safety in that way.. I suspect though that it won't be possible three in a row in a normal car.

Ive got three. They’re now all aged 5-12 and honestly I love it BUT it’s noisy. As a pp said, even with one out of the house it’s so much quieter.

logistically lots of things are for 4s. It’s not the end of the world but it makes things disproportionately more expensive for the 5th.

Friends with 3 who have supportive local family have a much easier time of it. Someone else to cheer on the football match, take to a party, etc. we don’t have that and, well, it’s tricky.

Got four DC. It's hectic, but lovely keeping up with all their different activities/milestones etc. Eldest 16, youngest 6.

Expensive once they are teenagers. I currently have two teenagers just now, two primary aged (2+2).

Had a big gap deliberately between DC 2 and DC 3. Two sets of two. Didn't want three as it's an odd number! 😂